[PRP] Lines in the Sand (Aandes + Rasali)

[Sypon]

While relaxing at Bloodfest with Aandes, Rasali struggles with her recent trauma.

 

[seekingCylem]

This was it! The last night of Bloodfest. And what a Bloodfest it was. Rasali may not have swept up awards in any of the events, but she’d had more than her share of fun and excitement running her own booth. Hell, she helped contribute to some of the other patrons winning prizes, so in a way, Rasali won too! There wasn’t much left to do now other than soak up the remains of the fun beach atmosphere as the partying wound down.

Old Hemis… Civisect was a hell of a lot nicer than the last time she’d been there for the dance contest, much less the time before that.

Rasali consciously chose not to think of such things. She was way past it. Plenty had happened since then (almost too much). The least she could do was focus on the good outcomes. Like Bloodfest! And Aandes! Aandes had not just agreed to go in on her roller skating booth, but also bothered to join her out on the beach to watch the end-of-Bloodfest fireworks! While Rasali hated to admit it, she continued to be surprised whenever Aandes showed any sort of desire to be around her longer than necessary. The continued confirmation of reciprocated feelings still made Rasali giddy.

Rasali hopped down the boardwalk stairs and onto the cool sand. Rasali’s sandals were immediately kicked off. She’d done too much skating to warrant anymore time wearing shoes than necessary. The sand felt positively amazing as Rasali wiggled her toes and opened her arms to the ocean breeze. She wandered only a little further out towards the middle of the beach before dropping herself down on a particularly soft-looking sand dune.

”Phoof!” Rasali exhaled and waved her arms in the sand before sitting up to see where Aandes was. She patted the sand next to her with a grin. The two of them were pretty far away from the center of the festivities, but after such a long week, Rasali was perfectly content to hang on the outskirts of the partying. The beach was practically empty save a smattering of a few other like-minded trolls and their quadrants. Rasali was surprised the beach wasn’t more crowded with what a picturesque date spot it was proving to be.  

[Sypon]

Aandes was busy de-latching his boots. Clumsily un-buckling and pulling off his footwear, Aandes removed his socks and rolled up his slim jeans to his knees. There had been a smile on his face all night. He hummed lightly as he gave his hair a gentle pat (sand combing through the hair would simply not do right now) and stuffed his socks in his boots. Rasali would have found a good spot on the sand and – there she was. Aandes bit his lip. The date was too corny. He couldn’t resist, of course. Aandes played up the romance with the best of his abilities, hopping down the temperate coast with playful bravado.

It was always a game, but being high on the Festival’s success had made Aandes ecstatic. Perhaps he was careless tonight, or perhaps he was simply exhausted from the week’s activities, but Aandes didn’t have a care in Alternia. The beach was rather isolated, after all. They were relatively alone. No facades, no one-upmanship necessary. He snorted as he broke into a run and skidded to a halt in front of her, spraying the clearing with sand.

“You ready to go back to being a nobody after all of this is over?” He jeered, dropping his boots next to her. Aandes stood above Rasali with a fond smirk on his face. He dropped onto his rear and let his legs splay out in front of him in the sand, leaning into Rasali close enough to brush noses. “We did good together, I’ll cop to that.”  

[seekingCylem]

”Ah! Blech!” Rasali blew an exaggerated raspberry as Aandes kicked sand up onto her legs. She flicked off the grains while casting Aandes a knowing smirk as he dropped his stuff on the ground. ”My sign-up sheet says there’re at least five new individuals who think I’m pretty neat.” She met Aandes’ close-proximity head-on and their noses touched gently.

”A regular dream team,” Rasali agreed. She piled her arms on the tops of her knees and rest her head on her wrists. Speaking of dreams, she was about ready to conk out there on the beach curled up between Aandes’ knees.

She looked up at him through her eyelashes. ”So what’s next for you when we get back to Four Fronds? You’ve usually got at least a couple irons in the fire.”

Rasali would never admit it, but as much disdain as she held for Aandes’ methods and general way about him, she did admire his ambition. Rasali was a go-getter, but she wasn’t much of a planner. Aandes knew what it took to get what he wanted and was often more than not, perfectly capable of achieving it. Combined with Rasali’s tenacity, they really were a great team. Rasali felt proud and peeved all at once. People were easier to deal with when they were capable of being easily categorized. Of course she hated Aandes when he was just a sleaze, but now he was stylish and dynamic and smart and despite all that even insecure at times. And she still hated him, only now that hate was more complicated. It had a lot of subtext and qualifiers. Rasali didn’t do well with complexity. One could even say she hated it.

