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 Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 5:08 am
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 5:48 pm
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Kursha's eyes fluttered open. He felt surprisingly clear-headed. Present. Like he was truly seeing the world for the first time. Everything was vivid and bright, the cloak of darkness pulled away.
Pain.
It was terrible but it gave his mind focus. It made his thoughts sharper. And it was not as bad as it had been. He dimly recalled waking up several times before. Though he had been barely conscious, the memories had been burned into his brain by periods of intense agony that racked body his body and ravaged his mind. His thoughts were incoherent, frantic, a wail of sirens, and the rattling of bones. Death lie in wait just around the corner it seemed. Then, darkness claimed him and he lost all recollection of the waking world.
Sometimes there were nightmares. Sometimes the Dark Carnival paraded its terrors on the fringes of his dreams, but other times he was visited by visions of a bloodied conscience. Fear hunted him throughout the coldest corners of his thinkpan until he was eventually pinned, snarling and growling like a wild beast. Every time though, just when it seemed he could not escape he was saved by the descent of darkness. Everything slipped away and he was left alone. Black. Quiet. Solitude.
Kursha turned his head to the side, taking in his surroundings. He was in what appeared to be an enormous hollowed out tree. It was a shoddy affair, barely habitable in comparison to modern civilisation but a tidy arrangement of furniture, clothes, and other such possessions suggested long-term residence. A pile of bandages on the floor nearby drew his eye. Green smudges stained the material. After a moment he saw a small, fuzzy face peer out from between the wrappings.
Tossing aside the thin blanket that covered him, Kursha eased himself upright. Bandages covered his torso and braced his throat. A near depleted sopor patch clung to his bicep; he ripped it off and tossed it to the floor. He then started on the bandages around his neck. When the last of the bandages fell into his lap, he gently massaged the muscles under his chin. Breathing came easily and the rattle had gone from his throat. Yet something was not right.
Kursha did not dwell on it. His fingers drifted down to the bandages around his chest. As he teased one end free, he hesitated. His hands trembled. Then, biting his lip, he began the slow process of unravelling the bandages.
He stopped when the scar appeared. Tracing the damaged tissue with his fingertip, Kursha mused silently. For a moment, he had felt a brief surge of rage but as quickly as it had come it was gone. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking. Despite the clarity he felt, his thoughts remained strangely blank. Hands steady now, he unwrapped the rest of the bandages and dropped them to the floor on top of the sopor patch.
After a few deep breaths, Kursha stood. He could feel his body protesting. His joints creaked and popped from disuse, and twinges of pain from his chest reminded him of his condition. His breathing turned sharp as he twisted to get his feet underneath him but then the feeling passed. Once more he was in control. Leaning against the wall, Kursha navigated the circumference of the hive. He ignored the gerbils that scampered between his feet, all his thoughts intent on finding food. |
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 7:02 pm
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Luxara hefted the freshly downed bird over her shoulder. A quick kill and with plenty of time to make a good broth tonight. She'd gotten good at that lately. It was a process, but it wittled away time and made her feel productive. Useful.
Time kept chugging along, that was for sure. Surface wounds had been healing with few infection issues, and her patient hadn't coughed up blood in a while. Nor barfed soup back up. Hell, he'd talked a few times...or really mumbled. Mostly to himself, though sometimes she'd get a dialogue out if it. But in the end he was probably dreaming. None of it ever made any sense.
She looked up at the night sky, exhaling. She let a hand drift to her face. It had only been two weeks. The nick by her eye was still weird to acknowledge. It wasn't unusual for her to just start running her fingers over the callused scar tissue. The wound was so, so close to her eyeball. Just a hair away from having lost half of her natural sight. And no home remedies on the planet would've saved it if it had gotten infected. A lucky break for making such a terrible move.
But she didn't want to think about it. Nothing about that night. Keep moving forward.
With her crossbow strapped over her shoulder, Luxara lugged her cargo into the trees. Coat tails flew behind her as she sped through the canopy. She had to get back to her hive, begin food prep, boil the water, check herb stocks, go back out and find local roots and bulbs to toss in, hopefully not get noticed by any hunters...
At least she'd eventually get to skin the carcass. That was always fun in its own way. Maybe she'd have an interesting enough stream of thought to share with Kursha during downtime. He never responded, but that was okay. She could talk enough for both of them.
At least it wasn't weird anymore to think that he was in her hive all night every night, now. In the beginning it was strange. Luxara rarely had visitors, much less people who stayed over. Meanwhile this...this person, this guy, this something had a spot next to her recuperacoon. Hearing him breathing was enough to unnerve her. Sometimes the worse dreams woke her up paranoid that he was looming over and about to choke her.
