ok hopefully this post won't get eaten, anyway yeah big event recently I broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years although it was a week or so ago and it's not so OMG shock anymore it still toys in my mind abit as my posts have been killed by crappy gaia systems inc.
I do wounder if there was anything I could have done... just keep going over it in my head.
Thursday before we broke up we were fine although he didn't want sex with me yet again, We hugged I gave him a backrub and everything he seemed happy enough with me.
We were supposed to see each other on that Friday, but I had a busy day So I was tired I asked if I could postpone our night together but ONLY if he promised not to punish me with silent treatment until I begged like last time.
(he likes humiliating me when I speak "above my station".)
He said ok and arranged next Tuesday. During the time I learned he was doing drugs and drinking himself to stupidity. Annoyed me but I kept quite as It's the only thing I could do.
When Tuesday came he said he wasn't feeling well and blew off our date, he offered to rebook for Thursday I agreed Extremely annoyed.
That Thursday I remembered his promise to me So I prepared a romantic dinner with desserts and things to make it special. and get sex toys for later if he wanted me... Once again he blew me off.
I phoned him and got upset and possessive about this... which he turned against me predictably (Aka Me=psycho-b***h) I held his promise to him humiliating him for once.
he then countered with "Actually I think I might be busy for the next few weeks" trying to get me to beg like a dog for companionship... But I snapped explaining how he's a d**k for using that as leverage, and he would leave me if I made that threat.
He devastatingly countered it with "Thats because I don't find you attractive or love you anymore."
I was silent, and he asked to see me tomorrow morning on Friday the 13th. I told him I love him but I didn't get a response.
And yeah he dumped me that day at our meeting. Since then I've been working on brutally torturing and killing my feelings. Sucks for me... I'm worried that once this process of slicing up my own heart is done I won't be able to feel anything.
Artwork... you can see where my breakup poisoned my muse... Macabre and twisted artwork follows,
Before breakup Avi art of U
Mother was displacing anger at me about her precious bathroom. Already distraught I couldn't focus on drawing joda instead preferring to kill my mother (symbolically) and dessicate her scared bathroom.
Comic!! of the twisted variation I always wanted to try furry art but I wasn't happy about tormenting charictars like that... in addition boyfriend hates flurries for some reason... Well Hurray both problems eliminated in one easy step so for your viewing pleasure a poor girl based off myself mutating horribly into a monster.
I like the 3rd and 6th best myself LOTS of anguish in those. Realization that she's nothing but an embarrassing freak... Privately in 3 and publicly in 4 and to herself in 6
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