And that was simple enough for her. Rasali nudged her head forward so that Aandes would give her a kiss on the forehead.  

[Sypon]

Ugh, Rasali was insufferable, not to mention irresistible. Aandes pushed his lip out and looked away with a blasé hand flip. “I’m sure it’s you they were impressed with,” he joked. He stroked her back in idle thought. The fireworks display was gearing up, and the final stragglers were making their way onto the beach to claim spots and knock each other out of the way to get the best view. In the water, a few lonesome boats tipped back and forth to spy the light show from directly underneath.

“Mm… I did some scouting and got some leads here and there. I’m hoping to represent someone with potential to be a multi-faceted star, or at least get behind a business or something. Didn’t see anything on the economics side, really. To be honest I was disappointed with the booths – hardly any start-ups at all, but plenty of wigglers with make-shift carnival games.” Aandes mumbled. He quickened his pace running up and down her back and scooted closer to her, conceding and delivering a peck to her forehead.

“Those fashionable women caught my eye. The Moon Scouts, particularly Odette. Know anything about them? Any skeletons in their frilly garment blocks?” He questioned his kismesis, tone playful and but driven. Any miscalculation in a media business deal could mean ruination for one’s public image. Rasali was his ultimate informant and trustee. He massaged her shoulders intently.  

[seekingCylem]

”Hmm…” Rasali half-listened to Aandes as she enjoyed the backrub. She was too relaxed to even roll her eyes at the wigglers comment. She did bother to open her eyes at the mention of the Moon Scouts, however. Rasali processed the question slowly, too tired and confused by the coincidence to properly assess how she should answer. She hadn’t told Aandes about any of her rebel activity, but she hadn’t mentioned she knew Odette either, had she? He wasn’t seriously asking her… or was he? Rasali thought seriously on her memories of Odette and the Moon Scouts. Eating together in the mess hall of the Phoenix Initiative base of operations. Exploring the tunnels. Errade.

BOOM!!

”EEAAHHH!!” Rasali shrieked and jerked her hands over her ears. Red light washed over the beach as the twinkling remains of the first firework fell back towards the ocean. Several more explosions followed and Rasali remained curled up tight under the flashing lights.

Her gaze remained locked on the sand beneath her, but it was clear she was seeing something entirely different in her mind’s eye. Errade. The bombs. The colors. The blood. Tears gathered at the corners of Rasali’s eyes and fell freely. Errade. The bombs. The colors. The blood. Errade. The bombs. The colors. The blood. Errade the bombs the colors the blood. Errade the bombs the colors the blood. Erradethebombsthecolorstheblood.

High pitched wheezing sounds escaped Rasali as she began to hyperventilate. Her hair bunched up between her fingertips and her nails threatened to dig lines into her scalp every time a firework went off.  

[Sypon]

Aandes shot backwards into the sand as Rasali screamed, with his own yelp of panic. “S-s**t!” He cried. He looked around frantically to try and see what the matter was, and could only make out the far off floral bursts from the fireworks display. His eyes darted immediately to Rasali next. Was she bleeding? Did something bite her? No… His bloodpusher was caught in his chest as he stumbled to his feet, calling out to her.

“Rasali! Wh-what’s wrong! Oh my god, Rasali, are you okay, what—what’s going on??” The words spilled out of him faster than his mind could process it. In a whirling panic, he hopped in front of her and dropped to his knees. His wide eyes skirted all across her form, hands shivering and hovering over her unsure of what to do.

Was it the fireworks? She had never told him she was afraid of fireworks, but – but she was in the Battle of Old Hemisect – maybe the explosions… Maybe…

CRACK!

The sounds of fireworks fuzzed out Aandes’ thought process, but in his own way he was already mentally shifting gears. If there was something Aandes excelled at, it was thinking on his feet and adjusting his tactics. He took a deep breath, repeating his kismesis’ name softly. She had to stop scratching herself… Where was her face…? “Rasali, it’s me… Rasali… It’s Aandes.”

Pieces started to come together, and he positioned himself above her to at least block out the bright colors and muffle a bit of the sound. “Rasali, we’re at Bloodfest. Everything’s okay – it’s okay, Rasali… You’re okay, Rasali, please…” Even he was not convinced. Aandes found that as she threatened to hurt herself, tears had sprung into his own eyes. He dared not touch her. He wasn’t prepared for a panic attack like this, and even the calculating Aandes wouldn’t think now was the best time to analyze and study the situation for future cons. He cared too much about Rasali to be discerning; in that way, he was foggy.

