[HH] Philandrapiths (Barth and Lawr)

[Toshihiko Two]

"Mr. Wicked?" Barth asked in a miserable voice. Castles, while atmospheric, were drafty and cold and damp, and although the renovations courtesy of his Great Aunt and Uncle were going impressively, they still lived in a bit of carved out rock perched on the moors.

Their new staff member was usually there when you needed him. Or didn't need him. Nosily rifling through and rearranging things, although he calmly acted as though it was all in their best interests when asked.

Attentive was a good word for him. Maybe too attentive, in a way Barth knew that, had Christof been there with them, he would have hated.

Herr Wicked was not an igor. He was, as far as Barth could tell, some variety of shade.

It was unusual for him not to answer. Barth made a rare journey from his laboratory to the hallway door, and discovered why, exactly, this was the case.

Mr. Wicked had not answered, because Barth was no longer at home. When he turned around, hoping to rectify the mistake, the laboratory too was gone, and all around him were the guts of a rotted chapel. Gauze hung in ghostly bows between the benches, strangling long-dead flowers, and on the altar lay a discarded veil.

There were also some dark, suspicious stains in the flooring that looked like they had been scrubbed to no avail.

The whole situation, if Barth was honest, made him incredibly nervous.  

[Baneful]

There was a sound of footsteps just outside the chapel and a short figure stepped into view. Lawrence didn't mind haunted house duty, most of the time nothing at all happened and it was simply several hours spent in almost meditative peace in the quiet decay of the ancient building.

He favoured the chapel most when the house deigned to allow him to find the pathways that led to it, but never in all his visits, had it been inhabited.

A very faint little smile played on his features as he took in what had to be a demon, the claws, the long swooping horns, everything about it perfect as if from the pages of one of his books. Far more homely than Rodney's tattoos though, and possibly far more dangerous.

"Hello." he said. "Lost?"

 

[Toshihiko Two]

"Oh! What, err, me? Just...having a bit of an- enforced wander," Barth allowed, for the time being not moving away from Lawrence, because this would betray the fact that he could only move away at a very, very slow pace.

"Yourself?" he asked, nervousness increasing. "Always admired the organisation, by the way. Very inventive use of...resources. Not for me, you understand, but in a generalised capacity I can appreciate the um, technological aspects. I'm not much for violence, myself. So, not much on the war effort. But I have known some Wrath demons who were all for it. A very respectable line of work. ...War, that is. Against, you know, the- oppositional sorts."
 

[Baneful]

At the mention of the Organisation Lawrence raised a brow very slightly in confusion. It took him a moment to realise what the demon was referring to. "Deus?" he said, sounding almost bored by the idea. "I don't admire them, they kidnapped me. I stay because they or the horsemen will kill me if I do not." He rolled his eyes. "And violence is for other people. Not me. I don't get my hand dirty." And the strange turn of phrase only drew attention to the fact that he did indeed only have one hand.

"It's respectable only in that it keeps the more energetic people occupied with busy work and me safe. I prefer what little violence I indulge in to be both elegant and personal."

"I am to assume you aren't here to cause trouble?" he said. "The wording of my assignment here is as flexible as it is vague."

 

[Toshihiko Two]

"The organization is literally called God," Barth said, a little flatly. "Well, I know we've had our disagreements...but, err, yes, alright," he relaxed a little. "I rather like humans, you know, and you only get the one go at the err, living thing...So, yes, good. On the same page. About not turning this room into a gymnasium. Which, on a very nearly religious level, I'm against. ...Gymnasiums, I mean. And busy work of all varieties."

Barth cleared his throat.

"Trying to find my butler, actually. ...He certainly wouldn't be here. He seems err, rather terminally single."  

[Baneful]

"They do think rather highly of themselves." he said. "But what else could one expect of an organisation led by an egotistical lunatic?" he shook his head haughtily. "And oh heavens no, absolutely not. I would hate fighting in here, every time I've been forced to it has always ended on getting dust in all my clothing, this sort of white does not stay truly brilliant on its own frankly, and it's harder now than it was given that my very diligent boyfriend has abandoned me over disagreements with my husband."

He couldn't help the irritation that bled into his tone at the recollection. "If only I could have a butler, the island is positively inhumane in its conditions. I imagine even with all the..." he waved his hand vaguely. "..animals that Halloween has a much more tolerable standard of living."

"Other than yourself, I haven't seen anyone since I arrived, single or otherwise, and it is frankly a mercy."

"Where are my manners? Lawrence." he said, in a polite half bow.

 

[Toshihiko Two]

"Wasn't an igor, was he?" Barth asked, a little mournful, but dismissed it quickly, "No, never mind, but I know the sentiment. I'm err, intended. It's...been a rather long engagement. Which suites me alright, I just feel it all could have gone more smoothly if err, the two of them were- yes, more agreeable. Towards each other."

He took a grateful seat, more comfortable with being a guest than continuing to stand at the altar.

"You only proposed to one? How did you choose? ...Why did you choose?" Barth asked, slightly horrified at even the thought of dealing with that much dramatic fallout.  

[Baneful]

"No." Lawrence said with a little sigh. "But he might as well have been. Could clean anything at all." He did look a little surprised at the idea of a demon being betrothed, but of course they would be, they were as much nobility in their behaviour as many wealthy humans still were if not even more so.

Lawrence saw no issue with standing with an air of ownership in the aisle of the chapel, radiating a sort of iron confidence which ran at odds with the friendliness he addressed Barth with.

