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 Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 11:29 pm
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 Hmmm? I tried very hard through a dreamy fog to figure out what had awoken me, or if in fact anything had awoken me at all other than the time of day. Had there been a knock? Had there really? No, it must have been the sound of a television left on, or a housemate perhaps.
But the 'dog' was in a state of alert, treading back and forth upon the living room carpet. From my horizontal vantage point upon the living room sofa he came in view during the outer orbit of his little pacing - with or without barking the implication was clear.
"Pardon me, sir or madame, but so gently you came rapping, rapping at my chamber door, that scarcely I believed I heard you, and your forgiveness I implore," I muttered quietly as I rise to my feet. "And my own nightmare is just beginning, for I'd been dreaming of Lucrecia." I added sadly. Lucrecia? Wasn't her name Lenore? (All the same person, a madonna martyr figure.) I set scholarly debate aside as my body moved like an automaton across the familiar, affectionate domain, and gathered my wits - dreams or no, there was a task at hand.
Who should greet me when I open the front door and stand in the entryway in all my pajama-clad glory? Why, two officers, one who bore a striking resemblance to Agatha from the jewelry store but in such trim condition she could have been one of the casino attendants. The other resembled an odd cross between the guard Leon and Liam of Aekea.
Without a word I folded my arms comfortably and leaned against the doorframe to let them state their purpose.
"Are you... Is this..." They verified myself and the address. "May we come in?" Eventually I consented, confident of the protection and support within the household, for far from routine business, they were here to discuss... me!
"There are a few coworkers and neighbors who are concerned about you," the fit woman began soothingly. I noted 'family' wasn't on that list. If acquaintances were so concerned about me they could have sent me birthday presents - I held back that flippant reply. But apparently, tidbits and reports had been coming from all manner of concerned sources. The officers began small, and I couldn't see what they were getting at.
"Is it true you were seen flirting with the office safe?"
"So? I also do impressions of the Gambinos, but what does that have to do with...?"
"Were you? Just answer the question, please."
"Well, yes. It's computerized, and an error message said 'Connecting to devices'." I smirked. "Heck yes, I asked what kind of devices and could I join you."
"And... it rather surprised your colleague when you, ahem." This officer flipped to her notes. "Quote, 'Made out with a pencil'?"
I laughed. "Yes, I do write and draw somewhat when things are slow. Half the time I'm so happy at finding one with an eraser that works that I, you know, make out with it."
The two officers exchanged a glance. They didn't look like they found this as amusing as I did.
"How about the night of swimming next to that bridge?"
I grinned. "New record. Pretty good distance and not bad on the speed. Yea, baby."
"Yes, well... Apparently the locals warned you about the sharks?"
"So...? I don't really believe them."
"I see. At the time you said that if you lost a leg it would be a really radical weight loss."
"Did I?"
"And they also claim you were swimming naked out there."
"Ugh! You might as well check up on them for rude behavior instead of questioning me. A few yokels hollared down, getting crude to suggest I was not wearing a suit, so I called back 'Jump off the bridge and find out' and finally 'Alright, whatever you say, I'm naked, now will you be quiet and leave me alone'."
The non-speaking officer added some notes to his pad. How strange this all was, but I didn't see any harm in having a small audience this day. If this is all it was--
"What about claims that you were going to swim to Miami?" (( *Really* sorry to break to a reference in Earth location, as there aren't equivalent places for extreme distance in Gaia's one burg. ))
My brow furrowed. What was all this? "Oh yes, more hassling. They wouldn't leave me alone when I said I was merely training, so I got sarcastic and said that off the top of my head."
"We are starting to get the picture," the Agatha-one replied with a slow nod.
The younger bishoun-officer shifted his weight and spoke up carefully for the first time. "But there is the final matter... Numerous, numerous people heard you reciting 'Into the ocean, end it all'... and on a frequent basis," he replied sadly.
"Oh! Lyrics to Blue October, 'Into the Ocean.' It's a song," I supplied helpfully.
"Whether the words themselves came from lyrics, this is something we cannot ignore," he answered with concern. "I'm afraid we have the authority to..."
