Clerks 5: Dante's Infernal Randall Infestation

[RevvRaptor]

Well fellows and fellow-ette's of FFF, I return from a faraway land of magic, mysticism, and epicness.. AKA Quentin Tarintino's house party, but that's a story for another day when I'm not procrastinating XD

Months ago, I did this for the Monthly Draws, now I want to make this a regular thing.. Final Fantasy, combined with classic (and new) comedy, it's like YouTube except WMG isn't muting every other video XD Feel free to contribute your own FF comedy, just remember to follow Forum rules and such XD

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Squall: "Back again with an astounding lead of $16, is Burt Reynolds.."

Zidane: "Hey, uhh, check out the podium, check this out!"

Squall: "Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to 'Turd Ferguson'.."

Zidane: "Yeah that's right, Turd Ferguson, it's a funny name!"

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Cloud: "Why do you wanna kill me?"

Sephiroth: ".....What?"

Cloud: "I said why do you wanna kill me?"

Sephiroth: ???

Cloud: "WHERE IS HARVEY DENT?"

Sephiroth: *Gutsman's A- with chime!*

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Exdeath: *casts Firaga* "WHOOSH~!"

Bartz: "Galuf.. Galuf.. Galuf is on fire!"

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Cloud: "Hey Squall, guess what?"

Squall: "What?"

Cloud: "I just bought you a Mercedes Benz!"

Squall: "Well that was very nice of you.."

Cloud: "Heh heh, yeah, with your credit card!"

Squall: "I can't afford all those payments!"

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Cloud: "Hey Squall, guess what?"

Squall: "What?"

Cloud: "I just crashed your car!"

Squall: *Gutsman's A- with chime!*

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Cloud: "And in third place.." *sigh* "Sean Connery.."

Sephiroth: "Well well Trebek, fancy seeing you here, it's been a while!"

Cloud: "Not long enough.."

Sephiroth: "That's not what your mother said last night!"

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Cloud: "And the categories are.. Potent Potables; How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?; Things Trebek Sucks.. Wait a minute.."

Sephiroth: "HAHAHAHAHA!!"

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Cloud: "Sean Connery, you wrote.. Below.. I don't know why you wrote that, but the category is 'Write Anything' so technically it's a correct answer.. And you wagered.. Me.. Below Me.."

Sephiroth: "HA! HAHAHAHA!"

Cloud: "Below Me.. I don't get it.."

Sephiroth: "Oh, I'll betcha you do ya Nibelhelmian ponce!"

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Cloud: "Sean Connery, the drummer for The Beatles?"

Sephiroth: "Uhh, Craven Morhed.."

Cloud: "Who is Craven Morhed?"

Sephiroth: "Apparently YOU are!"  

[RevvRaptor]

Cloud: "Meteor is going to hit!"

Planet: "I'mma Firin' Mah Laz0r! BLAAARRGH!!"

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Kuja: "What.. The.. F*..?"

Zidane: *Trance Mode* "I won't let you.. Get away.. With this! HAAA!" *Super Saiyan*

Kefka: "Vegeta, what does the Scouter say about his Power Level?"

Ultimecia: "It's way too far past being many times Over 9000!"

Chaos: "I'm surrounded by idiots.."

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Kuja: "That was simply the Overture!"

Zidane: "Then allow me to.. SUCKER PUNCH!"

Kuja: *explodes in massive mushroom cloud*

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Ultimecia: "I've got you now, you're finished Squall!"

Squall: "...."

Zidane: "Squall, say it, it's your only chance!"

Squall: *sigh* "Sucker Punch.."

Ultimecia: "What?"

Squall: "I said Sucker Punch.."

Ultimecia: "Why do you keep saying.."

Squall: "GOD D*IT, SUCKER PUNCH!"

Ultimecia: *explodes in a massive mushroom cloud*

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Zell: "I'm the best!"

Tifa: "No, I am, plus I'm the sexiest!"

Sabin: "Wrong, it's all me!"

Seifer: "You all suck.."

Zell, Tifa, and Sabin: "SUCKER PUNCH!"

