Random things for me to remember.. If I remember anything else from then, I'll add it. I don't mind nor care if other people read this, but i'm going to be re-adding things that pop back into my head.
Birthday: December 14th, 1989 10:53pm EST
Excuse all of the swears and verbal anger stated here.
I'll probably be posting the memories I remember here.
My memories of the past will be posted at the bottom of the journal. Some are loving, caring, sweet, nice, while others are harmful, sadness, depressing, hurtful, ... etc. Sometimes when I remember these memories, I'll either be having a seizure or they just come slowly without having one.
•( 5/13/08 )
. Hippocampal Sclerosis
. Cortical Dysplasia
. Temporal Lobe
. Left Temporal Lobe
•Kk, so i've been out of the hospital for awhile now.. since october 11... So a month ago I had Brain Surgery.
•( 2/10/08 )Its been almost 4 months that i've been seizure free.
•( 12/20/08 ) I have now been seizure free for 1 year and 2 months. (14 months),
yet I've been getting dizzy alot, falling asleep durring classes while talking &writing.
I sent this as an e-mail to my cousin nicole, but i think i should keep it here because this is what's going on and what is going to be happening very soon.. like in a week or so... :
i'm kinda okay, but i have been having seizures. School is harsh right now. When I walk around and hear everyone talking using simple words and phrases it kinda makes me very angry at myself too; I have alot of stress, sadness, and yet .. some cheerfulness. Febuary 11-15, or maybe 14th, i'll be at childrens' hospital in boston. they're going to do more tests and stuff on me. some of the tests will/ and might be: having me off all of my medicine, getting more MRI's (X-ray thingys), more EEGs' (like reading my mind, in a way, and seeing what my head does when i'm awake/asleep/or seizing), keeping me awake for a long time (over a day) etc.. blah blah ... sadly.
•(1/26/09) Today when I woke up to get ready to goto school I was very dizzy and I had a hard time walking. I told my mom to set the alarm for 8:00am (EST), I'd feel better and get some more sleep, so I could goto school. In my sleep, it seemed like i was having a seizure. My mom told me I kept twitching and my arms, shoulders, and head kept moving/twitching. My left shoulder/arm has been twitching even when I'm awake, and even just while I'm sitting here typing. Its annoying as heck.
•(1/25/09) Last Tuesday, election day, I had a weird event characterized as a Seizure at Salem High School. Too many memories kept popping into my head, I felt kinda nautious, Really dizzy, I even couldn't talk straight, i had breathing problems and when I did speak I kept shaking and repeating the word and going slowly. When It happened I was in Hawthorne waiting for a teacher, excuse me for saying this because i do respect all of them, to shut the ******** up. He wouldn't let me goto the nurse's office. He specifically wanted to wait until all the other students came in to tell the class the new rules and events which Hawthorne is now for. Hawthorne was once just a class to sit and do work and come to when you have issues/problems. NOW it has just about doing some school work, teaching you how to get a job, and filling out job applications.
Some of the new rules, for this specific class ( which my mom bought me an ipod for christmas for doing schoolwork in a class.), are that You have 15 minutes to go to the bathrooms. It takes 5 minutes to walk there, 5 minutes to leave a present, and 5 minutes to walk back to class. The next rule is no ipods etc, or listening to music. In Hawthorne THIS WAS ALLOWED!!!
You have 20 minutes to goto the nurse and come back. For me that is seriously, excuse me again, ******** up. I'm the only one in that school who's dealing with epilepsy that I know of, at the moment. So this is like stating, : " Hi Sarah, we don't give a ******** about you, just fall to the floor for 20 minutes and have fun shitting your pants and drooling because we don't give a s**t so just fall down right now." The next thing, which if you're in another classroom you don't HAVE THIS HAPPENING WHAT-SO-EVER, is that you have like 10 minutes to goto the library, and you will have a teacher walk with and besides you bascially holding your hand, This is just saying. :" hi i'm your fecking parol officer and you need to kiss my- " You also CANNOT STAY IN THE LIBRARY TO GET WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE! If you need a book etc, you go down there get the book and come straight but to this sheet hole of a class.
Durring the rest of the day I fell asleep sitting up in a chair in the library with my Français Deux class when we were watching the inaugaration or whatever its called, (obama becoming president). Next Class of the day was science. I couldn't think straight in science and was really weak, and i didn't want to do anything but I did try but I was really slow. I'm also scared because I might have scared my science teacher & another hawthorne one.
