|
BEST HARRY POTTER REVIEW EVER!! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
This movie really made me appreciate Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire.......and that's saying alot, considering I disliked both of them. But, having seen this movie, I realize how lucky we as an audience were to even recieve the previous two films, and got what we got from them. Because Order of the Pheonix was so wrong, it actually made my head hurt, trying to swallow this new and so-called-improved storyline.
I actually joined a queque to see the very second showing of this movie. I was phsyched, considering I rarely visit the theater, and thought this a real treat. It wasn't....
Emma Watson, you've gotten better, as have you Daniel Radcliffe. That was at least clear in the film, and certainly cannot be credited to David Yates. I might have been able to say the same for Rupert Grint, had it not been for the fact that he WASN'T EVEN BLOODY THERE!
And you know it is not a good sign when you start checking your watch during a show, wondering when it might end. I was nearly asleep. The plot went on too fast, like a blur of mashed-up youtube videos, and the bad part was, nothing happened in them. Blah-blah-blah, all they did was talk talk talk, "I am emotionally overwrought and extremely troubled" Why was this movie called the Order of the Pheonix? They mentioned the Order--what--once in two and a half hours? Yes, this movie was two and a half hours, but the key points of the story were flipped through so quickly, it felt as though it all happened in fast-forward.
What was wrong?
No Ron---- well he was there, but he just sorta popped up now and again to mumble something to Harry. He did NOT become keeper for Quidditch. In fact, there was no Quidditch whatsoever.
Dudley Demented----Yes he was very demented, much more so than I recall. The opening scenes were quick, but jarringly painful. Harry and Dudley end up in a....what was it....a subway tunnel? Harry casts some spell and the dementors fly away. Ms. Figg waddles by and says some passing thing to Harry about…..jeez I can’t even remember. Then harry comes home to some people trying to act like Vernon and Petunia (I think). He gets a talking letter with some lovely lipstick and it tells him he has been expelled. He punches the door and has a bad dream…..
Harry’s Anger----Don’t get me wrong, this movie was very gloomy and downtrodden. But Harry was supposed to rant and rave and be a very angry person. I expected more yelling matches, but Harry quite calmly tells everyone “I am alone and sad” in a way that suggests he just got a minor splinter.
Humor----What humor? Rowling managed to make me laugh out loud with her book. This movie made the audience laugh about twice during the whole thing, and in a very hesistant fashion as if to ask “am I really laughing at something funny?”.
Visions----Harry had hardly enough dreams to suggest he wanted to get through some doorway in someplace. Wait a minute, what doorway to someplace…..? I don’t remember that. And oh look, Arthur Weasley just got attacked by Harry inside a snake possessed by Voldemort, but who cares about that? I want to see more of Filch hammering a spike into the wall again and again and again and aga….
Umbridge----In the book I was horrified by her honey sweet malice and corrupted punishments. What a joke! Harry was put in detention one time, and I think it was just to show off the cool CGI that made the cats on Umbridge’s walls move about. (they did show them quite often)
Cho----Who? She was hardly there, but she did add a bit of drama with that random kiss she gave to Harry, and he returned it with a sickening passion that suggested he was actually a professional, which I assure you, Harry is NOT! Then she faded away. Umbridge gave her veritaserum to make her spill the beans on the D.A., so Harry hated her, even though you can’t possibly blame her when she’s been given a truth potion. But hell, we’ve written her into a corner with our new plots, so lets simply get rid of her like Rowling did in the book, though we honestly can’t remember how that happened.
Snape’s Memory----was five seconds long and certainly not even the slightest bit emotionally troubling to Harry. Let’s forget it and move ahead shall we?
No St. Mungo’s or Lockhart. A tiny bit of Kreacher (who I enjoyed, even with his two lines), a tiny bit of Grimmauld Place, a tiny bit of Sirius, a glimpse of Tonks (who seems rather evil when you call her Nymphadora, though why, they don’t say.). NO LESSONS. The worst bit actually, because the movie was set in Hogwarts SCHOOL of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And I was actually hurt very deeply by the fact that Harry did not even acknowledge the presence of Remus Lupin, who I am rather fond of.
Malfoy----He sneered and jeered for two scenes and then –poof!—he disappeared. It was almost like magic actually.
Grawp----Considering today’s high tech computer animation, Grawp was the worst bit of CGI I have seen in this decade. So sloppy. He looked like a drawing. And what happened to Hagrid’s tale of recruiting giants. Having watched three seasons of Lost, I was looking forward to a good flash back. Nope…..but maybe I should be glad. I don’t want to see anymore cgi giants, thank you very much.
Tragic Death-----Wrong! Sirius fell into the archway. He was not killed with Avada Kadavra. My god! Did Yates even read the book at all???? What’s the point of having that viel thingy if Sirius died before he even went through it? They could of just cut the whole archway out and made him splat dead on the floor! Maybe they just wanted to get rid of the body or something. And can we really call it tragic when Harry got over it in like…..5 minutes!
Cedric Diggory---Jeez, you would have thought he actually WAS Harry’s boyfriend by how much Harry dreamt about him. He was dead and he was in it more than frigging Cho was!
Voldemort----The scene at the end was what I really looked forward to, what with the appearance of Voldemort. And when he appeared I really enjoyed him, but before I could get comfortable, he was gone. Crucio, David Yates!! He’s only like the macho villain in the entire series, but lets swoosh ahead and listen to Harry preach sentimental crap about friends and loyalty and whatever……
Oh and the little things----that wouldn’t have cost them five more bucks to add in, but which they seemed to have forgotten anyway. It seemed they were deliberately trying to enrage me! Albus Dumbledore’s glasses! Where were they? I would have lent them some specs if I knew they couldn’t afford a pair. Or maybe he recently got laser surgery. I wouldn’t be surprised if Harry was missing his glasses in the next film. Tonks’s hair, which J.K. again and again described as customarily pink and short. No, let’s make it purple and long. It will be the most exciting twist that the audience will never expect. Not a big deal I know, but Umbridge was supposed to call to mind a giant toad, and the black bow was supposed to pronounce this. But it wasn’t there……she just had a nice pink one stuck to her butt.
What was right?
Not much----The only thing I genuinely enjoyed was Luna Lovegood. What a lovely, pretty, talented actress. She made me smile, despite the hankering feeling of doom that was sure to come with the next scene. She was just as I imagined her. Perfect!
If you truly love the book—if it is you most favorite Harry Potter book—favorite book in the whole world—or even if you just like one chapter in particular—expect it to be maimed beyond repair or recognition. If you most likely have the freedom to do whatever you want and don’t give a crap for what I say, watch it by all means.
Now if you don’t mind, I am going to get a bowl of popcorn and watch Prisoner of Azkaban, and I will enjoy it like I never have before. I might even get past the creepy Jamaican head on the Knight Bus, simply because the Knight bus is actually there. Thank you.
I DID NOT WRITE THIS I JUST AM VERY FOND OF IT!
 Little_Miss_Slytherin · Thu Jul 12, 2007 @ 07:04am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