And he gently explained an evaluation I would be brought to, that a qualified person would make that decision rather than these two, and it would be up to that experienced person whether I would be able to return on my own or did in fact need some treatment, stated that they and the evaluator were only there to help me. I understood their language, designed so that a skittish Baker Acted subject should not hold it against the police who are only doing their assignment.
Far be it from me to be alarmed.
I sighed and weighed this, knowing more details than they expected. "So, 72 hours from now I'm back in business, presuming it takes that long to prove myself. There's no getting around this?" Both the officers shook their heads, about to speak once again about the supposed suicidal claim. They didn't have to bother. "Alrighty. I'd appreciate a phone call to work to call in sick until three days from now. Not to mention a change of clothes."
Ho hum. What a bother. But I've been more blase than this even about trips to the emergency room.
I left them sitting in the living room and was quite suprised to find not one but both following me to the hallway and bedroom. "Pardon, could you just-- Oh I see." One had to be in the same room as myself at all times. You never knew who would run through a window or have a tiny razorblade tucked away somewhere. I looked back at them with a grim smile. "Look, I'm not going to -- oh well, no help for it, is there." I also went through the same surprise at not a moment to get dressed alone, but found a way to endure by using the same tricks learned long ago in gym class.
I noted with some dismay that being well endowed, every single bra had underwire except one, which couldn't be found. No doubt they'd make me tear open one of my good ones to remove the metal once I got there, I sighed. And do I have any boots or sneakers that would stay snug without laces? Oh well. After all, being Baker Acted can last only for 72 hours without cause.
"What was that?"
"What?"
"You were singing, 'It's only forever. Not long at all'."
"Huh? That's in Labyrinth. And no I wasn't."
"Very well."
Maybe they had a point. Since I'm getting an evaluation for free instead of having to pay for sessions, maybe I could ask them why I've been blurting quotes for no reason since childhood. It sure is unhelpful, like ranting Skinny Puppy in the back of politics class and blurting "I'm a man of wealth and taste" and all the rest of Sympathy for the Devil when I just had to be passing by when that church was letting out.
I called for the 'second in command' of the house to come downstairs and gave her instructions, and that was about all it took to prepare.
And plus, I continued to myself, three days of what amounted to free time? Perhaps I'd bone up on my crunches and stretches.
I'd have to be in good shape when I actually made the swim to Tampa. |
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Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:33 am
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 The first night of a three-night "getaway"... yeah, that's what this is.
Waste of time is what is, when there are certainly better things I could be doing, even if it is nothing more crucial than sitting down with yet another novel. No matter how much I tell myself it is just an interesting trip, the candy coating isn't kicking in. Somehow the word "vacation" is one I cannot bring myself to use even unspoken, and when I remind myself that you can call something "seventh heaven" even in a slum, somehow it falls flat here.
The first night, somehow I pictured sitting down with a respectable doctor in civilized fashion much like an interview, within a reasonable period of coming through the door. Instead there was what amounted to one waiting room after another with variable reasons at each stage of the game. First, they had to find the proper person within the grounds. Then the police had to fill out their paperwork for admission. Then the staff had to fill out their paperwork to accept. Then I had to go through an entire circus of forms before moving past the dilapidated lobby. Personal history (such as I can actively remember and is relevant), family history; my mother was treated for depression and retains water, does that count?
And finally, my spare clothing was sorted through and taken away, put into some cubby like kindergarden I'd imagine. Somehow the whole process took a few hours from start to finish and it had already gone from late afternoon to an early dark by the time they were through with my preparations.
Imagine my disappointment at not being able to see the doctor that night, at being treated like just some cattle with an ear tag. Activities and scheduled sessions were pretty much finished for the day, they said, and a few solitary patients and young kids passing through the hallways and common areas doing nothing in particular were evidence of that - although shouldn't there be some psychologist on duty at all times in case of an outburst, an episode more complex than merely quieting down by orderly?
In the end they shepherded me into a room for single occupancy with an early bedtime and that was that.