No offense, because I hate swearing, but I think the salem supreme teacher person can fecking kiss my a** because he NEVER was a teacher or professor and he has messed up hawthorne. He's just a pathetic buisness person who just wants some ******** money from the city of salem to screw up our schools to make HIM feel good.... -coughs & clears throat- gaheerrmm. *cough* God I let out too much anger.. Anger management? I don't think so. How do I put this.. Lets fire this a--h because HE HAS NO INTELLIGENCE WITH EDUCATION!!!!! So.... the salem mayor is a PERSON too... -goes all evil and swears like crazy with anger towards the city of salem's education-
-- Also I talked with Michelle, the mother of a great & brave friend Sabrina who had the same surgery. I was too afraid to talk to them because I promised I was going to sleep of their house and I was excited to do this but then i actually had the seizure, and I didn't know what to say or tell them I was so scared. But When I called and talk to them I found out Sabrina was actually having seizures. And the weird thing was the seizures that she was having were the same type I had before surgery. The ones when you get dizzy and then just passout and fall to the floor etc.. and the other weird thing is I was kinda having the kind she had before surgery. Just dazing off with the dizzyness etc. I was amazed. Just knowing this made me calm, yet sad.
•( 12/20/08 )I still can't remember all of the words a normal person uses all the time
•( 2/10/08 )My head has been hurting too much for at least a month now. I don't know if its from stress, working hard, or something else. I know that the pain is located right where the surg. scar is.
•(1/12/09) Last monday, Jan. 5th, when i was in my art class I got this weird feeling, taste of that stuff they inject me with when i get MRIs (which i've had too many of them), and dizziness. Ms. Mansfield. saw me walking to the nurse and asked me what was wrong, I felt a seizure feeling... yet no twitching. I slept all school day, and only woke up durring lunch time to take meds. and to leave school. I felt a bit better, but when I got home I fell asleep and then woke up at 5:20am (est). I'm really scared of scaring my teachers.
•(1/12/09) (I dunno If I wrote this already) They most I've ever slept was 23 hours, but that was after a seizure.
•(1/12/09) Last Tuesday, jan. 6th, I got another EEG. When they were doing the blinking lights, i twitched. Every time the lights blinked and went faster, I started twitching. I was getting ready to ask them, or rather tell them, to please stop. My awesome neurologist, he really is X3, he lowered the Neurontin (which is my serious pain killer, at least for me) - - -Even though I have *not* had seizures, when I see blinking lights and some 3D stuff It makes me Dizzy and light headed.
•( 3/2/08 )I have seen two of my awesome doctors recently last week.
. I had to get a Physical, like everyone has to have, to find out how i am an if i am ready to return to school. I gained a tiny bit of weight. I think from my muscles.
. I needed to see one of my wonderful neurologists to talk and see how I am doing. He checked, kinda like a physical, to see how my nerves are doing. Oh.. and my reactions to getting tapped on my knees, ankles, and i don't remember what it's called- oh elbows!.
. I was still talking an finding out how i'm doing, with my neurologist, and I told him about all the pain what i'm experiancing in my head where the surgery was. He prescribed me with new medication for it. (don't worry its okay it's not like those drug things)
. That medicine is working pretty good. I will thank my neuro. doctor so very much.
•On Sept. 28, 07' I was told from my mom that, I had a couple of Grand Mals. Before i was driven into boston to go to Childrens Hospital, I had one Grand Mal (big unconscious seizure) in the kitchen.. again -_-; .
•I'm still trying to remember everything but where they removed that part of my brain was right near my memory. I think they might have actually taken a tiny piece of it though.
•I can not remember words, or things, food, peoples names.
•When i was in the hospital I think i was told I wasn't able to speak once, and then i said "mom".
•(12/19/07) When the doctor/surgeon had the first surgery done; when he opened my head the brain was swollen, had bruises on it, an inside my head there was oozes of the liquid of the swelling. They had a small tube placed inside my head to get those oozing stuff out.
•(12/19/07)I was moved to different sleeping/etc rooms at the hospital
•My brother had my camera but aparently it had a video camera thing in it (which I did not know until i got home from the hospital when he showed me this) I was on some serious drugs from the hospital and I was talking really weird, and he showed the doctors.