Seifer: *Gutsman's A- with chime!*

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Cloud: "I pity you, you just don't get it at all.."

Sephiroth: "Hmm?"

Cloud: "Guile's Theme DOES go with everything!" *GTGWE: Pwning Sephiroth* "Stay where you belong.. In Internet Meme He-.."

Sephiroth: "I will never be in.." *chime* "WHAT THE FU-" *BOOOOOM!!*  

[RevvRaptor]

Come on people, I can't be the only one with some comedic FF parodical gems in mind, join in, it's fun times ten with a Totem Pole mrgreen

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Superfriends Narrator: "Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice.."

Squall: *facepalm* "You can NOT be serious.."

Warrior of Light: "What? He makes all the regular storyline breaks transition more smoothly, plus he distracts Kefka.."

Narrator: "Meanwhile, back at the Legion of Doom.."

Kefka: *claps* "YAY! Again, again, ag-AGH!" *shanked*

Terra: "Wow, that really does work.."

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Kadaj: *transforms into Sephiroth* "Good to see you.. Cloud.."

Cloud: "SEPHIROTH!"

Sephiroth: *GutsMan's A- with chime and angry Mega Man*

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*dramatic organ music and lightning effects* =Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore=

Kefka: "Gentlemen, BEHOLD! I've lost weight!"

Kuja: "Oh wow, lookin' good! So, did you use diet and exercise, or.."

Kefka: "No, I lost the weight.. Manually.. With THIS!" *holds up and revvs chainsaw* "BWAHAHAHAHA!!" *saws legs* "I need to lose 20 more pounds, or I'll never be pretty!"

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*somber salsa music* =Spacecataz=

Emperor: *moons alongside Exdeath*

Cecil: "What the? Aww man, they're mooning us!"

Golbez: "Impossible, they cannot moon us, for we are from the Moon! Quickly Err, open the fly to your sunshine!"

Cecil: "Put 'em on the glass! Uh Uh, Uh Uh!"

Golbez: "Behold the pinnacle of our masculinity!"

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Golbez: "Greetings, we are the Mooninites, I am Ignignot and this is Err. Some would say that the Earth is our Moon, but that would belittle the name of our Moon, which is The Moon."

Cecil: "We're the Moon, not you!"

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Golbez: "We have come to pilfer and plunder and remove from you all your Earthly possessions.."

Cecil: "That's right.. Like THIS!" *holds up ash tray dramatically*

Golbez: "Indeed, that is now ours.. What is that, Err?"

Cecil: "This is an ash tray! I like to smoke!"

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*dramatic organ music and lightning effects* =Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore=

Kefka: "Gentlemen.. Who stole my Hairarium!?"

Kuja: "Your what?"

Kefka: "MY HAIR HELMET!!"

Kuja: "Ohh, well uhh, that's right there.. On your head.."

Kefka: "Oh.. BULLS*!!"

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*dramatic organ music and lightning effects* =Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore=

Kuja: *frozen*

Kefka: "And that's how the wig works.. Well you know, I mean of course you know!" *turns around to see Chaos whispering in his ear* "STOP TELLING ME TO DO THINGS!!"

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*dramatic organ music and lightning effects* =Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore=

Kefka: "Gentlemen.. There's a chance this will work!" *slowly bloating*

Kuja: "Actually, you said there's NO chance this will work.."

Kefka: *turns around to see himself being injected with barbecue sauce* "FOOLS, that will NEVER work!"

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*dramatic organ music and lightning effects* =Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore=

Kefka: "Gentlemen, BEHOLD! My beautiful FIANCE!" *Armagohma from LoZ Twilight Princess*

Kuja: "Actually, I think that's more like a giant spider.."

Kefka: *grabbed and dragged behind the closing bay door* "You're right, I've been betrayed! RUN!!"  

[RevvRaptor]

Seriously folks, this is too much fun to let go to waste.. "Alright you maggots, you need some inspiration.. So the one who does the best pose.. Gets a Candy!"

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Boz: *translated from Japanese* "This isn't possible! You aren't Human!"

Tifa: "Farukon PAWNCH!!"

