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Heart of tranquility
My thoughts, memories, & soul is here.
Pain...
We all have pain. My pain comes from a childhood of hardships. I've been to many schools & all but one could accept me for what I am. You see, I have a learning disabilty. In preschool, I went to a christian school called Agape. I don't remember much, if anything. For kindergarten, I went to a school named Chehalem. This school was close to my home, so it was alright for a time. There I met a friends I still remember today. Russell Riggs, Eric Wood, & Sarah Saxton are deeply burned in my heart. Russell & I were best friends of the time. We would chase ducks at the pond, play Megaman X3, Practice our Power Ranger skills. Life was good to us. Eric & I saw everything different, though we got along well. As I developed with puberty, he refused to have anything to do with girls. I'm not sure what to think of that. Sarah... What can I say. I fell in love with her once, but at the time, my "dark" mind could not yet be controlled. Since then, she has held a grudge against me, perhaps to this day. I wish I could undo that day, to take back the paper. I wish we could end this war between us. I still have the paper. It is under lock & key. It will remain until our war ends; then I will destroy it. Back to school: In first & second grade, I was at Chehalem again. Russell, Eric, & Sarah were there. Along with some new faces. Bonnie Boss seemed a bit stuck up. We were kids, what would one expect? Matthew Thurber seemed, at the time, to bully most of us. Later, before he moved, he became an ally. Mr. Esping was my teacher both years. I thought of him as kind, my recollection says otherwise.

In third & fourth grade, I returned to Agape. Life was good as far as friends. I hated the teachers. It was during these years that my inner artist began to grow. The teachers didn't understand. Every peice I created I did so with secrecy. If a teacher found a piece, they destroyed it. My few friends comforted me in times of collapse. I owe some of my sucess to them. Britney, Dustin, & Zane were all I had. Britney was my second love. I hardly told her, but she caught on through schoolyard gossip. Dustin & I would swing on the swings singing our favorite songs. Zane was one of the few willing to be punished trying to protect my work. These 2 years were some of my darkest times.

My memory is fuzzy here, but I believe in sixth & maybe seventh grade, I attended Terra Linda. I remember this school most because it's structure was indentical to Chehalem's, only reversed. The only person I remember is Nicky. She was my friend when no one else was. She understood my torment. She too had needs not yet met by the school. We would swing together. I taught her songs I learned from Dustin. She taught me songs from her previous school. In the hellish public school playground, we had only each other.

When it was found that Terra linda could not provide aid for my needs, I changed schools yet again. Each time this happened, I fell into deep depression. A scar on my right wrist is a reminder of the day I almost took my own life. I was transferred to a private school called Serendipity. Every need I had, every pain I felt, every hint of rage would be eventually calmed & nullified here. I spent 5 years working myself past the breaking point. The staff in charge of handling out of control students were called "interventionists". Many a time was I in a room called a "safe room". This room was built to hold a child until thay calmed down. When a student became too violent to restrain, they were placed here. Lost breaks, disciplinary infractions, & the thought of unbearable emotional pain haunted me for 3 long years.

Then something happened. A miracle if you believe in such. In year 4, I transformed. I no longer had pain. I no longer could bring myself to strike a staff. I could not allow myself to bring harm to anyone. This year is when my many years of darkness ended. I worked hard. I made friends with everyone, even staff. During this year, not a single DI or LB was on my pointsheet. I made gold level & kept it the entire year. I even became a member of student council. My counseler still cannot explain what changed me, but I know. It was the love of my family, staff, & my newest case manager that changed me. At the end of every year, awards are given to acheivements made during that year. I was awarded the Bob award. An award given only once a year to a student with tremendous personal growth.

As the end of my senior year at Serendipity is close at hand, I somply cannot thank any of them enough. Without Srendipity, All I would be is rage & depression. "I will return to next year's graduation ceremony hoping to encourage others that life is not about pain & loss, it is about your own choices. Each of you have the power within you to make a difference. Each of you can change yourselves. I am living proof that no matter how hard life is, there is always a solution. I have found mine, & I wish the same to all of you."

That is what I plan to say as my high school deploma is handed to me.

CONCLUSION:

12 years of school is nothing compared to the rest of my life. At the graduation ceremony, I prepared a speech that I could not finish on account of my emotion. Bev completed it for me. If I may recite it now:




Quote:
12 years ago, I started grade school. All was dark. All was sadness. All I had was my family. At times, even they were the enemy. Nearly constant torment from my disability made life very hard. The schools I attended could not meet my needs.I was full of rage & depression for 10 long years. Few could help me. Few understood. Few cared.

In 2004, I transformed. I suddenly could not bring myself to harm anyone. Something inside me vanished. Something from the beginning had suddenly disappeared from existance. I was a beacon of hope & happiness for all who met me. I was given a new case manager, one that would become a dear frined, not an enemy. I worked harder than ever before. I was given praise at every encounter. I became a member of student council. When I gave a speech at the Serendipity auction, I was given a standing ovation. Never before in my life had I felt such pride.

I will return to next year's graduation ceremony hoping to teach others that life is not about pain & loss. It is about your own choices. Everyone has the power within them to make a difference. Everyone has the ability to make their own future. I am living proof that no matter how hard life is, there is always a solution. I have found mine, & I wish the same to all of you.



When I left the room, everyone around me flipped their tassles. I did not. I said,"If I flip this ever, it is over. I never want to forget this. I will die with this day in my mind." My friends were stunned. I removed the tassle & placed it in a frame. There it will stay forever. Cassie, the girl in my history & science class, I became closer to after graduation. Her love will ensure I never have that darkness again.

Maybe, someday, I wil tell my grandchildren this story. I will teach them what this has taught me & change their lives just as mine was.

Again, I thank you for listening. Your attention is greatly appreciated.





Jason K.
Community Member
  • 06/05/05 to 05/29/05 (1)
  • 05/29/05 to 05/22/05 (1)
  • 05/22/05 to 05/15/05 (2)

  • User Comments: [4] [add]
    Lady Maleia
    Community Member
    avatar
    commentCommented on: Sun May 29, 2005 @ 09:02pm
    wow. that is awesome


    commentCommented on: Mon Jun 13, 2005 @ 11:32pm
    WOW! I never knew this about you! There's alot I don't know huh? WOW!!!GREAT SPEECH!!! I hope you do say this at graduation. I'll be there! smilies/icon_3nodding.gif



    hiei_jaganshi12
    Community Member
    Themz
    Community Member
    avatar
    commentCommented on: Thu Jun 30, 2005 @ 02:49am
    Woah, that is woah...Your a good writer


    commentCommented on: Tue Jul 26, 2005 @ 07:39am
    That story held my attention all the way to the end. Thanks for sharing. Kudos.



    Surreal Cereal
    Community Member
    User Comments: [4] [add]
     
     
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