Summer....a time where you can relax...
Summer School...a time to have fun and help out. Pfft. =.=; There is demon children in the class I help out with. There is this one seriously ADHD kid who either needs to get some sort of counseling, or some sort of help, whether it be to try with drugs or not...but seriously......T____T He's a demon child!
Meh. I'm quite angry at myself at the current moment. I need to somehow go through some sort of hypnosis to make me forget certain things such as this stupid computer...so I can actually do something healthy for once...like exercising. I need a life style change....but the will power isn't there >.<; Hence the anger to myself.
I hate high school too. Well....currently especially mine. I just get this horrible vibe that just because I'm not in some sort of sports I'm looked down upon and shunned. That and the drama. Much drama. I probably add to it, which cannot be helped, but...There could be less -.-; I just hope that 20 years comes sooner then later because as my mother says "In 20 years it wont matter what you did in highschool [well it will but..whatever] because everyone is going to be different. Preps and the popular girls are probably on their 4th or 5th marriage, Jocks got fat and lazy, some people you thought were really geeky turn out to be actually nice guys, and whatever not." Well...it wasn't that...but something like that. She's been to a few high school reunions...she knew how the people were...and now how they've turned out.....
Do you ever start thinking? Like...really thinking....like about...things in the news and what not. The future perhaps?....Sometimes it scares me....and makes me sad. My grandparents are 82, respectively. My loving pet is 7. How much longer are they going to be here?....It's hard to think at all when I start on that process....and I just hope I can spend as much time as possible before that moment happens where they leave this life. Some other things to think about...it may be 'peaceful' on this side of the Earth [well...USA anyway] but...what happens when a war does really break out in the US, whether it be Civil or foreign?....
I hate it when my mind decides to think of several things around midnight...
I'm just so annoyed and angry by a lot of things...many of which I have to keep within me, because many of the things I have locked within me at the current moment would/will hurt someone. And right now...I just really don't want to deal with that. Yes. That was probably quite heartless....but I really don't want to deal with saddened, angered, or whatever emotion they're feeling friends.....or not friends...whatever the relationship has come to....Is it wrong for someone who's had to be in the middle of just about every argument and every single kind of group of friends to want to not have to deal with something for once?....Meh....Many times...because of who I once was [..I think I'm beginning to lose that side of me...] I used to have several types of friends...usually they both fell into two groups...Two..opposing groups. Thus, me being stuck in the middle....it's very hard to hang out with your friends when you know if you try to invite people of both parties to be with each other that you know it'd end up in a disaster....Thus, the plans go to waste.
...Other things on my mind:....I really wish I've had at least one person I can call a serious boyfriend [the fling I had one summer I don't necessarily count...I don't even know WHAT that was...] ....I want to love someone other then my family. I want to experience that special love between a man and a woman, boyfriend girlfriend...whatever you want to call it. I guess these emotions probably stem from the fact that within the past few years there's been a lot of marriages and people getting together in my family. I think I'm one of 3 other people who don't have a boyfriend...in both families. That's like...80+ people. [well...3 other people that are probably of the age where their parents would allow them to date....]
Meh....Maybe me getting off my drugs for a month was bad?....I feel better....yet....I feel even worse come the week before my period....more 'emo,' if you will...due to lack of better explanation since my mind is getting tired about now...
I think too much for my own good....and often times to not act enough upon those thoughts....Damnit.
 MilleniaTetsuren · Fri Jul 06, 2007 @ 06:11am · 0 Comments |