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*somber slow salsa horn* =Spacecataz=

Exdeath: *holding phone* "Dude, shh, shut up.."

Golbez; *answers phone* "Hello?"

Exdeath: *poorly-altered scratchy voice* "Hello? Is this the residence of Mike, last name Hunt?"

Emperor: *snickers*

Golbez: "No, it is not."

Exdeath: *laughing* "Get it? Michael Hunt?"

Golbez: "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number." *click!*

Exdeath: "Vas ist da..? He hung up again!"

Emperor: "Let's just forget it man, let's just cut our losses and get out of here.."

Exdeath: "Nein, ze time for maturity is over!" *dials phone* "Yes, let me order 1 mill.. NO, 50 million large pizzas!"

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Sephiroth: "Your momma's so fat, you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side!"

Cloud: "Yeah, well your momma's so fat that when she went to the beauty shop, it took 'em 3 hours for an ESTIMATE!"

Sephiroth: "....One time that happened.."

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Squall: *while using Lionheart against Ultima Weapon* "Would you look at you? I mean look at you! I am OWNING you! You just got freaking dominated knucklehead, alright let's do this! You like that one chucklenuts? You.. Are.. TERRIBLE! WHOO!" *Team Fortress 2 outro*

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Sephiroth: "Pop quiz, how long's it take to beat a moron to death? BAH, time's up, you're dead!"

Cloud: "Look at me! Look at me! I am hero! I have new weapon!" *AC Omnislash*

Sephiroth: "Aww GEEZ! I do NOT believe this.. Okay this does not look good here.."

Cloud: "All will fear my giant new gun! What was that sandwich? Kill them ALL? Good idea!"

Tifa: "Holy dooley! Now that's downright EMBARRASIN'!"

Aeris: "You have failed me, with your friendships! Kill him! Slaughter him like a DOG!"

Cait Sith: "Now iz ze time, herr Doctor.."

Red XIII and Cait Sith: "OKTOBERFEST!"

*Team Fortress 2 outro*

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Sephiroth: *changing from Kadaj* "It is good day to be giant man!"

Cloud: "Hey, look, you just shape-shifted into a dead guy!"

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Sephiroth: "Oh what, are you the president of his fanclub or somethin'?"

Kefka: "No! That would be your MOTHER!" *throws down file with pics of Jenova*

Sephiroth: eek

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Barrett: "I am Heavy Weapons Guy.. And this is my gun.. It costs $400,000 to fire this gun continuously for 12 seconds.."

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Comm Voice; "President Shinra sir, the cannon is recharged and ready to fire.."

Rufus: "....Fire."

Mako Cannon: "BLAAAAARRGH!!" *Shoop da Whoop!*

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Cloud: "I pity you.. You just don't get it at all!"

Sephiroth: "Hmm?"

Cloud: "I'mma Firin' Mah Laz0r! BLAAARRGH!"

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Cloud: "But.. I let you die.."

Aeris: "BLAAAARRGH!!"

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Rufus: "How much longer?"

Voice Comm: "It should be a few more minutes, sir.."

Rufus: "Charge faster da* you!"

Doc Oc: *appears* "DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS BLAAAARRGH!"

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Odin: "Who dares disturb my slumber?"

Squall: "Who dares question the daring of.. His.. Dare, jerk?"

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Terra: *during first transformation* "Moon Prism POWER!"

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Terra: *during first transformation* "By the power of Greyskull.. I have the POWER!!"

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Ticket Reader: "Oh, sorry kid, this ticket is fake.."

Vivi: "....." *chime* "WHAT THE FU-" *BOOOOOM!!*  

[RevvRaptor]

All this time and still no one else wants to try their hand at some FF comedy? "You make me sad.. Very well then, come Patsy!" *hops along with sidekick banging coconut-halves together*

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Rude: "Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm Howard Moon, and this is my apprentice Vince Noire."

Reno: "Apprentice? Forget that, you're MY apprentice!"

Rude: "Now don't go getting up on yourself."

Reno: "Or what?"

Rude: "Or I'll come at you fast like a northern bullet. I'll put a move on you, you won't know what's happening."

