Trying to be a Christian... and failing.

[Kerubiel]

I'm having a bit of an issue. No, it is not like the many other topics posted here about how someone is losing their faith. I actually never had any to begin with, and would like to say that an event not appropriate enough to discuss here has brought me to the realization that I believe God exists.

I've tried praying and a slew of other things. However, the problem is this: I have no faith. And when I say "no", I actually mean absolutely none. I don't have the willpower to change my ways or a span of attention long enough to maintain a single prayer all the way through. I can't even go to church because I get so uncomfortable; there's an unshakable notion in the back of my head that I don't belong there. I've tried asking God in prayer to change these flaws in me. However, as I mentioned earlier, I lose attention and my thoughts drift elsewhere midway through. I think I've only said "amen" once, and I've been trying this for weeks.

It's a bit cumbersome for me because I can't shake the impression that I'm going to invariably disappoint God. I feel inclined to give up and accept damnation because I don't have the willpower to shed my sinful ways. But there are a number of Bible verses that say God wants everyone to come to Him, so I'm assuming he doesn't like it when people give up. Yet I feel like trying to have faith when I really can't devote myself to Him at all would disappoint Him just as much, if not more. It seems like a situation where, no matter what, I lose.

What seems like the best thing to do?  

[lordstar]

Melingelus

I'm having a bit of an issue. No, it is not like the many other topics posted here about how someone is losing their faith. I actually never had any to begin with, and would like to say that an event not appropriate enough to discuss here has brought me to the realization that I believe God exists.

I've tried praying and a slew of other things. However, the problem is this: I have no faith. And when I say "no", I actually mean absolutely none. I don't have the willpower to change my ways or a span of attention long enough to maintain a single prayer all the way through. I can't even go to church because I get so uncomfortable; there's an unshakable notion in the back of my head that I don't belong there. I've tried asking God in prayer to change these flaws in me. However, as I mentioned earlier, I lose attention and my thoughts drift elsewhere midway through. I think I've only said "amen" once, and I've been trying this for weeks.

It's a bit cumbersome for me because I can't shake the impression that I'm going to invariably disappoint God. I feel inclined to give up and accept damnation because I don't have the willpower to shed my sinful ways. But there are a number of Bible verses that say God wants everyone to come to Him, so I'm assuming he doesn't like it when people give up. Yet I feel like trying to have faith when I really can't devote myself to Him at all would disappoint Him just as much, if not more. It seems like a situation where, no matter what, I lose.

What seems like the best thing to do?

Do you really think God would just toss you asside like that
if God really loves you God will find a way
thus there is no need to accept damnation  

[iMystere]

God never gives up on anyone, so don't give up on God. We hurt God over and over by sinning, but he still loves us.

I did have the same problem, too. I'm not really quite sure what made me accept everything in the end, and become so faithful (And that's not to say that I DON'T screw up).

One night when I was alone I accepted God, but then I just felt it wasn't me, so I gave it up. Then, my boyfriend took me to a concert, and God living in me never felt so powerful. Music can do an amazing thing to you.

But I went in and out after that. Eventually, something happened. I think sometimes you just need to be patient with God to do things at the right time, because He is always patient with you. What I mean by patient is accept that things won't happen over night. Just calm yourself out, and wait patiently. Things will happen better that way.

I actually re-strengthened myself in God last night. I felt as though I wasn't a very strong Christian.  

[Mistifear]

I think I found the one
New life in my lungs
I'm guessing this is love
Pumping through my veins
Killing all my pain
You're the remedy to my heartbreak
Wouldn't have it any other way
Hope this never dies...

The most disappointing thing you can do to God is by rejecting the salvation that comes through Christ. If you accept Christ, all the pressure about worrying whether or not you'll disappoint God will slowly melt away because there isn't any pressure to be perfect. Christ was perfect, died, and then was resurrected for all of our sins, past, present and future.

I don't want to worry you, but it sounds to me that the devil doesn't want you to come to Christ and is trying his hardest to pull you away by making you doubt yourself and by taking your attention away from prayers and such.

If it takes you twenty times a day to actually finish one prayer and say amen, then do it. At least you were able to get through one prayer, and maybe it will become easier and easier for you overtime. I find my mind jumps around a lot when I pray as well.

