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Courting Vs. Dating Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2 3 4 [>] [»|]

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Do you support courting, dating, or both?
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ioioouiouiouio

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 12:45 pm
[quote="Berezi"]
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
There's something about the word casual that perturbs me about casual dating. Love is many things, but it's not casual.

But that's the thing. Love isn't casual, but dating isn't about love. It is about finding love. Then the serious relationship can start. It's when people mess this up that painful break-ups occur.  
PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 3:05 pm
Berezi Wrote:
] There's something about the word casual that perturbs me about casual dating. Love is many things, but it's not casual.
Like Cometh said, dating isn't nessesarily always about love. It's about finding love.

Quote:
I agree that people fall in love slowly, but I don't need dating to ensure that I don't rush into love. Friendships are the place where love ought to be fostered, at least in most Western cultures like you and I live in. I only say that because at least when I've just met someone, most likely the reasons I would want to date them are superficial - they look nice, seem nice, maybe seem like they've got a good personality. Those are the reasons I try to get to know someone, not date. If I date someone it would be because I already know those things and because I am attracted to the particular way those qualities are manifested in the potential boyfriend.
But many people get to know people by dating them. I mean, think about what a traditional "date" consists of. Usually there's some kind of meal where the two people talk, and by talking with someone and spending time with them one-on-one, you get to know them.

Some people prefer to already be friends with a person before they start dating, but others like getting to know a person with any romantic intentions already out in the open.

Quote:
I agree that it's a bit dangerous to go looking for marriage. However, every dating relationship will eventually either lead to marriage, a break up, or the awkward limbo phase in which you're not married but you might as well be.
Well, it's areally not that awkard.

In fact, I found it quite comfortable for quite some time. smilies/icon_xd.gif

Quote:
Dating is a way of deciding whether or not someone is the right marriage partner. I don't see why someone shouldn't, before entering a relationship, consider whether or not they could see themselves marrying this person. If it's an absolute no, why bother?
Because it might be a fun ride anyway.

Honestly, I've never understood why people seem to be fixated on making every relationship last forever. Maybe it's just that I'm more laid-back than a lot of people, I don't know. But I've entered relationships knowing full well that they wouldn't work out. Not because I hoped to defy all odds and spend the rest of my life with that person, but because I liked them, and I figured that even if it only lasted a month, it would be a fun month. As a result, I learned a lot about myself and met some amazing people, most of whom I've stayed friends with.

There's more to be gained through dating than just finding someone to settle down with. Just because a relationship "fails" in the sense that you don't end up marrying the person doesn't mean that it was a waste of time.

Quote:
Remember also that I feel love should arise out of the context of a friendship - after about six months to year or so, people usually can figure out whether or not they'd be happy married to that particular friend.
But there's a pretty big difference between being someone's friend and being someone's life-long lover. I love my two best friends dearly, and I certainly hope that our friendship is something that lasts for the rest of our lives, but I know that I wouldn't be happy married to either one of them. The sort of love I have for them is completely different from the sort of love that I have for my partner.

I do agree that a lover should be a friend on some level (because without that emotional and intellectual aspect, it would pretty much just be based on physical attraction), but it's a different kind of friendship and a different kind of love that you have for purely platonic friends. It's that "extra" attraction that makes you desire to date them romantically, rather than "just be friends."

Also (and again, this could just be me), I need to know someone much, much longer than six months to a year before I would even be able to consider the possibility of committing myself to them for the rest of my life. Keep in mind that loving someone and marrying them, or even being ready to think about marrying them are two completely different things.  

SinfulGuillotine

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Kittey-chan

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 11:06 pm
Hmm. Well, the last two people that I have dated were both my friends first. I was actually friends with both of them for several years before we started dating.
Do I regret that? A little bit. One major disadvantage of dating a friend, at least if you make a few close friends rather than making many loose friends, is that if something goes wrong it messes up the friendship.
I've also dated a few people that I didn't know very well before I dated them, just that I was attracted to them and hadn't heard any horror stories. I dated them to get to know them, because I wanted to get to know them better and it is much easier to say "Go out with me" than "I want to get to know you better so lets form a friendship so I can decide whether you're worth looking at as a prospective mate".
Do I regret that? A little bit. If I had been able to simply ask to become friends, perhaps I wouldn't have lost their company when we fell apart.
I favor dating as opposed to courting at the moment because I like being able to *be* casual. I'm not going to instantly fall in love with someone because I eat a meal with them. If I fall in love it is because of the person, and has nothing to do with eating meals together or, for that matter, dating status. I am not concerned with getting married; why should I be? The bible says it doesn't matter. But neither am I opposed to it. I figure I will let what happens happen.  
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 2:00 pm
My boyfriend and I were friends before we started dating. He was kind of like my big brother, as he is 3 years older. When we were contemplating dating, I wanted to date him because I was getting over my previous horrible breakup and longing for my ex back. Things were really rocky from the start, and when my ex asked for me back, I broke up with my boyfriend. Although I regreted it alot at the time, I am actually thankful it happened. My ex is going to college to become a pastor, and we were having a fight over a friend of mine [Long story]. I got so flustered that I told him I didn't believe in God. What did he do? Dumped me, after telling me over and over how much he loved me and that he wouldn't leave me. I found out the hard way that he didn't really love me. My boyfriend, on the other hand, took me back like a lost sheep. A couple of weeks ago, I got upset and walked into the woods, as I usually try to get really cold when I am upset. That way I feel numb. But anyway, he followed me through the forest, no matter how far I walked, he was right behind me.