Reno: "What moves? You haven't got any moves, I've seen all your moves.. How flimsy they are, they're like being caressed by natural yogurt!"

Rude: "I've got powerful new moves, thanks."

Reno: "What, did you send off for some new ones?"

Rude: "Yes I did, and they arrived this morning."

Reno: "First Post?"

Rude: "First Post, yeah. The Post that hurts the most!"

Reno: "Well let's see them then!"

Rude: "Oh you will, I'll take you out to dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Pain, serve you up some violent quiche!"

Reno: "Come on then!"

Rude: *waves hand around*

Reno: "What's that? First Post, that's nothing!"

Rude: "It only feels like nothing, but that's the Vibrating Palm. You feel fine now, but in two hours you'll go to a store, you'll see a hat you like, you'll try it on, but it won't suit you. Ooh, chika-chikka!"

Reno: "No way. Look at me, my hair's practically a hat, all hats suit me!"

Rude: "Well you'll see."

Reno: "Indeed I will."

Rude: "Enjoy the show."

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Terra: *during first transformaton* "It's Morphin' Time! Dragon Zord!"

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Terra: *during first transformation* "Let's get ready to form Voltron!" *.......* "Form feet and legs! Form arms and body! And I'll form the head!"

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Sephiroth: *knocks Cloud into the building* "Hey MegaMan, you're a little low on air!"

Cloud: "And you're full of s*!"

Sephiroth: *BAH-NAAAAH!!*

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Yuna: "What happen?"

Brother: "Someone set up us the bomb. We get signal."

Yuna: "What!"

Brother: "Main screen turn on."

Yuna: "It's you!!"

Leblanc: "How are you gentlemen. All your Base are belong to us. You are on your way to destruction."

Yuna: "What you say!"

Leblanc: "You have no chance to survive, make your time. Ha ha ha."

Brother: "Captain!"

Yuna: ".....Take off every Zig. Move Zig. You know what you doing. For great justice."

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Zidane: "Gee, it sure is boring around here!"

Cid: "Link mah boi, this peace is what all true warriors strive for!"

Zidane: "I just wonder what Ganon's up to!"

Vivi: *appears* "Your Majesty! Ganon and his minions have seized the island of Corridie!"

Cid: "Hmm.. How can we help?"

Vivi: "It is written, only Link can defeat Ganon."

Zidane: "Great! I'll grab my stuff!"

Vivi: "There is no time! Your sword is enough!"

Zidane: "How about a kiss, for luck?"

Garnet: "You've GOT to be kidding!"

Vivi: "Squaddala, we're off!"

Zidane: "Wow, what are all those heads?"

Vivi: "These are the faces of EVIL! You must conquer each!"

Zidane: "I guess I'd better get going.."  

[RevvRaptor]

Well, with our Captain returning now, I can get back to writing many silly things that spoof popular video game franchises and their characters with idiotic jokes.. But first, I think I'll make another FF spoof XD "I see what you did there.."

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Yuna: *riding on top of the airship* "Brother, higher!"

Brother: "Rogerrrr!!"

Yuna: "Brother.." *Peppy voice* "DO A BARREL ROLL!"

Brother: "ROGERRR!"

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Irvine: *during the attack against Lunatic Pandora* "DO A BARREL ROLL!" *after the Ragnarok squeezes through the shield* "The shield is gone, shoot the core!"

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Squall: *uses Renzokuken on Jumbo Cactuar*

Jumbo Cactuar: *Macarena theme*

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Selphie: *during the concert* "A-one and a-two.." *RickRoll*

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Zidane: *fighting Ozma* "I love my ball.. Would you look at you? I mean look at you! I.. Am.. Owning you! Bonk! I'm a force'a nature! Boink! You like that one chucklenuts? You.. Are.. Terrible!"

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Cloud: *in his drag outfit* "I'm tired of this chickens* bulls*!"

Tifa: "Hey, is that a Mickey Mouse t-shirt?"

Cloud: "The f* are you talking about?"

Tifa: "Well, there's the ears, and there's the face!"