•When i got out of the first surgery I didn't eat for 7 days. (I still think thats crazy)
•September 28 to October 10? or 11.. I was in the hospital.
•Sept. 28 first surgery to put something on the part of my brain to measure where seizures are starting an are going and how strong.. etc
•Oct. 4 second surgery, brain surgery
•I had 7 IVs in me, (8 actually but one fell out an I was told I lost a cup of blood):
. 2 on left arm, between elbow and wrist
. 2 on left hand
. 1 on right wrist
. 1 on right hand
. 1 on right foot (one came out)
•The IV that was near my elbow had an IV string inside that was 2 feet long which connected to my heart? ( i think heart) From my elbow IV, up my arm, to heart.
•Have a scar on the right edge of my right foot that looks like it was sliced. (my guess is that is probably where that other IV came out...)
•I wasn't able to take a shower or a bath until 20 days after the surgery. ( I still can't take a shower because it hurts my head where the big huge scar is) I'm able to take a bath though (Thank God. ugh finally.)
•(12/19/07) About a couple of days ago, I'm now able to actually take a shower instead of taking baths. Woot!
•When my mom was going to wash my hair in the sink, first we had to undo these 2 brades that they did in my hair before or after surgery, to keep away from the opening: a tiny brade on the left side right near my left ear (they shaved some of my hair on that side), and on the right was the rest of my hair in a big brade But she took 2 hours to brush my hair. (an it hurt like @#$%ing Hell) When she was combing and then washing it in the sink, there was blood coming out of my hair.
•My Blood Type is: O+
•The scar, which is still healing slowly on the outside, is from the top of my head on the left side down to the back of my ear.
•My head is going to take a long time to heal, but my brain is going to take longer.
•Nerves are re-growing.
•The small part of my skull was taken off but put back?
•( 2/10/08 ) I've been getting dizzy alot and it's always making me really tired.
•( 2/10/08 ) I've had a hard time sleeping recently. I still am not really able to lay down on the left side of my head still. I did before, but when i woke up it hurt like hell.
•( 4/19/08 ) This was taken a day or so after i got home for me to actually see. I just notice, yes that is real blood.
- - - Memories - - -
•( 12/20/08 ) Forgotten memories are being remembered. These memories are REAL; not edited, messed up, nor fake ones.
. *EDIT* I remembered taking a shower with my father. -->;One from way back 17years ago. (as of 2008 its 17yrs) --> now 18 years
. Recent one, two days ago on mothers' day, ( 08' ), was breaking these plant pot things (orange stone things) at one of my grandmothers' houses in her back yard. Just by picking up and dropping.
•(1/12/09) I remembered: when 'Big Bird went to China'.
Right now I just remember these memories:
-Me and Esquerlina Nina, ( she hates her last name) shes an awesome friend who i haven't talked to nor seen in almost a year I hope she's doing good if i knew where she lives i'd go and visit her, Hid underneath a clothes basket in kindergarden when there was a firealarm test at bentley elementary school. That kinda made Mrs. Antrim ( i forget how to spell her name but she was very nice
) Kindergarden for me was in 1994-1995
- I forget her name but there was this girl in my kindergarden class also. She stuck pretzels up her nose.. O__o;
- (there are so many ways to spell this name but i know that it began with a 'k' ) Kaitlyn Lee Linton & Courtney ( her sister and family) Sweeney's lived by pleasant st. courner behind my grandmother's house..
- In kindergarden, Esquerlina and me both put water and soap on the girl's bathroom floor and slid around on it... Our princible, at bentley school, Dr. Callahan, he basically gave us like a detention until lunch time.., or durring .
- Either kindergarden or first grade, 1st or my 2nd year of 1st grade, went outside when it was snowing and brought black paper with us to see what snowflakes looked like.
I think I was in english when this seizure happened, the seizure made me tired, and remembered these, and wrote them down just like this:
-Remembering being over Michelle Heart's house playing Sega Sonic. She had an attitude and I went home.
-Remembering walking up the hill with mom & pumpkin pie to susan's house.
-Appleton st. walking in the cemetery-then on sidewalk. was scared. then returned to carla's house. - Apples in bathtub - I fell in.
- Walking up susan & steve's stairway at the house on north st. --> wallpaper.
... ugh i need to remember more