My mentally for my love for him is this: He is a very christian man, he cares for me, will always protect me, is the most loyal person I have ever met and he will take care of me. I am physically weak, thanks to carpal tunnel and restless leg syndrome, so I can't do many fun things like go to the mall for hours or something like that. That doesn't matter to him.

I guess my long story that I have typed means this: If you go looking for love, you arn't going to find it because you are looking too hard. I never in my wildest dreams believed I would date Eric when I was still his "little sister" using him as a pillow during campfire at church camp. If you would have asked me in January 2 years ago if I would be dating him, I would have laughed at you and said you were crazy.  

Maribell Alexander

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PoppyDadswell

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:14 am
courting.the amish say an open bible should be between the couple at all times which i like.  
PostPosted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 6:29 am
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
i voted courting.its more respectful and you not likely to meet someone who is going to use you.i want to marry and i want someone kind.
How is casual dating a less effective way of meeting someone kind?


most "englisch",worldly guys think that if they are going with a girl that she will have casual sex with him and whatnot.thats just using girls.  

PoppyDadswell

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SinfulGuillotine

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 2:21 pm
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
i voted courting.its more respectful and you not likely to meet someone who is going to use you.i want to marry and i want someone kind.
How is casual dating a less effective way of meeting someone kind?


most "englisch",worldly guys think that if they are going with a girl that she will have casual sex with him and whatnot.thats just using girls.
I said casual dating, not casual sex.  
PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:16 am
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
i voted courting.its more respectful and you not likely to meet someone who is going to use you.i want to marry and i want someone kind.
How is casual dating a less effective way of meeting someone kind?


most "englisch",worldly guys think that if they are going with a girl that she will have casual sex with him and whatnot.thats just using girls.
I said casual dating, not casual sex.


most englisch guys dont seem to know the diffrence.  

PoppyDadswell

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SinfulGuillotine

SinfulGuillotine's avatar

PostPosted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:24 pm
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
i voted courting.its more respectful and you not likely to meet someone who is going to use you.i want to marry and i want someone kind.
How is casual dating a less effective way of meeting someone kind?


most "englisch",worldly guys think that if they are going with a girl that she will have casual sex with him and whatnot.thats just using girls.
I said casual dating, not casual sex.


most englisch guys dont seem to know the diffrence.
As someone who lives in England and is exposed to many English men on a daily basis....yes, many of them do indeed know the difference.

Hasty generalisations are fallacious.  
PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 4:34 pm
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
i voted courting.its more respectful and you not likely to meet someone who is going to use you.i want to marry and i want someone kind.
How is casual dating a less effective way of meeting someone kind?


most "englisch",worldly guys think that if they are going with a girl that she will have casual sex with him and whatnot.thats just using girls.
I said casual dating, not casual sex.


most englisch guys dont seem to know the diffrence.
As someone who lives in England and is exposed to many English men on a daily basis....yes, many of them do indeed know the difference.

Hasty generalisations are fallacious.


i am not on about english guys i'm on about 'englisch' ones.'englisch' is a term used by the amish in reference to anyone not amish.so your hasty assumption too could be taken as fallacious.  

PoppyDadswell

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SinfulGuillotine

SinfulGuillotine's avatar

PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 7:47 pm
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
i am not on about english guys i'm on about 'englisch' ones.'englisch' is a term used by the amish in reference to anyone not amish.so your hasty assumption too could be taken as fallacious.
Well, actually, my point still stands. Most English men are not Amish, and many realise that casual dating =/= casual sex.

But on a side note, how exactly was I supossed to know what "Englisch" meant, not being Amish? smilies/icon_confused.gif It'd be helpful if you could explain that sort of thing to the rest of us lowly non-Amish people.  
PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 5:18 am
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
i am not on about english guys i'm on about 'englisch' ones.'englisch' is a term used by the amish in reference to anyone not amish.so your hasty assumption too could be taken as fallacious.
Well, actually, my point still stands. Most English men are not Amish, and many realise that casual dating =/= casual sex.
.


Most English men are not Amish, and many realise that casual dating =/= casual sex. which proves my point that courting is better than dating.  