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Elena: *in Wutai* "Man, there's nothing to eat around here.."

Reno: "Some cereal right here!"

Elena: "Oh, well that's Total, I don't really like that.."

Reno: "......Don't talk s* about Total!"

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Terra: *during first transformation* "Haaaaa.." *about 5 or so minutes later* "I'm sorry that took so much longer than the others, I haven't really had a chance to practice this one.. This is what I call a Super Saiyan 3."

Gestahl: O.O

Kefka: "Buu not scared! Big hair makes you big funny!"

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Terra: *Guile's Theme goes with everything: Terra's first transformation*

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Barrett: *in Advent Children* "Yo Cid, *DO A BARREL ROLL!*"

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Sephiroth: "Good to see you... Cloud."

Cloud: "BLAAAARRGH!!"

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Seifer: "I'm invincible!"

Squall: "You're a looney!"

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Ramza: *after using the Cancer Stone on the warp machine* "What's going on?"

Machine: *old Pokemon interlude screen* "Who's that Pokemon? .....It's Cloud!"

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Yuna: *surrounded by Syndicate Goons* "Wait a minute, did you just summon a bunch of Monsters in one turn?"

Leblanc: "Yeah, so?"

Yuna: "But that's against the rules, isn't it?"

Leblanc: "Screw the rules, I've got money!"  

[RevvRaptor]

Here we go again xd Seriously though guys n' gals, feel free to join in 3nodding

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*dramatic lightning effects and ominous organ music* =Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore=

Kuja: *on the phone* "So I need one large Philly Cheese with extra peppers and.. Hey, Dr. Weird.."

Kefka: "My a* has finally decided to consume my hand! It hungers, for MORE!" *pulls himself inside himself into a small ball*

Kuja: "..........Uhh yeah, just the one hoagie then."

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*dramatic lightning effects and ominous organ music* =Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore=

Kefka: "Gentlemen, BEHOLD! Corn!"

Kuja: "Oh, well yay, I am pretty hungry.."

Kefka: "Then FEAST!" *corn shank Kuja* "It BEGINS!"

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*somber trumpet solo* =Spacecataz!=

Exdeath: "Look at them out there, wallowing in their shame.. We know you like to eat your own farts!"

Emperor: "Yeah, well the way they're doing it makes it look like we're the ones that do that.."

Exdeath: "What? NO! That's disgusting! We would never do such a thing!"

Golbez: "Then why did you right it on the side of your ship? Unless you secretly yearn to consume your own farts. What kind of lowly creature would find sustenance in their own farts Err?"

Cecil: "They would!"

Golbez: "That is correct Err!"

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Vaan: "I'm gonna be King of the Pirates!"

Penelo: *facepalm*

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Cloud: "I've got something! Come to papa Moon!"

*flash of light*

Emerald Weapon: "Hi there, I'm Old Gregg, what's yours?"

Cloud: "H-Howard Moon sir.."

Emerald Weapon: "What'cha doin' here in my waters?"

Cloud: "Oh nothing, just taking in the night air.."

Emerald Weapon: "Doin' a little fishing are we?"

Cloud: "Oh no sir.."

Emerald Weapon: "Then how come this hook's in my head fool?"

Cloud: "That's got nothing to do with me sir.."

Emerald Weapon: "It's attached to yo rod mothalicka!"

Cloud: "Please don't kill me.."

Emerald Weapon: "Easy there fuzzy man-peach! You ever drink Bailey's from a shoe?"

Cloud: "What?"

Emerald Weapon: "You wanna go to a club where people wee on each other?"

Cloud: "No.."

Emerald Weapon: "I'm gonna hurt ya.."

Cloud: "Excuse me?"

Emerald Weapon: "I like ya, what do ya think of me?"

Cloud: "Well.. I think you're a nice, modern gentleman.."

Emerald Weapon: "Don't lie t'me boy!"

Cloud: "I'm not lying!"

Emerald Weapon: "I know what you're thinkin', you're thinkin' "Here comes Old Gregg, he's a scaly man-fish"! You don't know me, you don't know what I got!" *one awkward moment later* "I'M OLD GREGG!"