Thoughts like that were silly. He was too much of a mess to be a threat in any case. But she was expecting to come back one day to find an empty hive.
She didn't expect any thanks for her efforts. Appreciation was a fickle mistress for some trolls, apparently.
But it wouldn't do to get home thinking bad stuff. That would just make her sloppy.
Luxara jumped from a tree among many others, and landed on the branches of her hive. Her home didn't stand out among the foliage, either, but she could always tell it from the others.
Stagdad's antler rubbings were enough to clue in anyone who knew her.
It was a clear night, so she hadn't covered the top of the tree after she left. Why would she? No one would swoop through the branches to find the open entrance, and it's not like her gerbils could get out.
She found the topmost foothold and started climbing down her tall hive. At the bottom, she made sure neither fuzzball was underfoot before hopping down. She had a system. The table was to the side, dump the body on there for the time being, then she had to go see if there was plenty of water stocked up to start earlier...
But as she turned around, she caught full sight of another standing someone in the space. She nearly jumped in shock. "Kur! You're...you're up?" And he had taken all his bandages off. Did he not know what the point of those were? She had just changed them before she left! But he was leaning heavily against the trunk. She approached him, making sure she could provide support if he stumbled or passed out. "I think you should lie back down. It's not fun to move so much after, well, not, for so long." She put a hand on his forehead to check for a fever. At the moment she cared too much to worry about him being a jackass, and he looked too miserable still to garner anything other than pity. If that changed, well, she still had her crossbow.
But she couldn't help but smile to see that he was up and about.
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Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 12:38 pm
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Kursha caught sight of Luxara before she caught sight of him. Like a lunatic, she was descending through the hollow in the top of the tree rather than from oh, say... a door. Over her shoulder she carried an enormous wingbeast with a thick bolt in its neck. The culprit, a crossbow, was strapped to her back.
His stomach clenched as he watched her complete her descent. A tightness had formed in his shoulders. Her presence evoked images from the last night in memory, and drew out of him emotions that he had kept walled off since waking. Suddenly he was overwhelmed with feelings of dread. He was not prepared to face her but any moment she would turn and see him. He should have never woken. He was going to be sick.
After depositing the wingbeast Luxara turned, and Kursha stared into her startled face. Then his gaze shifted to the scar between her eyes. It had healed up nicely. The scar tissue was evident but there was no sign of infection. Nor was her vision impaired if the crossbow over her back and the dead wingbeast was any indication. He felt a surge of relief... Or he should have, but all he could taste was bitterness.
“Of course. What did you expect?” Kursha said in response to Luxara stating the obvious. The sound of his own voice startled him. It was almost like phlegm was caught in his throat. He coughed once to clear it and the dull ache in his chest amplified.
Luxara had sidled up beside him in the meantime. She was regarding him with soft eyes and an expression that matched pity, even with that idiotic grin plastered over her face. Kursha's hand formed a fist. Was that all he was worth now? Someone's pity? Pity was the very last thing he wanted or deserved.
“I'll be fine,” he mumbled, and swatted her hand away from his forehead. He cleared his throat again. Some of the rattle had returned and a feeling like an itch. Straightening, Kursha forced himself to meet Luxara's gaze. Closer to his full height, he now looked down at the greenblood. One hand remained firmly pressed to the wall.
“How long?”
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Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 1:06 pm
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"You don't sound fine," she retorted. Considering that he was choked so hard, maybe it was lucky he could talk at all. Getting her hand slapped away didn't surprise her one bit. It was slightly disappointing, but at least it showed his personality was intact. The little pissant was still in there. Good for him.
It was enough to let her look up at him with a passing look of defiance. A momentary 'I did so much for you even though you didn't deserve it, thanks for helping me remember' sort of deal. Then she averted her gaze and redirected her attention on her pets. She moved a little ways from him to scoop her gerbils up and put them in her pockets. They nibbled at her fingers and scrambled around. "It's been something like two weeks." She was about to add that she hoped his lusus didn't mind, but then, she had never met his guardian. Not as a child nor now. "I...I guess I felt accountable for some of what went down. I had other reasons, too, but..." Luxara paused and sighed. "It's a huge jumble of stuff. And you just got up for the first time in so long, so I'm not gonna just dump everything on you now." It's not like he could leave in good faith anyways. He was still her prisoner whether he liked it or not. She'd have time to take care of things no matter what. "But I'm glad you're okay. I...uh..." No. No, he didn't deserve her feelings. Stomp them out until they aren't real. She cleared her throat. "You need anything? Bathroom, food? If you need it, I can let you use my recuperacoon for a bit."