PoppyDadswell

PoppyDadswell's avatar


SinfulGuillotine

SinfulGuillotine's avatar

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 12:55 pm
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
i am not on about english guys i'm on about 'englisch' ones.'englisch' is a term used by the amish in reference to anyone not amish.so your hasty assumption too could be taken as fallacious.
Well, actually, my point still stands. Most English men are not Amish, and many realise that casual dating =/= casual sex.
.


Most English men are not Amish, and many realise that casual dating =/= casual sex. which proves my point that courting is better than dating.
Uhm...how does that prove your point, exactly?

You're trying to say that most people associate casual dating with casual sex. Some may, but many don't. I'm not even trying to argue that casual dating is better than courting. I'm just saying that casual dating is just as valid a way to find a good relationship as courting. I met the person I married through casual dating. Many other married couples I know did the same. Casual dating is not evil, and it doesn't automatically lead to casual sex, which seems to be what you think.

As to which method is "better," well, that depends entirely on the people involved.  
PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 1:25 pm
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
SinfulGuillotine Wrote:
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
i am not on about english guys i'm on about 'englisch' ones.'englisch' is a term used by the amish in reference to anyone not amish.so your hasty assumption too could be taken as fallacious.
Well, actually, my point still stands. Most English men are not Amish, and many realise that casual dating =/= casual sex.
.


Most English men are not Amish, and many realise that casual dating =/= casual sex. which proves my point that courting is better than dating.
Uhm...how does that prove your point, exactly?

You're trying to say that most people associate casual dating with casual sex. Some may, but many don't. I'm not even trying to argue that casual dating is better than courting. I'm just saying that casual dating is just as valid a way to find a good relationship as courting. I met the person I married through casual dating. Many other married couples I know did the same. Casual dating is not evil, and it doesn't automatically lead to casual sex, which seems to be what you think.

As to which method is "better," well, that depends entirely on the people involved.


Hi SinfulGuillotine,I come from a very traditional strict church (no tv,no radio,no cinema,no pubs,no theatre,no jewerally,no makeup,long skirts,long hair-that sort off thing) so I have a traditional view.As far as i am concerned,from watching experiences from people outside my church, casual dating is a very me-me-me thing,not putting god first and a way that often hurts when one person loves the other too much but the other person doesnt take the relationship serious breaks off and the 1st person is left feeling hurt and used.Also most guys,not all-most, just want a casual shag with no strings attached and what better way than a casual one night stand or casual dating?some people do meet the person of their dreams through dating and it suited them fine,it just depends on the people involved as you said, but this is a christian debate in a christian forum so you have to accept the christian opinion here too.i prefer courting to dating because its dating with more respect for the people involved and without the sleaze of one night stands.as you said casual dating doesnt always lead to casual sex,but often it gives the impression that dating will lead to casual sex,which is why its often better to court so no one has no false impressions from the start.i hope you get me.  

PoppyDadswell

PoppyDadswell's avatar


SinfulGuillotine

SinfulGuillotine's avatar

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 7:14 pm
PoppyDadswell Wrote:
Hi SinfulGuillotine,I come from a very traditional strict church (no tv,no radio,no cinema,no pubs,no theatre,no jewerally,no makeup,long skirts,long hair-that sort off thing) so I have a traditional view.As far as i am concerned,from watching experiences from people outside my church, casual dating is a very me-me-me thing,not putting god first and a way that often hurts when one person loves the other too much but the other person doesnt take the relationship serious breaks off and the 1st person is left feeling hurt and used.Also most guys,not all-most, just want a casual shag with no strings attached and what better way than a casual one night stand or casual dating?some people do meet the person of their dreams through dating and it suited them fine,it just depends on the people involved as you said, but this is a christian debate in a christian forum so you have to accept the christian opinion here too.i prefer courting to dating because its dating with more respect for the people involved and without the sleaze of one night stands.as you said casual dating doesnt always lead to casual sex,but often it gives the impression that dating will lead to casual sex,which is why its often better to court so no one has no false impressions from the start.i hope you get me.
I just don't see how more casual dating is somehow unChristian or that it lacks respect.

Casual dating, to me, doesn't imply just wanting a quick lay. To me, it just means that two people enter a relationship without any immdiate long-term plans. Rather than "I'm with you with the intention of marrying you," it's more "Let's go out to dinner a few times, get to know each other a little, and take it from there." I don't see any lack of respect of anything that goes against Christian values in that.

Also, casual dating doesn't always stay "casual." If everything is working out, it will most likely get a lot more serious, and then issues of marriage and such will probably enter into the equation. Casual dating is really just a way to get to know someone better without expectations of pressures to spend the rest of your life with them.

My problem with courting, at least for me personally with my idea of what it takes to fall in love, is that courting seems to have this idea of going out and looking for someone to marry. And...in my experience, anyway, people don't generally fall in love when they're trying to. It's just something that happens gradually over time, often when you're not expecting it or looking for it.

But, if courting works for some people, then *shrug*. Whatever works and whatever makes you feel more comfortable. But that doesn't mean that more casual dating isn't a valid way to find a good relationship.  
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