“Sweetheart… Rasali, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here, baby, please…”

Aandes had a thought – perhaps it was dumb, but he didn’t care. He stripped off his jacket with a harried struggle, looking around the beach to see if any others were alarmed. Everyone was distracted by the light show. He narrowed his eyes and bit his lip, returning to Rasali clutching herself next to him in the sand. Aandes kneeled. He draped his jacket around her protectively, like a blanket. There wasn’t enough weight. Off came his hoodie, and with a shiver from the chill of the night Aandes wrapped up Rasali in his clothes careful not to terrify her in her state. All the while, he cooed words of encouragement. Aandes put his hands on his knees after wiping away the track of a tear that had rolled down his cheek.  

[seekingCylem]

Aandes’ words were muffled by the battle cries and pained screams of Rasali’s memories. The sting of debris, the rumblings of the unstable cave structure, the smell. Rasali’s keening eventually broke into full-bodied sobs. The tension in her battle-ready muscles weakened as she seemed to deflate under the weight of Aandes’ jacket and hoodie. ”Oh my god… Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…” Rasali whispered again and again as her mind blearily drifted in and out of focus. She felt so sick. People died. What was Aandes doing? People died because of her. Where… Where was she? She killed people.

Rasali hiccupped, wincing as another firework went off. She was lucid enough to at least hear the explosions that were real. Rasali tugged on her hair. She breathed like she was being suffocated, but managed to spare Aandes a cautious, wild-eyed glance. She was so confused and so scared. Subconsciously she clung to the string of words Aandes was mumbling and bowed her head towards him. Her hair curtained her face and she took a long, shuddering breath.

”I’m sorry…”  

[Sypon]

“Rasali… It’s okay… Shhhh, Rasali…” Cooed Aandes. He froze for a moment, making eye contact with Rasali. She had completely lost control – she was so afraid. Aandes felt a sharp point in his neck as he realized that he had no idea what she was afraid of. She knew him to his core, but the look in her eyes told of something horrible that he could not even imagine. Did he know her? The black pit in his chest ached with unwelcome pity and doubt. It couldn’t be overshadowed by his commitment to her, but for a stark moment Aandes was terrified.

Aandes wiped away another stemming tear and steeled his gaze, clearing his throat to keep reassuring her. “Slow breaths, slow, Rasali. It’s okay, I’m here.” He reminded. In no time at all she had gone from collected and bubbly to heaving, screaming and shaking. She was a bomb ready to go off. Aandes cleared his throat again, suddenly finding it incredibly dry and painful. He couldn’t help Rasali if he couldn’t help himself.

What seemed like hours passing was a mere few minutes. The fireworks show was halfway over, shepherding in a rainbow display of congratulations for the winning teams. A shower of purple glitter and fire rained down over the sea for the grand prize, casting shifting violet hues over everything and everyone on the beach. Red followed, a crimson display that made the horns of each troll fluoresce, before the final verdant burst which cast a pallid glow over the two greenbloods.

“It’s okay, Rasali… Please don’t worry, please… Everything is okay. Everything will be okay.” He shifted towards her carefully. “May I touch you?” He inquired gently.  

[seekingCylem]

Rasali was slowly beginning to come down from her panic attack. More accurately, she was segueing from flashback-based panic to mortification-based panic as she regained a sense of her surroundings. The fireworks were more a nuisance now than a threat. Her head was pounding. The past is in the past. The past is in the past. Rasali repeated the mantra in her mind to push the images back where they belonged. She counted her breaths. Aandes was still speaking to her. She nodded. She didn’t feel like anything was going to be okay. Between Old Hemisect and the old base, it was very likely Rasali would be involved in another battle if she kept following the rebellion. However, jumping ship wasn’t an option. She would hate herself so much for giving up on a cause she believed in, especially one she’d fought for—one that needed her now more than ever. The guilt and pain would last a lot longer than this panic attack. Rasali choked a little as she beckoned Aandes closer. She felt trapped.

”I’m sorry,” she repeated, ”You didn’t need to see that. M-My bad.” It was the lamest attempt to lighten the mood ever witnessed and Rasali knew it. She’d rally the energy to be ashamed of it later. She was too tired and too sick with anxiety to give her words much thought. She just wanted Aandes to stop crying. She wanted to go back in time, before all of this happened.  

[Sypon]

“Hey…Hey, Rasali…” Aandes tightened up. He wrapped his arms around her, placing his hand on the back of her head and breathing evenly for her. “Don’t worry about it… Just breathe…” He murmured into her hair.