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Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2015 4:31 am
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“I'll be fine,” he repeated in a growl. He believed it too. No matter how beat down he was, he would always rise up again, twice as strong for his failures. His current condition—his weakness—was only temporary. He would get better or he would die trying. And dying of course, was not an option.
Luxara met his eyes and Kursha could feel the weight in her gaze. She had always been a bit of chatterbox, always going on about something and never really saying anything, but in silence she said more than her words ever had. He knew she judged him. As if she had any right to judge. She did not understand the half of it. He stared back, his own gaze hard. The usual s**t-eating grin that he wore from night to night was absent. He did not have the energy to smile—no, he did not have the energy for pretense. Even if he did, he would not want to.
At last Luxara turned away, her attention shifting to the gerbils scampering across the floor. Maybe she was having just as hard a time facing him as he was facing her. Wouldn't that be something? As she outlined the events, Kursha listened, mute. His shoulders sagged at the mention of two weeks; further when she said she felt partially accountable.
“You feel accountable?” he echoed when she finished. He was making a pointed effort of ignoring her gestures of hospitality. “You had nothing to do with what happened. Really. Don't flatter yourself by thinking otherwise.” He tried to laugh but the sound was sour. “That was all me. I was looking too deeply into something that was never even there. It should have been obvious from the start. My bad on that... I guess,” he spat.
He could hardly believe the s**t that was coming out of his own mouth. Was it honesty? Or was it a pathetic attempt to protect his frail ego? Or maybe it fell somewhere in between, a combination of truth and martyrdom. Either way, he was blaming her.
“Whatever.” His hand slid away from the wall. For a moment he wobbled, but he quickly found his balance. “It doesn't matter. Just give me my crap and I'll be on my way and out of your hair.” |
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Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2015 8:33 am
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She kept her gaze on him as he spoke, her face neutral. Neutral for Luxara, anyhow. His verbal attack stung, despite her efforts to resist, but she didn't react until he tried to establish independence.
His stumble didn't help.
Luxara couldn't help but laugh, a bitter thing, but it felt good to know she had some control over the spiraling situation. "Is that an order, Kur? Do you think it works like that? I take care of you even though you did a number on one of my best friends, and you get to be a jackass and just leave as soon as you can stand up for a minute? Not to mention using me to start your little pissing contest." Another snort full of condescending humor. "No, you don't get your stuff back yet. You haven't earned it. Not until you get off your high horse and talk to me and stop making me out to be the bad guy."
Letting it all out was a bit exasperating. Despite the attitude she unleashed in this moment, Luxara sagged and sighed. "And even after all that I tried to say I'm sorry in any way I could but you still hate me. You're so frustrating but like a naive wriggler I keep caring about you anyways. If taking care of you for a while doesn't mean anything, I guess nothing in the world will change your mind. If you want to keep making everyone out to be the enemy without bothering to make any real reason for it, fine, go play your little game. I'm sorry for ever giving a s**t."
He could always leave without his weapons. Eventually he'd pass out and she'd have to drag him back, but she supposed she wasn't going to stop him at this point. Feelings were hard. Especially with assholes who refused to give second chances.
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Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2015 3:46 pm
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Luxara's first thoughts centered on Kursha's timeline. The second half sounded a lot like times she remembered...but the beginning? Did he mean the literal start of when they met and on? This whole time...up until that last encounter? ...Oh.
Her gerbils were getting anxious. She knew it was because they didn't like being cooped up, but pretended they could feel the mood in the hivehold. She swallowed. It seemed she had a lot to answer for. Luxara inhaled.
"I was wrong to meddle in your affairs like that. Or try to. I just...I just wanted to help. I didn't know things had gotten so bad. If I did, I wouldn't have gotten involved. But either way, I still care about Gan. He's one of the best things in my life. We've worked things out between us, I think. He gave me another chance. And I guess that's what I'm doing here with you. Just...trying to pick up the pieces. Seeing if it can work. Figuring things out.
But I've always liked spending time with you, too. You were the first person I met with a real ego. It was interesting! I guess I was drawn in because of the attitude. You always seemed to know what you were doing, and that tantrum you had in the cave was funny to me. I thought you were unique, entertaining, and fun. I-I had no idea that you hated me back then. I just thought that was how you acted.
You mattered to me, though. It would've been impossible to choose between you or Gan if I had to pick.
Yeah, I'm mad at you. I'm allowed to be. You threatened me, you used me as a tool for a petty fight. And that night I hated you. I've never hated anyone before. It was...it was something. Not something to talk about now, though, I think.
But, Kur, you wouldn't have died with dignity. You were a broken heap. To anything that would've found you, you would've looked pathetic. And to me, you were acting like a wild animal. Where's the pride in that? In any of it?
