How Do We Deal With This?

[Xxartistic_illusionXx]

So, the other day, I was at the Taquiera across from my college with two of my friends (I'll call them Britney and Sarah). We were having a conversation about possesive boyfriends, bad relationships, and what not.

The whole posessive boyfriend thing came on when Britney was telling Sarah and me about her troublesome relationship. To make a long story short, she told the both of us that he tried to take her birth control pills because he wanted her to get pregnant. If you guys are interested, she's only 20, and he's 21. She's said that she's not ready, even though he says he is. But, he doesn't have a job or any way to support himself.

Anyway, Britney went on to say that if she ever got pregnant, she would most likely have an abortion. I told her I'd most likely do the exact same thing, considering the fact that I am in no way ready to have a kid.

Apparently, that struck a cord in Sarah, because she started lecturing us about taking a life, how it's not the baby's fault and how it's better to give the baby a chance at life.

At that, Britney and I just shut up. I think it was because the subject was getting a bit too touchy for us. I also think it was because none of us we're in the mood to argue.


So, question: have you guys gotten into conversations about abortion, with someone who you didn't know was pro life until the last minute? If so, how do you deal with it? In other words, how do you present your argument?  

[Xxartistic_illusionXx]

marshmallowcreampie

Last year, abortion came up once or twice at my lunch table. Living in Texas, a highly conservative state, I was the only one at my lunch table who was pro-choice. I didn't want to argue, plus I had no one to help back me up (that feels lonely) so I didn't say much, other than at one point questioning why abortion from rape was okay but abortion from consented sex was so wrong.

That's a very good question. I should ask pro lifers that.  

[pidgezero_one]

IRL, when I approach the topic, I'm usually really laid back about it, but so are the people I talk to. However, abortion rarely ever comes up as a discussion between myself and people I know in real life. I can think of maybe 5 instances tops where it happened in the past 4 years.

The first instance happened about 4 years back where I had a bunch of friends over and we were just randomly talking, I don't remember who was pro- or anti-, but there were no heated arguments or anything (no arguments at all, really). My brother was young back then and didn't know what pro-choice meant, so when I told him that it meant you believe that women should be able to decide whether to get an abortion or not, his response indicated that he thought that was just common sense.

The second instance was when my mom was telling me that someone close to her had become pregnant and had scheduled an abortion, but was very upset and did not seem ready to go through with it. My mom talked about it with her and suggested to postpone it (in Canada there is no cutoff date) because she didn't seem ready, so she did that and ended up having the baby anyway. I was always under the impression that my mom was anti-abortion, but how she described the situation to me made me believe that she is first and foremost concerned with the well-being of the mother. It's not a topic that we've ever really gone in-depth on.

The third instance happened a few weeks ago, when my brother and I were on holidays visiting our cousins. He and one of my cousins were watching 16 and Pregnant, and my brother said something along the lines of wondering why more people don't get abortions. My cousin said she'd never be able to go through with an abortion, and my brother was very vocal about how he doesn't believe the fetus to be a living being and can't see why people would have a problem with getting an abortion. I was butting in saying that it's just not an option everyone wants to use and nobody should be pressured any which way, but there wasn't much discussion beyond that as it was just TV chatter and not a heated debate or anything.

I also have a friend who attends annual pro-life rallies in Ottawa, but abortion is just a topic we know we disagree on and don't really talk about. We've had discussions about it before, but they were pretty light-hearted and there were no hard feelings (she really is an awesome friend, I don't think we could ever be mad at each other over anything xd )

Kind of makes me wonder how I ended up debating abortion as much (and as fervently) as I have, it's not really a topic that's relevant to me offline, and when it does occur it's not intense at all.  

[Xxartistic_illusionXx]

It's weird though. I want to get my point across, but at the same time, I don't want to offend anyone. Plus, some people I have talked to just throw out stuff that's really out there, like, "What about a mom and a two year old baby? Should she kill them?" I jsut don't know how to respond to that. It's like a ,"Did you seriously just say that?" moment for me.  

[Sypherengel]

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A few good friends of mine are actually "Pro-Life". I quote this because of the actions I've witnessed them take in the past few months. One of my friends is very right winged, and has always argued the Pro-Life side of the argument whenever it has come up. However, I noticed his tune changed very quickly when he got his girlfriend pregnant a few months ago and fully supported (if not, encouraged) her decision to have an abortion. While I of course encouraged this as well, I've learned to choose my battles when it comes to this topic, because a lot of people would like to believe they stand behind an ideal which they obviously don't.