As for church, everyone belongs there, no matter who they are, what they've done, etc. It's important to be able to learn about the God that you're seeking a relationship with. If it's easier, though, there are plenty of churches that podcast sermons and things, which would take care of the learning part, but I think it's important for you to try to establish a good group, like a second family, for support and such.

If you need to talk, or anything feel free to PM me. I'm more than happy to talk with you, or just listen to your concerns.

I feel a little strange
You go straight to my brain
Drivin' me oh so crazy
Between the sound and lights
You got me hypnotized
And if there never comes a sunrise
Well, that'd be just fine
This will never die...

 

[divineseraph]

Melingelus

I'm having a bit of an issue. No, it is not like the many other topics posted here about how someone is losing their faith. I actually never had any to begin with, and would like to say that an event not appropriate enough to discuss here has brought me to the realization that I believe God exists.

I've tried praying and a slew of other things. However, the problem is this: I have no faith. And when I say "no", I actually mean absolutely none. I don't have the willpower to change my ways or a span of attention long enough to maintain a single prayer all the way through. I can't even go to church because I get so uncomfortable; there's an unshakable notion in the back of my head that I don't belong there. I've tried asking God in prayer to change these flaws in me. However, as I mentioned earlier, I lose attention and my thoughts drift elsewhere midway through. I think I've only said "amen" once, and I've been trying this for weeks.

It's a bit cumbersome for me because I can't shake the impression that I'm going to invariably disappoint God. I feel inclined to give up and accept damnation because I don't have the willpower to shed my sinful ways. But there are a number of Bible verses that say God wants everyone to come to Him, so I'm assuming he doesn't like it when people give up. Yet I feel like trying to have faith when I really can't devote myself to Him at all would disappoint Him just as much, if not more. It seems like a situation where, no matter what, I lose.

What seems like the best thing to do?

You will not find God in a church. Rather, you won't find him in a church and only a church.

Look to science and probability. The universe is vast, and incredibly improbable. It is said by even Hawking that the big bang required so much chance to produce energy that could turn into matter that it smacks of creationism. It is something like one in several millionths of a degree slower or faster, and the universe would have just collapsed back on itself and been a singularity forever.

And then, from the impossibility of matter even existing to it being able to combine into molecules, and from that to self-replicating matter known as life, and from THAT to develop consciousness. Impossibility next to impossibility next to impossibility.

So don't just pray to some old man with a beard sitting on a cloud. Simply know that all of existence is one step from impossible, and a miracle was all but necessary in it's making.  

[SloanSage]

It is important for you to have a body of believers to help you grow and to keep you accountable. but maybe you just went to the wrong church for you at this time in your life.

The worst thing you could do is think that God will be disappointed with you.

He will NEVER be disappointed by one of His children trying to do what is right and what is for Him.

Also, faith is not a feeling.

Faith is defined thusly: n - complete trust or confidence in someone or something

Do you trust that God is the LORD of all Creation, that Jesus is the Christ, Messiah, and Divine Intervention for the punishment of Sin, that the Holy Spirit lives in you?

If you trust that, you have faith.

Take comfort, for He is with you ALWAYS no matter what you do. As long as you put your trust (or faith) in HIM, you can never go wrong.

Granted, there will be times when you feel weak in your faith (the second definition is "a system of religious belief"), but we are all here to lift you up and pray for you in your times of trial. Trust that God will always be there (cause He always IS).

God loves you, He created you, and He knows all about you. You have made the sacrifice to live for Him, and he died for you in advance.

Just continue praying.

Prayers do not have to be long. Sometimes I just say. Thank You, Jesus. Amen. Short, simple, and sincere. Long winded and scripted prayers are not always sincere (sometimes they are...) and those with short attention span need not worry about length. God just enjoys you taking time to talk to Him.

Think of this, God and Adam walked together and talked together. But after the Fall, we could no longer talk to God like that. So, prayer is the one way for us to get back to the time when man was blameless and shameless and new and fresh and totally, utterly, magnificently pure.

God loves you, and just wants YOU.  

[Mountain Rose]

Just keep at it! Reading the Bible every day (something even the most devout Christians have a hard time doing, by the way) is key. Try to set aside a certain time every day to read your Bible and pray. If you do it in the morning, it will set the tone for your whole day.

And I get distracted in the middle of prayer too! Actually, it's worse during worship at church; I'm singing the words and wondering where the girl in front of me got her skirt or if the bass player in the worship band is married or has a girlfriend. xd