That night, I could've left you for dead. But I guess I figured I could bring you back here and interrogate you eventually. Be some cold badass and scream at you asking what was going through your thinkpan when you did all that crap all those weeks ago. I guess that's what my original plan was.
I took care of you for a long time, though. It wore away the anger for a bit. Every day you made progress, I was happy. Just...glad for you. You were okay. Although I had plenty of reason to hate you and hold onto that cold anger, I still loved you too. And even now I still care, apparently, cuz you know what? If you decided to just stomp out of here, I wouldn't let you because you'd die out in the woods or on your way up to Busthind and I don't want to lose you.
I want to spend more time with you and I want another shot at being friends after the dust settles. I don't know what to do about caring about two people who hate each other to the point of nearly killing each other, but please don't make me choose." Her hand slowly went up to her scar again as she looked away. She paused. Then, "I got involved because I didn't want to lose either of you during that fight. Or, worse, both, somehow. You guys and For are my best friends."
Being caught in the middle of so much pure, unleaded hate sucked.
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Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2015 4:27 pm
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Kursha had not expected to hear the words he did after his outburst. He had expected her to slap him, call him an idiot, deny the validity of his emotions, because after all, he was wrong, wrong, wrong. None of those things happened though. In fact, it almost sounded like... she was apologising. His stomach turned to knots. She was admitting that her involvement was a mistake. But that was wrong. He had dragged her into his mess and then blamed her for it.
He was awful.
Even as he thought that though, Luxara's next words struck him like a slap in the face. She liked him. Actually liked him. The possibility that she enjoyed his company had never occurred to him before. During all the time they spent together, Kursha had assumed their relationship was one of benign rivalry, mixed with mutual dislike. Or at the very least impersonal friendliness on Luxara's part. He never suspected that her feelings were anything more than that.
How had she ever managed to put up with him?
Suddenly drained, Kursha leaned back against the tree trunk. He slid down to rest on the floor. The rest of what Luxara said seemed to pass through his sponge clots without effect. He was too numb to react. Her words only served to stack higher on his guilt, until he felt totally crushed.
There was a pause after she finished. Kursha stared at the ground, one knee hugging his chest. Slowly, he covered his face with his hands, fingers pulling at his hair as his forehead pressed into his palms. Nothing made sense any more.
“I'm so sorry.”
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Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2015 5:30 pm
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Luxara didn't understand. Her words were supposed to help, or at least find a middle ground. She wasn't tearing him apart like she had originally meant to. But Kursha was curling up into a ball of sadness anyways.
She didn't think there was any way that what she said could cause a meltdown like that. True, she didn't address everything gently, but... It wasn't all bad, either?
Well. It didn't matter. He was sorry. Though the last time she thought he felt guilt over his actions, she turned out to be wrong. Surely now he wouldn't try to have a hidden agenda with the odds so against him. He didn't even need one.
So she just shrugged it off. Luxara wasn't sure if she could trust Kursha on the whole, but she could trust his current actions.
While he hid his face, Luxara slowly came closer, then once at the wall, she kneeled down next to him. She touched his shoulder with a couple of fingers to let him know she was there, and then after a small hesitation, wrapped her arms around him the best she could.
"Everyone screws up. Sometimes really bad." Like Gan. "We'll work this out. Yeah?"
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Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2015 8:03 pm
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"Maybe not yet. But you'll get there, I think." With time and patience, almost anything was possible. Wounds healed. Life grew. And they had a lot of time ahead. Luxara couldn't hope that Kursha and Ganyma would be friends again. She wouldn't dare to. Instead, she would rather focus on making sure Kursha wouldn't slip into that kind of hateful you-or-me state again.
After all, this wouldn't have been the first time tunnel vision nearly ended his life.
In the meantime, she just let the moments tick away as the two of them stayed there on the floor. Being intimate like this was...nice. Much like it had been when showing affection and sympathy with friends like For and Gan, but also different. The feeling was slightly electrifying and warmed her in a different kind of heat than from wearing a big coat. More like a burst of warmth as the bodies touched like so.
It was a strange phenomenon. She found herself wanting to nuzzle into him. But that would be inappropriate beyond belief. Even she knew that. Instead, Luxara started petting Kursha's hair the best she could from her angle.
A little voice reminded her that this was the same person she was nearly willing to leave to the forest's wrath. She had to be careful with her fondness. Things weren't suddenly going to be better because he said sorry. If she was going to hope for some sort of real affectionate something out of this, well, it would be a bad, bad move on her part.
She swallowed. Soon she mumbled to him, "Are you hungry? I know I am." She needed to get to that flightbeast's carcass anyhow. It'd keep herself busy instead of getting closer to letting him off way too easy. Or worse.
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