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Stop Comparing: Easier said than done

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TheEdgeOfTheAbyss

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 8:11 pm
Backstory:
I have always had a somewhat fragile self esteem. In middle/high school it was basically rock bottom. I had eating disordered thinking, I hated myself, Hid behind baggy clothing and bangs, totally convinced I was completely unattractive. It's come up from there since then, but it's still a little rocky. I usually feel pretty good about myself, have a healthier relationship with food, and have even started experimenting a little bit with fashion.

I've posted in the relationships subforum twice about the issues I had with my boyfriend. Long story short he had an emotional affair with a girl who goes to his church. It's long since ended, and we've repaired our relationship from the damage it caused, and it's just pulled us together stronger. I've started going to his church with him, and obviously she is there.

The Issue:

And I can't seem to help but still compare myself to her. I'm cute and attractive, but I'm not the type of girl that gets compliments, or hit on all the time, and she is. Everything about her looks pretty. She looks like a fashion model practically. Where as for me, I tend to be a little tomboyish, a little grungy, just not perfect pretty. And some days after seeing her it kinda tears at my self esteem a little.

I guess whats some advice for not comparing yourself to other people besides "Well just don't do it!"  
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:42 pm
It is tough, I am 21, overweight, completely socially awkward, Pansexual with a slight preference to people of my own gender, a virgin, never had a date or even my first kiss.

Comparing myself to others is something that happens, A ton, but you have to look at things you have going for you. I myself am a man of writing, learning how to draw and I am often told I am the most sensitive, listening and caring person that many of my friends know.

You have a boyfriend who you have been through a lot with, he clearly likes you a lot. Being a tomboy means nothing other than that is what you happen to be, he must love that side to you or else you would have found out in a bad way by now. You say you're dabbling in fashion, feeling better about yourself and that is fantastic, that is the answer in my eyes. Depression happens, we have friends to help us or useful forums like this to help us, and while you may get varying replies to this thread, here is mine.

You will compare yourself to others, it will happen, some people just can't pass that, but when you do, compare the great stuff,

YOU'RE getting healthier, have a long time boyfriend, liking yourself more and many other things I am sure.

They may be more traditionally attractive than you, but hey, that means nothing if you're happy.  

Sauvie

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TheEdgeOfTheAbyss

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:09 pm
Sauvie Wrote:
It is tough, I am 21, overweight, completely socially awkward, Pansexual with a slight preference to people of my own gender, a virgin, never had a date or even my first kiss.

Comparing myself to others is something that happens, A ton, but you have to look at things you have going for you. I myself am a man of writing, learning how to draw and I am often told I am the most sensitive, listening and caring person that many of my friends know.

You have a boyfriend who you have been through a lot with, he clearly likes you a lot. Being a tomboy means nothing other than that is what you happen to be, he must love that side to you or else you would have found out in a bad way by now. You say you're dabbling in fashion, feeling better about yourself and that is fantastic, that is the answer in my eyes. Depression happens, we have friends to help us or useful forums like this to help us, and while you may get varying replies to this thread, here is mine.

You will compare yourself to others, it will happen, some people just can't pass that, but when you do, compare the great stuff,

YOU'RE getting healthier, have a long time boyfriend, liking yourself more and many other things I am sure.

They may be more traditionally attractive than you, but hey, that means nothing if you're happy.

Thanks. That really hit home, in a good way.
Sometimes I just get caught in that downward spiral of "Look how she's better than me in everything!" I've always been overly self-critical and have trouble seeing my own positive sides sometimes.  
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:39 pm
TheEdgeOfTheAbyss Wrote:
Sauvie Wrote:
It is tough, I am 21, overweight, completely socially awkward, Pansexual with a slight preference to people of my own gender, a virgin, never had a date or even my first kiss.

Comparing myself to others is something that happens, A ton, but you have to look at things you have going for you. I myself am a man of writing, learning how to draw and I am often told I am the most sensitive, listening and caring person that many of my friends know.

You have a boyfriend who you have been through a lot with, he clearly likes you a lot. Being a tomboy means nothing other than that is what you happen to be, he must love that side to you or else you would have found out in a bad way by now. You say you're dabbling in fashion, feeling better about yourself and that is fantastic, that is the answer in my eyes. Depression happens, we have friends to help us or useful forums like this to help us, and while you may get varying replies to this thread, here is mine.

You will compare yourself to others, it will happen, some people just can't pass that, but when you do, compare the great stuff,

YOU'RE getting healthier, have a long time boyfriend, liking yourself more and many other things I am sure.

They may be more traditionally attractive than you, but hey, that means nothing if you're happy.

Thanks. That really hit home, in a good way.
Sometimes I just get caught in that downward spiral of "Look how she's better than me in everything!" I've always been overly self-critical and have trouble seeing my own positive sides sometimes.
I understand that, and it is really tough I have about 3000 words of frustration in my Deviant art journals all comparing myself to others, need it be art, writing or even every day life. Not easy but if you get the hang of it, it changes how you look at most things around you. smilies/icon_smile.gif  

Sauvie

Sauvie's avatar

Dedicated Sex Symbol


TheEdgeOfTheAbyss

TheEdgeOfTheAbyss's avatar

PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:50 pm
Sauvie Wrote:
TheEdgeOfTheAbyss Wrote:
Sauvie Wrote:
It is tough, I am 21, overweight, completely socially awkward, Pansexual with a slight preference to people of my own gender, a virgin, never had a date or even my first kiss.

Comparing myself to others is something that happens, A ton, but you have to look at things you have going for you. I myself am a man of writing, learning how to draw and I am often told I am the most sensitive, listening and caring person that many of my friends know.

You have a boyfriend who you have been through a lot with, he clearly likes you a lot. Being a tomboy means nothing other than that is what you happen to be, he must love that side to you or else you would have found out in a bad way by now. You say you're dabbling in fashion, feeling better about yourself and that is fantastic, that is the answer in my eyes. Depression happens, we have friends to help us or useful forums like this to help us, and while you may get varying replies to this thread, here is mine.

You will compare yourself to others, it will happen, some people just can't pass that, but when you do, compare the great stuff,

YOU'RE getting healthier, have a long time boyfriend, liking yourself more and many other things I am sure.

They may be more traditionally attractive than you, but hey, that means nothing if you're happy.

Thanks. That really hit home, in a good way.
Sometimes I just get caught in that downward spiral of "Look how she's better than me in everything!" I've always been overly self-critical and have trouble seeing my own positive sides sometimes.
I understand that, and it is really tough I have about 3000 words of frustration in my Deviant art journals all comparing myself to others, need it be art, writing or even every day life. Not easy but if you get the hang of it, it changes how you look at most things around you. smilies/icon_smile.gif

Thanks. I'll definitely try to keep your advice in mind.  
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