Heh. Seventy-two hours minus three, you people better make the most of it. Clock's ticking. |
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Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:34 am
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First morning awakening. Didn't think I'd ever get to bed, not when you have to flip onto a normal *ahem* daytime schedule so abruptly. In the end I just said my prayers until I fell asleep - heh, an old joke where saying your prayers stands for doing your crunches.
The situation was enough to remind me of Sarah Connor doing her chinups in her ward. I didn't actually investigate whether my bed could be flipped over to provide a railing for that, not when it would have been mere theatrics. Arms weren't my strong suit, and if the spirit moved me there was a perfectly good floor for pushups.
Although, the reminder of her did make for warm and fuzzy thoughts before turning in.
When an orderly woke me at roughly eight in the morning - ugh, is there any hour more ungodly - I appreciated the fact of getting up already dressed with all but sneakers. Not just because the nurses had "forgotten" to let me have one of my sweatsuits back to change into the night before, but because it's such a useful habit to have gotten used to, for when you never know when you'll be on the move.
I thought the interview would be next on the agenda after a trip to the washroom - but the orderly informed me I was to attend a morning group therapy session creatively set outdoors and served with mini drinks and snacks like a club meeting. You hear about seminar classes outside but how often did I get to be in one? How nice to have a substitute later on in life.
But within minutes I had an intuition what this really was for. Instead of something effective and interesting like guidance by a therapist while sharing useful stories of how we came to be the way we are, I bet it's just some low-cost alternative to actual psychological care.
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Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:36 am
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So, I *did* manage to attend a group, of sorts. No doctor or even junior staff anywhere in sight, but that wasn't the main thing that struck me, so let's not worry about that part.
There were two girls there who were surprisingly normal. Nobody thinking they were a T-Rex or trying to act all Renfield, so... If they could carry on a normal conversation what are healthy people doing here? Well, you never know when someone could be 'fine' for a long time and then snap and go into fits, which would mean they wouldn't belong going around outside in the world and handling a job, true. Then again, healthy residents need less care and give an institute more bang for the buck, so... Yeesh, I've gotten to be a skeptical person.
Bottom line, these girls were alright. I didn't get to know them too well during the tea party, but at least the strangest thing that happened was the shy one hiding behind her friend. ^^;
Second evening in the home.
Maybe it's just me, used to always having somewhere I had to be, a schedule to keep, or inner drive telling me what to do. But having no structure at all is kind of making me on edge. Well, there's also being a total goofoff at home - but even then, it's never a case of sitting still, not without a game or a craft, and even then that was only downtime after some research.
Maybe it was the "dorms" that had me thinking about school system, but somehow having doctors "in charge of me" and the staff behaving like a few junior high teachers had me picture this more like a class schedule. 1:00 pm, Dream Interpretation 101, 2:00 pm, Ink Blot Therapy 109. Ooh. Sounds fun actually. Wonder what the bosses would say to that?
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:06 pm
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Second full daytime in the home.
In all the mental hospitals you see in movies, there's a common room with non-overstimulating board games, puzzles with pieces lost, checkers and chess with markmen bitten in half or covered in drool. And other people to play with, coherent or vegetable. If you're not going to interview me can you at least give me some Legos?
At last they've given me something to do. I don't care how long it's been since I've painted, let alone on *paper*. Er, not 'paper instead of canvas', I mean 'paper instead of skin attached to a smiling human being'. Anyway, this is bliss.
Sifting through ideas carefully, I choose a portrait that's memorable...
Rp: Suspended Sentence with Perri Indiya / Charity / and technically Fowler, but ~Night Creature~ could not meet him IC
While I'm working this girl comes in looking like the heroine from Tonight Tonight the Smashing Pumpkins video. Wow! I mean who has the time to do a cosplay *that* intricate? Makes me wonder how she had the help.
Anyway, we talk for a bit. She doesn't mention any hobbies of her own but she *does* tell a lot about her growing up and family.
I still don't have the foggiest what her condition is-! For all I know she's multiple-personality and her evil twin kills on impulse, or there's equal chance of nothing wrong with her mind and just needs someone to keep an eye on her because of seizures, or something.
