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Gabrielle_AnimalLuver Crew
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 Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 1:54 pm
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Rascal passed away this morning.
24hrs ago he was a happy lively cat, too skinny and occasionally throwing up undigested food but, happy and energetic and fine. I was in bed watching tv, my brother called my cell twice, I didn't pick up. He came in my room and told me to get downstairs right away, something was wrong with Rascal.
Basically, around midnight, Rascal walked into Brent's room, stared at the wall, fell off his bed and then walked into the wall.
I ran him to the emergency clinic,where we waited an hour cause he was "stable" they redid his blood, all still normal, except a high glucose which could be explained by stress. They wanted to keep him overnight and then do an ultrasound around 1:30pm was the next available spot. Needless to say I took Rascal home, I monitored his temp and heart as best I could and held him in my arms keeping him warm. He never relaxed, in fact at 5am he seemed worse, he was panting before but by 5 it was almost non stop. At 5am in the morning I looked up the number for the 24/7 in home euthanasia, but, then I told myself in just 2hrs my old clinic will open. So I held him, all stiff and stressed and maybe in pain, for two excruciatingly long hours.
I got to the clinic the moment they opened the doors, they took him right away, put him on oxygen, got monitoring equip. The vet gave him butorphanol to calm him and relieve any pain. Then we went into X-rays, which showed an abnormality in his stomach, then into ultrasound, where it seemed they'd never seen anything like it. His stomach was full and abnormal, his kidneys abnormal, his gallbladder abnormal. But nothing could link symptoms together. The fact was, it was neurological, and he'd need an MRI to get to the bottom of this. Which meant another transport, more weighting, and he was just getting worse. So I made the decision I should have made at 5am. I couldn't bear to prolong his suffering for my own selfish desire to know why this happened. I called my parents, my best friend. My brother wasn't able to make it.
Rascal died in my arms, surrounded by loved ones. Not at home like I'd always imagined, but he was unaware of where he was anyway. It pains me that he was like that for 9 whole hours. But then in hind site, it was still so incredibly sudden.
So far, I'm worried that I might actually be going insane. Maybe it's because I haven't slept in 36ish hours but, I feel like, it isn't real. I can talk about it, and browse urns and I'm okay, and then there's a crack in reality and I slip into the world where he's really gone and I can't cry loud enough to release the pressure on my heart. So I start to scream. Nonsense at first and then just scream at the top of my lungs, when my head hurts so much from my own screaming, I snap back into the reality where it isn't real.
I was suppose to work today, I text my boss that I couldn't work and she had to go open for me. But tomorrow, I have to go, keep on living. I've had rascal since I was 10yrs old, I can't remember not having him in my life and I don't know how not to. Cowboy is actually terrified of my crying. I need my lil man to snuggle up beside me when I feel sad and now that it feels my word is crumbling down around me, he's gone.
I apologize for not being around anymore and then just popping in with my own problems. Been working 6-7 days a week and writing for my local paper.
Anyway, Rascal has lost half a pound. I know that sounds like nothing, but, it's about 5% of his body weight, which is A LOT. And, I believe that it happened within the last month or two. I feel awefull for not realizing it until it had gotten so bad. Ran him off to the vet for a FULL blood panel and urinalysis, had blood sent out for a T4 (keep in mind I no longer have a discount) and everything came back normal. Well...his creatinine is back up, actually hit a new high, but, vet says it still doesn't explain weight loss. His appetite is GREAT, he's still active and playfull and affectionate. But just, SKINNY. Way too skinny for my liking. I wanted to send out a stool sample but I was going away for a week and didn't think I could get a decently fresh sample before I left so I just treated him with revolution. Something I don't usually do because he's NEVER had fleas or any parasites that I know of in all his 14yrs despite not being on meds and I prefer not to give him drugs on account of his kidney problem. So I'll never know for sure now if he just had worms, he doesn't seem to be loosing more weight but I don't think he's gained any back. In the meantime I've increased feeding times and amounts. The vet offered me to ultrasound him at a really incredible price. Like, even cheaper than if I still had my discount. I just have to call and make the appointment. I think it would tell a lot about his kidney health if anything. However Rascal gets UBER stressed when put on his back. Like, a**l glands stressed. So I'm nervous about putting him through that, never mind the stress of the car ride.
Anyway, just needed to vent a lil and of course suggestions and advice is welcome.
