Apparently, I'm the "straightest gay guy" ever.

[lgtenos]

Just received that "compliment" from my friend. He made this claim for the following reasons:

* I do Mixed Martial Arts.
* I was a firefighter.
* I was in the U.S. Army.
* I like country music.
* I play first-person shooter video games.
* I drive a truck.

A rather odd claim, in my opinion. Anyway, have you ever been labeled something by your friends and/or family based on exterior factors such as these? I know I have.  

[Saint Sims]

I've not been pegged as too many things.

I've been told the "straight gay guy" deal which is quite quizzical.

Growing up I was always told I was the "smart guy" when in fact I was simply an average student. I read a lot of current events, pop culture oriented things, and news so I was able to raffle off random facts when they applied; in truth I wasn't necessarily "smart."

 

[Taeryyn]

I've gotten similar comments. "You don't look gay." or "You don't act gay."

I know what they mean, of course. I don't fit many of the stereotypes. But it seems like such a backhanded thing to say, because oftentimes the people making the comments seem relieved, or act like it's some kind of compliment.

So what if I were a walking stereotype? Is that bad? confused It's not that the intent is malicious, it's just ...uncomfortable.  

[Sea Thrift]

Taeryyn

I've gotten similar comments. "You don't look gay." or "You don't act gay."

I know what they mean, of course. I don't fit many of the stereotypes. But it seems like such a backhanded thing to say, because oftentimes the people making the comments seem relieved, or act like it's some kind of compliment.

So what if I were a walking stereotype? Is that bad? confused It's not that the intent is malicious, it's just ...uncomfortable.

^ I agree. Usually when I hear these kind of comments, it comes with a sense of relief. Perhaps it's unconscious, but the fact that it's there just shows those people have unrealistic expectations they project onto others.

What those moments really translate to is this: "I'm relieved you don't fit this stereotype; please stay that way because it's very emotionally satisfying and confirms my biases."

Don't get me wrong though—we all kind of do that to some extent, some more than others, but it gets bad when people make outright comments like the OP's friend did. Is it actually a compliment to be told you act straight even though you're gay? Maybe it is—in a society that is prejudiced against homosexual stereotypes.  

[Gummy burrs]

My boyfriend said I would look like a lesbian if I got a bobbed haircut....cause, you know, physical appearance accurately displays your sexual orientation. rolleyes



I saw a Youtube blogger address a topic similar to the one OP brought up (it was about roles in the bedroom). From his experience it seems that males who are gay find maleness/masculinity super attractive (because it's associated with the dom role), and femaleness/femininity (submissive role) not as much.

I think that anti-fem comment OP mentioned comes down to the sexism in our (U.S.) culture that states that maleness is good because you get stuff done, and, well, femaleness is cute, but not a serious role.

Women also have more flexible gender roles than males do because of anti-fem ideology. For example, little girls can wear boy clothes in school, but in many cases boys are not allowed to wear girl clothes in school.

There is more that pops into my head when it comes to sexism is and homosexuality, stuff like "women need to have men by their sides cause they're fragile wittle snowflakes, so lesbianism is bad" and "why would you take on a more feminine role - you're degrading yourself dude".... burning_eyes

There's nothing wrong with femininity. Screw what the majority has ingrained into their brains.  

[Gummy burrs]

Taeryyn

I've gotten similar comments. "You don't look gay." or "You don't act gay."

I know what they mean, of course. I don't fit many of the stereotypes. But it seems like such a backhanded thing to say, because oftentimes the people making the comments seem relieved, or act like it's some kind of compliment.

So what if I were a walking stereotype? Is that bad? confused It's not that the intent is malicious, it's just ...uncomfortable.

Nope, falling into a category is not bad. What is bad is if that category that you fall in is deemed bad - that category being masculinity in your case...luckily masculinity is deemed a good thing by most.  

[Gummy burrs]

lgtenos

Being labeled doesn't bother me personally. I have really thick skin and I don't give the slightest hoot about others' opinions on my life. I did, however, find that "compliment" to be intriguing. The term "straightest gay guy" sounds very oxymoronic. What if I retorted and claimed my friend was the "gayest straight guy"? Would that have made an equal amount of sense? Overall, I'm just happy to be myself. Yes, most of the activities I do are characteristic of the macho-man stereotype. If someone has an issue with that, their fault, not mine.

For those that define gay as being a very feminine male who is sexually attracted to males, calling someone the straightest gay makes sense.

Gender role doesn't equal sexual orientation. I think <- it is popular topic in the LBGT community, and that it is a topic that people outside the LBGT community, whose cultures contain homophobia and traditionalism, sometimes tend to disregard.

P.S: Thank you for bringing up this topic emotion_bigheart ; it is such an important concept to address.  

[ii Jamie Kym]

I'm a transwoman and i'm very tomboyish:

I hate flip-flips and sandals (Love heels and wedges though)

I do Thai-boxing

I like pro wrestling

i hate longdresses

I completely understand what you're saying.  

[Sea Thrift]

lgtenos

Being labeled doesn't bother me personally. I have really thick skin and I don't give the slightest hoot about others' opinions on my life. I did, however, find that "compliment" to be intriguing. The term "straightest gay guy" sounds very oxymoronic. What if I retorted and claimed my friend was the "gayest straight guy"? Would that have made an equal amount of sense? Overall, I'm just happy to be myself. Yes, most of the activities I do are characteristic of the macho-man stereotype. If someone has an issue with that, their fault, not mine.

To someone who unconsciously holds stereotypes to be absolute, it would make sense.

But there's the satire. Many people know it's ridiculous and funny to think stereotypes are absolute, and it can be an amusing topic. I love it when comedians make fun of stereotypes. In real life though, it's not so funny, and to condone it can create problems in the long run.  

[DragonSlayer Arcos]

Dude you and I are the same person I think. Literally all you listed I am currently, except for the shooter game thing. Crazy!

As for the labels, eh I don't have much opinion on them. They are names, allow it to define you, or define the name. However no one ever thinks I dig men unless I tell them, and I don't hide it lol.  

[lgtenos]

DragonSlayer Arcos

Dude you and I are the same person I think.

Sup bro. cool  

[DragonSlayer Arcos]

lgtenos

Not much Bruh lol  

[Taeryyn]

It's kind of interesting that being tough/a good fighter is so tied to masculinity, because I know some very femme guys who could absolutely kick my a**, and the asses of a lot of guys who are much bigger and stronger than me. blaugh Same goes for a number of girls.