Having Sex For the First Time Sticky

[Nikolita]

Ok so some of the more major issues...

Birth Control
Use proper birth control, ie something besides just a condom. If you can't afford proper birth control or don't have access to it, you might want to rethink having sex. The Pill works well, or there's the patch, etc. As long as you're having sex you run the risk of becoming pregnant, but doubling up on your birth control will help reduce that chance. It's possible to become pregnant while being on the Pill and still using a condom, but doubling or tripling up your birth control will help ease that risk.
If you're insistent on having sex, then definitely use a condom, because it's better than unprotected sex. Condoms can and will break, but again, it's better than nothing at all.

Sex Information
Who: See a school nurse or a counsellor. For those in college/post secondary education, check with a campus nurse or a health office, etc. Ask an adult, a teacher, a parent, someone who would know. Doctors are a good source of information too.

Where: Health office, school counsellors, books, the internet, parents/trusted adults. Doctor's office too of course.

Pain and Bleeding
Many people talk about experiencing a lot of pain, and sometimes some bleeding the first time they have sex.
Pain: The more nervous and anxious you are, the more your body (v****a) will tense up, and the harder it will be for him to penetrate you, even with his fingers. So you can try foreplay and oral sex beforehand if you want, to get you aroused and lubricated. Lubrication would work if you're a bit tight, so you can use saliva, your body's own natural lubrication, or stuff bought from the store. KY Liquid and Astroglide apparently work well.
Note: If you use a store-bought lubrication, make sure it's water-based. Oil-based lubricants will break down the chemical structure of a condom, causing it to break and tear, which will render it useless against STD's and preventing pregnancy.

Bleeding: You might bleed during your first time, depending on whether or not your hymen has already been broken. Apparently you can break it from things like horseback riding and gymnastics, and of course from using tampons, so if you've already torn it, then you might bleed less, or not at all.

STD Testing
If you're with someone who's had a sexual partner before, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend, you might want to consider asking them to get tested for STD's. Sometimes they might have an STD without knowing it, or some type of bacteria, and you don't want to pick it up from someone else. Or if a mother has an STD, like chlymadia for instance, they can pass it on to their babies at birth. So sometimes it's just a good idea to bite the bullet and go get tested.

Have "The Talk" With Your Partner Before Having Sex
Many people don't do this, because they think that talking about this subject is "too intimate". Yet when you come to think about it, sex is one of the most intimate acts you could do with a partner, so why skip over it because you're embarrassed? If you're too embarrassed to talk to your partner about it, then you're not ready for sex.
Anyways, my point here is if you're going to have sex, you need to talk to your partner beforehand about what you two will do if you end up pregnant. Discuss abortion, adoption, keeping the child in such a situation, and why you are for your choice. Discuss the pros and cons of each option, and make sure you are open to each other. It hopefully won't happen to those who aren't ready for a pregnancy, but it's always good to be prepared just in case it does happen.

Communication Between Partners
This is a must. Keep an open mind and talk to each other. If you want to try something, bring it up with the other person. Have a favourite position? Suggest it to your partner. If something hurts or if you're not getting pleasure from something, tell your partner so you don't give them the wrong impression. Discuss things that bother you, or that you really enjoy. Give compliments to your partner, especially when they do something you like, so they can do it again to you in the future. Just basically talk to each other, and don't hide things.

Make It Special
For many people losing their virginity is a special thing. So why not make the occasion special? Be as romantic or as sentimental as you want. Pick a place where you'll be as undisturbed as possible. Have any supplies you might need with you. Use candles, dim the lights, play music, etc. Wear lingerie or special clothing. The list goes on, just make sure you enjoy it as much as you can! blaugh

Also note: Because it's your first time, even if you do your best to make it romantic and special, chances are you won't come, or it might be too painful, or a little uncomfortable, etc.
Nopenname had this to say about first time sex:
"I'd also like to say don't be surprised if it is short, uncomfortable, unpleasant and sorta anticlimactic (no pun intended). EVEN if you try to make it romantic and talk and hold eachother etc. It can still just be a fizzle the first time. Especially if it is the first time for both of you."  

[Nikolita]

Divash

Someone asked, "What's the biggest misconception that teenagers have about sex?" I have an answer. Mine is short and not funny; I'm looking for the link to a longer but infinitely more hilarious blog that a friend-of-a-friend wrote a long time back.

My short answer: There are teenagers who think that oral sex isn't "real" sex. Why? I don't know. Because it's not heterosexual intercourse, I suppose. Well, here's some news, folks. If you are putting someone else's PEEPEE into your MOUTH, or getting their ORGASMIC FLUIDS anywhere on your own SKIN, especially your face, chest, or anywhere typically covered by swimsuit bottoms, YOU JUST HAD SEX.

You may or may not get pregnant by it, depending on what you do with those fluids. But you can damn sure get a sexually transmitted disease. You can damn sure get a reputation of being experienced and/or easy. You can damn sure get grounded or sent to military school if your parents find out. You or your partner can damn sure go to jail for it, if one of you is over the age of consent and one is not. You can damn sure lose your boyfriend or girlfriend, if you do that with someone besides them.