Showers of applause echoed down the beach. The air was filled with smoke drifting with the coastal breezes lazily inland. The last of the show petered out above the two greenbloods crouching on the sand, leaving the night dim and a greyish mix of blue and orange in its wake. Streams of passerbys began to pass them by as the situation cooled.

Stupid. Rasali was trying to back out of her vulnerability. She was closing up on Aandes right within his grasp, and a bitter tang of betrayal felt like bile in his throat. He felt selfish. Why would he want to see her this way – to balance the scales? He was as petty as ever, and powerless as always. The familiar feeling of loathing began to creep back into the greenblood.

“Rasali…” Aandes furrowed his brow. “I’m here for you. I’m here.”

He reminded her with urgency. Aandes emphasized every word. Desperately, he asked her with his eyes to let him in. He had pride, yes – and he knew in her position he would have to be at rock bottom to let him in. But he had been there before. He had come crawling to her door. He had something to prove, sure, but moreover he was overflowing with hatred. She was everything he needed. It wasn’t about him now – it was about her. If it was destined to be, she would let him in. The most he could do was feel for her unconditionally. Aandes’ self-doubt melted away. He clutched her head before backing up to pull her long hair out of her face. Aandes didn’t want to make any sudden moves and stayed in close proximity.


“I’ll always be here for you. We’re in this together, you and me. Dream team. What’s going on?”  

[seekingCylem]

Rasali matched her breathing to Aandes’. In, and out. In, and out. She wasn’t calm by any stretch of the word, but she was tired and lucid. What a terrible way to end an otherwise successful Bloodfest. Ruining the evening wasn’t even the first thing Rasali felt guilty about.

She welcomed Aandes’ presence by tangling her fingers in the fabric of his shirt. She would have been content to lean against him forever, but Aandes pulled back enough to push away her hair and look into her eyes.

“Dream team.” Heh. Rasali had used the term as a joke, but at that moment it felt like a sacred bond. She trusted Aandes in spite of her hatred, or perhaps because of it? They were close enough to see all of each other’s flaws, the absolute worst of them, and still stick around. Rasali tried not to let her tears get the best of her once again, though they still trickled gently down her face.

”It’s not- It’s not just about me,” Rasali warned Aandes. This was rebel activity. Careless treatment of this information could potentially endanger not just Rasali, but also Aandes, and the entire rest of the Initiative. Rasali was afraid, but she was also afraid of being alone with this pain. She hated herself for her weakness.

So she’d share that weakness with Aandes, who she hated most of all.

”The Phoenix Initiative’s base of operations was attacked… something like a perigee ago.” Rasali averted her eyes from Aandes, but maintained her grip on his shirt. He said he wouldn’t leave and she was going to hold him to it. ”There was a traitor in the ranks, and just when she was about to be caught, she…”

Deep breaths. ”She was ready.” Rasali let out something between a sob and a laugh as she reminisced over her poor, foolish past self.

Rasali hazarded a glance back at Aandes. ”It was worse than Old Hemisect. Everyone died, Aandes. Everyone died and I killed my fair share of them.” Rasali bowed her head and twisted the material of Aandes’ shirt between her fingers. ”There were only a handful of us left. Maybe twelve, tops.”

Rasali’s grip finally loosened, her story complete. She idly traced the wrinkles she’d left in the fabric as she waited for Aandes’ reaction. She honestly wouldn’t blame him for bolting, she really wouldn’t. However, she couldn’t bear the thought of it without a few extra tears prickling the corners of her eyes.  

[Sypon]

He listened closely. Her story was every bit as horrific as he’d anticipated. No, it was more horrific. Every muscle was tensed, and after a while he felt as though he may never move again. His eyes traced her features and then slipped down to her fingers on his shirt. Even, silent breaths raised and lowered his chest.

Around them, the beach was abandoned. The seabirds had yet to return to the skies and the couple was alone. Ever slowly, Aandes shifted his hands to lie atop Rasali’s. One would never know what dangers she faced. She was a fool; a brave fool. Aandes despised her proactivity – her inclination to destroy herself for a cause that was more than likely to fail. A cause down to twelve trolls, against an all-powerful queen and her army. If she was caught, she would be marked, or culled, but certainly forgotten. She already nearly was, at least twice. Rasali was a fool. A damn fool. And she didn’t deserve any of this. No matter what cause she was a part of, ensuring her safety was of utmost importance. She was in too deep to back out, and in effect she had dragged in Aandes as well.