As for Cowboy, he's actually doing really well. No sign of limping. Only tell tale sign that he even has arthritis is the slow stand ups after waking up or lying down for a while. But he's running and, even playing a tiny bit of frisbee. I'm looking into a dog scooter to keep him in shape, I took him off the senior food while we were on vacation which was good cause I think he lost a bit of weight even WITH the fatty food, but now he's back home and doing nothing, on the Acana Pacifica he'll pack it on if I don't keep him moving.
I keep meaning to start slowly training in frisbee again. But my sched has been crazy. So we've taken to dock dogs for now. Which he just LOVES. But, is still hesitant on the dock and stops to look before jumping which costs him at least a good 5 feet. Hopefully we can hit our 10 feet sometime this summer lol. He cleaned up with two 1rst and a 2nd in Novice last weekend.
While I'm at it, the brats are well. Blaze has gotten ROUND and Aida remains slender. I've ordered loads of toys cause they seem bored out of their minds. But Aida just hit 2yrs and 6 months and is still going strong.
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Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:26 am
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 8:53 pm
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 9:13 pm
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Gabrielle_AnimalLuver Crew
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 5:29 pm
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Rascal passed away this morning.
24hrs ago he was a happy lively cat, too skinny and occasionally throwing up undigested food but, happy and energetic and fine. I was in bed watching tv, my brother called my cell twice, I didn't pick up. He came in my room and told me to get downstairs right away, something was wrong with Rascal.
Basically, around midnight, Rascal walked into Brent's room, stared at the wall, fell off his bed and then walked into the wall.
I ran him to the emergency clinic,where we waited an hour cause he was "stable" they redid his blood, all still normal, except a high glucose which could be explained by stress. They wanted to keep him overnight and then do an ultrasound around 1:30pm was the next available spot. Needless to say I took Rascal home, I monitored his temp and heart as best I could and held him in my arms keeping him warm. He never relaxed, in fact at 5am he seemed worse, he was panting before but by 5 it was almost non stop. At 5am in the morning I looked up the number for the 24/7 in home euthanasia, but, then I told myself in just 2hrs my old clinic will open. So I held him, all stiff and stressed and maybe in pain, for two excruciatingly long hours.
I got to the clinic the moment they opened the doors, they took him right away, put him on oxygen, got monitoring equip. The vet gave him butorphanol to calm him and relieve any pain. Then we went into X-rays, which showed an abnormality in his stomach, then into ultrasound, where it seemed they'd never seen anything like it. His stomach was full and abnormal, his kidneys abnormal, his gallbladder abnormal. But nothing could link symptoms together. The fact was, it was neurological, and he'd need an MRI to get to the bottom of this. Which meant another transport, more weighting, and he was just getting worse. So I made the decision I should have made at 5am. I couldn't bear to prolong his suffering for my own selfish desire to know why this happened. I called my parents, my best friend. My brother wasn't able to make it.
Rascal died in my arms, surrounded by loved ones. Not at home like I'd always imagined, but he was unaware of where he was anyway. It pains me that he was like that for 9 whole hours. But then in hind site, it was still so incredibly sudden.
So far, I'm worried that I might actually be going insane. Maybe it's because I haven't slept in 36ish hours but, I feel like, it isn't real. I can talk about it, and browse urns and I'm okay, and then there's a crack in reality and I slip into the world where he's really gone and I can't cry loud enough to release the pressure on my heart. So I start to scream. Nonsense at first and then just scream at the top of my lungs, when my head hurts so much from my own screaming, I snap back into the reality where it isn't real.
I was suppose to work today, I text my boss that I couldn't work and she had to go open for me. But tomorrow, I have to go, keep on living. I've had rascal since I was 10yrs old, I can't remember not having him in my life and I don't know how not to. Cowboy is actually terrified of my crying. I need my lil man to snuggle up beside me when I feel sad and now that it feels my word is crumbling down around me, he's gone.
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 6:10 pm
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 6:38 pm
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Posted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 8:16 pm
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 4:05 am
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 9:36 am
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 11:01 am
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 11:06 pm
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oh Gabs, I am so sorry sad its hard, but it will get easier. You did the right thing for him, even if it took you a little longer than you would have liked, thats ok, you were trying to see what could be done. I was wondering if something had happened when you changed your pics on facebook, but I checked and it said nothing, so I assumed everything was ok *hug* hang in there, I know about the fog of it seeming to be a bad dream, or unreal, and then realizing it is, but it will get easier. heart heart heart heart
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Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 11:15 pm
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Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 7:11 am
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Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 9:06 am
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