But it seems she's been pulled out of school around 10 years old and had private homeschooling with mother and aunt after that. She's SO modest and doesn't think she could ever tackle a college semester, but since I've known both refined people and people from the gutter, I can say for a fact she knows what she's doing.
Funny thing, a couple of expressions of hers. One of them was "What woman like me could deserve to go to college." Dad was a b*****d, apparently, for getting her to talk like that, and probably so is her bro. Didn't think there were still guys like that! If they're running around living it up while she's under institution care, she's really cool about that. - Polite and classy or not, the way the phrase "Let the fools go on their merry way" or something close rolled off her lips, it gave the girl's attitude some voltage.
Well. She has a fiance too. There's always the chance he's as made up as my chances of seeing ghosts, but I don't think so. It really is nice to think that she has someone watching over her, because for a while there it had me thinking how sad it would be not to even get a new magazine to read without someone taking the effort to bring it in for you. That was one reason to start to give her the second painting I'd made while sitting.
The first was Mona Lisa with a mustache, pioneered by Marcel Duchamp.
I sure hope miss Charity doesn't try to get cute and repeat the phrase "Elle a chaud au cul" to anyone who *is* French, because all her good manners made me clam up and say it meant "Have a nice day" rather than what L-H-O-O-Q *really* means when it's pronounced.
The second was my fave from the Dali festival, chosen inside the institution because I had done it so many times upon the side of a human face that I could rely on memory alone. Hoo boy, those were good days, good times. Yeah, Charity also seemed a little surprised to hear about skin painting. Good! Too many people go the other way, too far jaded they have *nothing* that is shocking or even thrilling anymore. It's kind of nice, still thinking a needle tattoo has shock value too. At least it matters to some people again.
*Anyway*. Yeah, being nice to someone who is staying here for real was one thing. But part of you wanted to be 'the good guy' to her... didn't you. As a drawing or not you gave a rose to a girl. Yeah, so? That's about as big a deal as 'making chocolate strawberries' with best friend on Valentine's day 'cause she didn't have a date. Exactly. ... Shut up. "..." -=smug silence=- And we all knooww how life likes to introduce me to girls with fiances.
Well, anyway, this was somebody I met *once* while waiting to move on.
Miss Cosplayer was cute, though.
(( Note: This second voice, it is NOT any imaginary friend or effect of medication. That hasn't even started yet!
You can think of it as an artistic person thinking aloud and debating with herself and getting flippant. ))
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:38 pm
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Well, I'm back at home now with one day to spare; I think I'll find something as enjoyable as the beach this evening or maybe just stay home to let the pet clan savor a mini-reunion; I wouldn't blame some of them if they were concerned during the unexpected absense.
Instead of going back to the dayjob after the three days I've cleared are up, I'm heading back straight away. It wouldn't be right if I didn't fluff through the inventory myself so that it's orderly and "just so", and plus put things right that might not have been to my satisfaction during my absense.
This little bottle is soo cool compared to those plain white prescriptions with wrappers. When this one has run out I'll probably save it next to my old vases and curios.
Might as well get started, because I'm *horrible* for setting up a regular schedule for daily things.
I swish up a good deal of saliva and defeat the first little pill, pointedly ignoring the fridge full of cold liquids no more than twelve feet away. Taking pills dry is a skill I take stubborn pride in, for the same absurd reason being able to gulp six capsules of ____ in one mouthful had impressed those boys back in the day, or for the same odd reason that one cluster of guys had been impressed that a girl could chug a shot of ____ without taking a pause. Why were those acts such a surprise?
One dose. I blink. What, like the world was going to be radically different five minutes later? I bet it's one of those "six to eight weeks" things before you even find out if it does anything.
(( Note to self, so I'll be able to remember them all before starting the next series of posts. Also, settle on which order as well.
energetic
blood constriction - electric
double dose - lethargic, spotted by housemate
NEED something else inbetween those three!
increased heart rate - anxious, seeing flashes of people
see that rotating "monster" the first time.
sit down with "dog" and find out whether it's real.
anything else in this phase?
Humanform arrives during the music scene...
Humanform tends to
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