Think about it. If it's not something you want your parents, grandparents, teachers, or those mean girls who diss you in the cafeteria to know about, IT IS PROBABLY SEX. If you wouldn't mind doing it with someone you love, but would hate to do with a close relative or with someone you can't stand, IT COULD BE SEX.

If it ends in the word "sex" (like Oral Sex, Manual Sex) or "job" (Handjob, b*****b), IT IS SEX.

And by the way, if you're giving someone oral or manual gratification and they're not doing it back for you, or think that doing it for you would make them less cool, or will tell everyone that you did it but won't tell anyone that they did it for you... they're basically saying that you are not their loving partner, but that you are their THING, their chattel (look it up), their cleanup-tissue, and nothing more. How skanky are THEY!

You aren't stupid, or at least I deeply hope you're not. So don't act like you are, because you are better than that.

~

Divash

I FOUND IT. I found the text of the MUCH better article written by Sarah "Sars" Bunting, creator of Tomato Nation. This is the article I referenced above.

http://www.tomatonation.com/downboy.shtml

And yes, I'm also about to cross-post this to the Sex forum as well. Sue me. I'll gladly take my warning, or even a Guild-banning, if it means I can get this information out there to the people who need it.

 

[Divash]

I FOUND IT. I found the text of the MUCH better article written by Sarah "Sars" Bunting, creator of Tomato Nation. This is the article I referenced above.

http://www.tomatonation.com/downboy.shtml

And yes, I'm also about to cross-post this to the Sex forum as well. Sue me. I'll gladly take my warning, or even a Guild-banning, if it means I can get this information out there to the people who need it.  

[Nikolita]

Divash

I FOUND IT. I found the text of the MUCH better article written by Sarah "Sars" Bunting, creator of Tomato Nation. This is the article I referenced above.

http://www.tomatonation.com/downboy.shtml

And yes, I'm also about to cross-post this to the Sex forum as well. Sue me. I'll gladly take my warning, or even a Guild-banning, if it means I can get this information out there to the people who need it.

You're not being warned or banned. I tried to PM you to tell you that, but I'm not on your friendslist. The post is fine, and thanks for the link to the article!! *agrees with it 100%*  

[frosty_glitch]

i read it was rare to bleed your first time.. that is if your partner is gentle and your arroused. i'm scared now lol  

[Chalda]

Some girls do and some girls don't. Mostly it seems to depend on if your hymen has already been broken or not. If you have done a lot of manual play and stretched things out then you should be alright. Just be sure to get some lubricant and take your time.  

[ellogirl]

I though it would be scary but it's not i mean the bigger one you'll have to adjust to  

[tek88]

ok, yea, im afraid now. i dont want my girlfreind to bleed! gonk  

[hippylu]

oh somthing else to add:
The amount of bleeding the first time you have sex all depends on this flap of skin on your v****a
(sorry people they're just words stop shuddering!)
called a hymen, and some girls are bigger/firmer and some are smaller
when they break that usually is how in the olden days you're virginity was lost. But now most people say different, hymens can be broken riding a bike or doing other things too so don't be scared if you don't bleed or anything, but if you have a thick one you will probably bleed and it might hurt more.

umm ok sorry I guess that's already up there, well some of it I just kinda read it scrolling down
anyways theres more depth for ya heart  

[MyXanaduX]

Is there a way so they dont bleed  

[Ryu Ktu]

People it is ok for her to bleed. It normally won't cause any infections or complications, there is always that risk due to an opening in the skin.  

[LorienLlewellyn]

jgk102490

People it is ok for her to bleed. It normally won't cause any infections or complications, there is always that risk due to an opening in the skin.

Yes, it is ok for girls to bleed in that it normally won't cause any major problems. However, bleeding can often be avoided, and when it can be avoided, it should.

MyXanaduX

Is there a way so they dont bleed

Bleeding is often caused by the sensitive skin in the v****a ripping open due to friction and not enough lubrication. So that means the problem isn't just bleeding, it could also be pain, discomfort, and infection. Your best bet is to use plenty of water-based lubricant.

However, as others already mentioned, bleeding can also be a result the hymen tearing. In that case, there isn't much you can to prevent it other than tear the hymen before having sex, but most girls do that without even realizing it anyway!

So as long as you're using plenty of lubrication, bleeding isn't usually anything to panic about. Your partner should still mention it to her ob-gyn if she experiences bleeding during sex though since it can sometimes be a sign of larger problems in rare cases.  

[blackholdblackbird]

everyone should relax
seriously a broken hymen is the least of anyone's worries if they are to worry about having sex
a majority of the time a woman's hymen is broken even before they have sex, usually due to physical activities or natural occurrences
and the amount of blood that does get projected is very minimal, nothing compared to menstruation
so there is a chance they won't even bleed