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[Xxartistic_illusionXx]

marshmallowcreampie

Xxartistic_illusionXx

It's weird though. I want to get my point across, but at the same time, I don't want to offend anyone. Plus, some people I have talked to just throw out stuff that's really out there, like, "What about a mom and a two year old baby? Should she kill them?" I jsut don't know how to respond to that. It's like a ,"Did you seriously just say that?" moment for me.

With a mother and a fetus, she HAS to keep the fetus inside her for it to live. Unlike with an already born child, she can't hand it to someone else to take care of it. That's the difference. With a fetus, the woman has no choice but to carry it, unless she aborts. If the kid is already born, and she doesn't have the means to take care of it, she can give the kid to a foster care system or something, or, an option that's usually better, send them to live with a relative. So far, we aren't able to remove a fetus from a woman and place it inside another woman or an artificial uterus. If we ever make that we can probably end that stupid abortion debate... Granted, we'll probably suffer from some serious overpopulation at some point, but whatever.

You can say that again. But for some reason, even though there are steps everyone can take to lower the abortion rate in the U.S., the debate itself will never truly go away. At least that's what I think. Nothing is 100% avoidable.  

[Xxartistic_illusionXx]

Sypherengel

- - - - - - >

A few good friends of mine are actually "Pro-Life". I quote this because of the actions I've witnessed them take in the past few months. One of my friends is very right winged, and has always argued the Pro-Life side of the argument whenever it has come up. However, I noticed his tune changed very quickly when he got his girlfriend pregnant a few months ago and fully supported (if not, encouraged) her decision to have an abortion. While I of course encouraged this as well, I've learned to choose my battles when it comes to this topic, because a lot of people would like to believe they stand behind an ideal which they obviously don't.

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It's interesting how the mind and views of a person can change when they are faced with such a decison. It's like, sure, you maybe against abortion, but what if you were ever in that situation where it had to be considered? People say that they'll do this and this, but when it actually happens, it's so different.  

[PhaedraMcSpiffy]

Stealing someone else's prescription medication is illegal. Stealing your girlfriend's birth control pills to get her pregnant is abuse. If forcing someone to endure an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth against their will is a violation of their rights, then obviously so is tricking them into getting them pregnant against their will.

Why didn't you tell her that her boyfriend's actions were abusive and dangerous?

Alternet | 'He Thought a Baby Would Keep Me in His Life Forever': When Partner Abuse Isn't a Bruise But a Pregnant Belly  

[Xxartistic_illusionXx]

PhaedraMcSpiffy

Stealing someone else's prescription medication is illegal. Stealing your girlfriend's birth control pills to get her pregnant is abuse. If forcing someone to endure an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth against their will is a violation of their rights, then obviously so is tricking them into getting them pregnant against their will.

Why didn't you tell her that her boyfriend's actions were abusive and dangerous?

Alternet | 'He Thought a Baby Would Keep Me in His Life Forever': When Partner Abuse Isn't a Bruise But a Pregnant Belly

That happened to my friend once. Her boyfriend tried stealing her birth control pills, so she would get pregnant. He wanted to be a father.

That he wanted to be a father: great, whatever. Dandy.
The actions he took to get what he wanted: you have no idea how much I wanted to kick him in the balls.  

[Peppermint Schnapps]

I used to get pretty riled up about the whole abortion debate but nowadays I tend to keep to myself if a friend says they're pro-life. Unless they start spouting off a bunch of nonsensical bullshit that just isn't true I won't usually butt in. Just about all of my friends are pro-choice anyway, so I don't come across this situation often. Come to think of it, all the abortion related conversations I've had recently have consisted of "oh yeah, I'm pro-choice, too".  

[Xxartistic_illusionXx]

Peppermint Schnapps

I used to get pretty riled up about the whole abortion debate but nowadays I tend to keep to myself if a friend says they're pro-life. Unless they start spouting off a bunch of nonsensical bullshit that just isn't true I won't usually butt in. Just about all of my friends are pro-choice anyway, so I don't come across this situation often. Come to think of it, all the abortion related conversations I've had recently have consisted of "oh yeah, I'm pro-choice, too".

Yeah, normally, if I can tell someone is pro-life, I won't start in on the whole pro-choice thing.