“I’m so sorry.”

Aandes pushed Rasali’s hair to the side and gave her a firm kiss on the forehead before pulling her in for another embrace. There was little he could do. He tugged at her skin, tightening the hug.  

[seekingCylem]

Rasali gasped at the consuming contact of Aandes’ embrace but quickly reciprocated. Her horns knocked against his shoulders as she burrowed into his chest, under his chin. She would never be able to forget the atrocities she’d seen, the pain she’d felt. However, at that exact moment, Rasali felt safe. The tragedy at the rebel base was a wound that couldn’t be healed, but it could be soothed. Rasali would carry the memory of this moment as intently as she did that of the bloodshed. She could be strong. She had at least twelve good companions on her side, and Aandes. That was more than enough to keep Rasali going.

Rasali sniffled, but her shoulders relaxed and she let herself slump against Aaandes.

”You know I’m not gonna stop, right?” Rasali murmured, barely loud enough to be heard. She was partially reassuring herself, but she also needed Aandes to know. Rasali desperately needed Aandes to know what he was dealing with, being in a relationship with her. Rasali wanted to say her secretive treatment of her rebel dealings was purely practical. She didn’t want to get anyone culled, least of all her loved ones. She was protecting people. She was strong enough to bear the secret on her own. However, Rasali was quickly learning her compartmentalization had other motivations.

Rasali was scared. Thinking about what she was doing, what she had done, and what it all meant was becoming too much for her. The Phoenix Initiative was digging itself too deep into her being to be ignored whenever it was inconvenient for Rasali. As that evening had proved, it was becoming increasingly difficult not to be affected by it. Rasali couldn’t just not acknowledge what she was doing with her life every time she responded to a mysterious note stuffed into her pocket. The strong, indomitable Rasali needed support. She needed Aandes’ support, and she couldn’t ask for it in good faith without letting him know the terrors that were involved with her work.

Rasali was too tired to cry anymore.  

[Sypon]

Aandes hummed quietly against Rasali. Just a short while ago he was unaware of all of her pain. The moment was dreamlike, surreal in its rawness. Each hitched breath was in sharp resolution. He could feel her hair against his hand and arms, brushing against his cheek. She was everywhere, falling apart and then collecting herself. In contrast, Aandes was quiet and motionless with the exception of his hands stroking her gently, trying to calm her. He stared straight ahead, looking at nothing through the dense fog of his thoughts.

As Aandes’ mind worked, his jaw tensed and twitched with worry. He was in danger, now, and now that there was no turning back the sensation washed over him in waves of dread. His entire life he’d dedicated himself to creating no-strings-attached connections. Easy escape strategies, the works. He’d managed to tear a hole right through himself with Rasali – he was hopeless from the beginning. Since they both set foot on that train, to the Skate Queen, to the Dance, to everything. Each interaction meant more to him than the last and revealed something deeper, entwining both of them. As they grew, Alternia took hold. This was not a matter of hoofbeast plushies, skating or silly dances. Even so – Rasali had been involved in… A war. She’d seen a war before they danced, and through his perception and guile he hadn’t dug deep enough to understand her. Perhaps it was because he was afraid, then, of knowing.

Each time the greenbloods met, they hardened. Alternia’s punishment showed in their grey eyes. By the time it turned them green, how many more would they have to see die? How many would they have to kill? The only way to cope with the depravity of Alternia was through commitment; it was through trust and the destined sanctum of the quadrants. While this was the moment Aandes could have backed out, in his mind they were already inseparable.

“I know,” Aandes purred. He sighed and tilted his head now to look at her in the eyes. “I won’t try to stop you.”

Aandes’ shoulders relaxed. He let the words flow out of his mouth, thinking less about his long term plan of action than he would normally like. Looking at Rasali helped this stream of consciousness. “But it sounds like you need people—good people – no loose ends – and, I’m sure, supplies. And I can do that. With subtlety.”

He looked out across the shore now, shuddering with the sudden warm breeze accompanying the oncoming dawn. His gaze was misty. If Rasali told them, he’d be marked for life. If word got out, he’d be dead. He had no intention of joining the Phoenix Initiative – of wearing a pin. He didn’t play sides, but it became clear to him that opposing The Phoenix Initiative, and therefore Rasali, was a way to his swift self-destruction. But according to Rasali’s account, the rebellion seemed hopeless. The accompanying thoughts choked up Aandes. He couldn’t speak about it, but he hoped she’d understand. Aandes quietly remained with his gaze averted, slowly clearing his throat as lumps insisted on forming.