"It wasn't my idea to only propose to one of them." he said. "Long and complicated tangle of issues but I had fully been intending on living with both of them and marrying both of them if that was what it took." he clenched his hand in a slow movement.

"One of them is very religious however and had very intense and rigid feelings about monogamy. It is absolutely not my thing. I prefer to go wherever my whims take me regardless of shape, gender or any other mitigating factor. So poor Melvin was ousted by Rodney and here I am, trapped by a ring."

 

[Toshihiko Two]

Barth gave a short, surprised laugh. "Monogamy?" he asked. "I suppose you sorts do have short marriages. Maybe it's possible to keep things monogamous for...what is it, half a century?" Barth said, trying to sound encouraging but only sounding incredulous. "But he really can't believe that, can he?" Barth asked. "There's bound to be the...occasional indiscretion."

Barth sighed, slumping into the bench.

"We discussed all that at the outset. It's err, frowned upon, but that's part of the fun, I suppose. It was just made clear that the participants in any such dalliances would...very probably be devoured."
 

[Baneful]

"There have already been indiscretions." Lawrence said with an edge of irritation. "He is a very lovely person, an excellent and cultured partner, carves angels, very moral. I am simply used to being able to do as I please, tasting every sin of the flesh which tickled my fancy. It was always so exciting to see who took one up on it when it was placed on the table. But no, if I do that now he will leave as well and then I'll have no wages and no outlet for my natural human urges."

"Monogamy is a trial. It's all nice enough when you are with them but it's when you aren't and a bit of fun comes sniffing about.... At present it is a tug of war between being oath bound and my own self interest which is frankly taxing. It is why these walks are such a relief." he shook his head. "Your situation sounds far simpler, I'd be quite happy if whoever I indulged with was ultimately eaten, it would be much more tidy, none of those awkward call backs later on."

"Rodney believes wholeheartedly with every fragment of his being that monogamy should be absolute, that sex means that you are part of that other individual and that as well as being possible singular devotion is mandatory. "

With an air of grieving despair he looked up at the broken stained glass window.
 

[Toshihiko Two]

Barth made a sympathetic sound, "That's all a bit cold though, isn't it? Ousting your friend. It's not as if friends are easy to come by. And loyalty is...even more difficult. My predicament is entirely my own fault, I'm afraid. It was...a sort of highschool eatheart situation. And I, um, oh- this is embarrassing. Calder's a very active sort, and I'm...less, and I thought, if there was someone else for him to err- wear out his energy on, it'd sort of...work itself out all around. He was less appreciative of the methods. And I ended up with certain difficulties, erm, doubled. Still," Barth's tone softened, "I wouldn't want to lose either of them. Or...disappoint them. But I feel like I've done my share of that."  

[Baneful]

Lawrence gave Barth a vaguely sympathetic sort of look. "Sometimes they have so much energy. Rodney certainly has no end of energy, nor did Melvin, I expect that if things had gone how I had hoped I would have been in much the same position, mind being willing but the flesh being weak. It never did get that far though, thanks to both of them being stubborn and in complete defiance of all my wishes."

He shook his head with a sigh. "I didn't want to lose what I had, I am less concerned about dissapointing them, though I seem to relentlessly do so regardless of whatever choices I make. I think that perhaps Rodney made a mistake, someone as fragile and religious as him probably should have opted for a similar sort of person."

"It sounds to me like you chose an exponentially troublesome solution. Adding more energy to the mix is just going to leave you with more emotional debt."

 

[Toshihiko Two]

"So you...chose between them, did you, because the err, one you...must have liked best, I suppose, wouldn't have it another way? Married the one in spite of your erm, philosophical incompatibilities, and then, the other, you...discarded," Barth laughed nervously. "They might...each prefer that I did."

Zar and Calder were each jealous, and occasionally violent. They fought often.

"But I wouldn't."

Barth sighed.

"I also had- not romantically, of course, but- another close friend. For him, I suppose it was the opposite. He wanted a strong master- mistress...in any case, I didn't fit the bill. You...can only have one master, really, and I- wasn't it."  

[Baneful]

Lawrence looked a little scandalised at the concept of liking one of his partners best. "That's a bit of an extreme way to put it." He said. "There was no clarity of choice merely circumstance. I told Rodney the monogamous one that I couldn't do it and we were merely friends. Then one day I rescued him, he was grateful and well, that was that. He won't move on if I leave him and it was my error so I owe him nothing less than an oath I suppose."

He seemed somewhat pained about the idea if discarding anything also. "Your friend sounds a little more like Rodney. I mean, I can understand the master lifestyle certainly and very few wholly committed servants want a diverted master." He shrugged. " Though they don't get to choose that do they? Being servants and all. Sounds like your friend is always going to run into trouble if he thinks he knows best about what is good for him while also wanting to serve."

"My life would be far easier if I had servants instead of partners."  

[Toshihiko Two]

"Yes, I don't think lifestyle is quite the right word for it. He was built to be sold in the service of...whoever bid the highest. I just supposed I'd hoped the opposite...as a friend, he'd be willing to be my partner in scientific endeavors. Instead of a servant. I would have gone through with the purchase. But that's all... it didn't turn out that way. So, my present concerns are mainly... familial. I don't think he's met them, even. My sons. Or been in the laboratory... Oh, it's all useless pining." Barth lay down, stretching out across the pew. "He would have hit you," he admitted. "With a shovel, probably. And the other two would have had you in bed and then dead in very short order."