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Another 'what am I' topic

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Nuala dreams

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:46 am
So. My girlfriend is my boyfriend. He/she is transitioning from woman to man. S/he still uses her/his female first name and doesn't correct people when they talk about her/him as a girl/woman.

I used to think I was a lesbian... then I thought I was bisexual... now I don't know what I am.

I've learned the word pansexual. But pansexuals are into every shade of the gender spectrum - isn't that right?

Can I call myself pansexual? I'm into girls... a bit into guys (but mainly anime guys and other fictional characters)... and definately into transmen since I'm in a relationship with one.

But I'm not into transwomen at all. No offence to transwomen. I've met transwomen and we had a good time talking girl talk but I just can't think of any transwoman and myself having sex, ever, in any situation.

I hope you won't think I'm some kind of homophobic or transphobic. I love watching drag queens perform. If I see a guy in a skirt I tell him I like his skirt. It's like how gay people can't imagine themselves with one of the opposite gender. It's just how I am.

So what orientation am I? What should I call myself? Bisexual or pansexual or is there a word for what I am?  
PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:05 am
First off, let me say that the proper ettiquete is to refer to a transperson as the gender they identify as. So if your girlfriend is transitioning over to be a man, then you would refer to that person as "him". This is most often the case, but it of course all depends on what they would actually prefer. If you're not certain, ask.

As far as sexuality goes, a pansexual is just attracted to humans in general. Doesn't matter what they identify as, since they could conceivably have sex with anybody at all.

You seem more just plain bisexual to me. I'm technically bi as well, but I label myself straight because I don't feel attracted enough to women (at this stage in my life) for it to really count. But you've also stated that you only have a slight interest in biological guys. So if you go by my definition of myself, you would be lesbian...

But it's really up to you to decide. What do you feel most comfortable labeling yourself as. Don't get into technicalities.  

Super Sarah IT Girl

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She Promised You Cookies

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 7:30 pm
There's a term people don't use a lot, and it's called polysexual. It's for those that are not quite pansexual, but have many interests outside the gender spectrum. Except maybe one.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polysexuality  
PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:07 pm
Well that's three, right?
I know it isn't technical, but you could always go with trisexual, maybe?  

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Corporal Maladict

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:14 am
Hi, I'm Nuala's girlfriend/boyfriend person. I'm okay with being addressed as either male or female, and I have a female avi on gaia so Nuala is more used to talking about me as a girl on the internet. In real life we speak Finnish, which is rather convenient because in Finnish there is only one third person singular pronoun, 'hän' for both men and women.

The polysexual info was new to me, too, thanks for that.

Nuala will be back here soon to comment herself, right now she is visiting her parents who have no internet.  
PostPosted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 10:00 am
She Promised You Cookies Wrote:
There's a term people don't use a lot, and it's called polysexual. It's for those that are not quite pansexual, but have many interests outside the gender spectrum. Except maybe one.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polysexuality


Thanks for the info. That was very helpful. smilies/icon_3nodding.gif

And I don't see how it's anyone else's business what I call Mal.  

Nuala dreams

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Super Sarah IT Girl

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 4:29 pm
Nuala dreams Wrote:
She Promised You Cookies Wrote:
There's a term people don't use a lot, and it's called polysexual. It's for those that are not quite pansexual, but have many interests outside the gender spectrum. Except maybe one.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polysexuality


Thanks for the info. That was very helpful. smilies/icon_3nodding.gif

And I don't see how it's anyone else's business what I call Mal.


It isn't anybody's business, except for the person you are referring to. I'm just stating that in most cases, it's expected to call the person by the pronoun of their choice. If that person wishes differently, then so be it.  
PostPosted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 11:46 pm
I'm so glad I'm just a lesbian, except then my problem arises that I haven't actually dated a girl, but I have dated three guys; I just wasn't attracted to them in the slightest, so people are like, you can't be gay, and I shut up.  

Eleiza0250

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Corporal Maladict

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 7:51 am
Super Sarah IT Girl Wrote:
Nuala dreams Wrote:
She Promised You Cookies Wrote:
There's a term people don't use a lot, and it's called polysexual. It's for those that are not quite pansexual, but have many interests outside the gender spectrum. Except maybe one.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polysexuality


Thanks for the info. That was very helpful. smilies/icon_3nodding.gif

And I don't see how it's anyone else's business what I call Mal.


It isn't anybody's business, except for the person you are referring to. I'm just stating that in most cases, it's expected to call the person by the pronoun of their choice. If that person wishes differently, then so be it.


As she said, I still go by my female name. I haven't found a male name that would fit me, and I feel I am part female until after surgery. I identify as male, but I am aware that my body and mind are a different shape at the moment. I am not offended to be referred to by what I appear to be.  
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