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Reply 12. ✿ - - - Journal Writings
Carolyn's Life&Ramblings ☆ ⋆ [[comments are welcomed]] Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2 3 ... 5 6 7 8

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Emo Pankakes

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2014 12:25 pm

it hurts when you have that moment
that moment when you realize that you can't remember the simplest, but yet the most important things about someone.
you can't hear their laugh in your head. you can't remember their voice, or quite what their face looked like anymore.
it happens when you least expect it to.
suddenly you just notice that someone who was such an important memory can barely be reached anymore by your mind.
ahhh, memory is such a fragile thing isn't it?


okay, so enough of that. I guess right now I just feel like some important people from my past are slipping from my memory and it sucks.
But I guess that's why it's best to live in the moment.
And speaking of the moment, there have been some good ones lately!
So yeah.
let's back up a bit because I haven't posted since the beginning of the month.
I got to go to a concert with my friends earlier this month. It was really exciting. We saw Demi Lovato, and also 5h/little mix opened for her!! I really love Little Mix, so that was so so so sooooo exciting.
And then later tat week we went to the mall and lunch.
I kinda started having nervous stomach issues again. (those are starting to become a pain, I don't know if I've posted about it before, so I'll put it in a spoiler)
It first happened in the fall. I had gone out to eat with my friends and I just felt really nauseous and couldn't really eat. I thought it was because people at our table had ordered seafood, which makes me nauseous to smell, but nope. It wasn't because the whole nausea thing lasted longer than just that one night.
Pretty much every meal that week had to be forced. I just felt sick all the time.
Just sick to my stomach, but I felt hungry and like I couldn't eat at the same time. It slowly went away (maybe like 5 days?)
But then a few weeks later it happened again.
Basically every time I go out to eat, or I eat anywhere that isn't my house I end up feeling like this, and the feeling always lasts several days.
It's uncomfortable and annoying and I don't understand what is happening to me or why...

Also this month everyone had spring break which was nice. I got to hang out with a bunch of my friends~
Then E started talking to me again??? He claims that he'll be moving back in the summer. We'll see how that goes. He also seemed a bit offended that I don't start conversations with him anymore? I sometimes wish I was better with just laying my cards on the table so I could tell him how I feel and that I don't want to put in effort here any more because he stopped putting in the effort first.
Buttttt also okay so there's this guy, we will introduce him as O. Alright, so this guy works kind of where I work, but also he goes to school, so he only works during vacations.
So I had talked to him a bit when he was home for winter break, and then last week when he was back for spring break he came in and talked to me a bunch, and also asked for my numberrrr
(my friend teased me that he was flirting with me, but I am really bad at these types of things so idk)
But yeah we've been texting, and he keeps telling me that I should go visit him at his school.
I don't really Know where this thing is going now, but we shall see right? I mean it could be good. And hey he's actually my age.
((I have this problem where usually I end up liking guys that are older than me oops. Actually though it used to be the opposite *coughcough*K*coughcough*))

oooooo~ I have also seem to have finally really gotten out of my art slump. It's been almost a year, which is scary.
Like I've been teetering on the edge for 10 months and just finally regained my balance.

Anyway, I think I am done for now with this post.
Things are going to just start getting weirder and probably more personal if I keep posting. lol
PostPosted: Tue May 13, 2014 11:42 am

It's been a bit since I've posted again.
Probably because not much has been happening in my life since March.

So April was my birthday, which was fun. It was a nice day and I got to spend it outside with my friends. I also got a lot of money/giftcards to barnes and noble, so I bought sooooo many books (I bought almost 30 I think last month, though two of they were pre orders that don't ship until later this month).

ummm, then more recently this month there's been some stuff going on that I am not allowed to talk about right now, which is really hard on me. It's wearing me down and stressing me out.
I hope that soon maybe I'll be able to talk to one of my friends about it, but I really don't know which of them I could trust the most and be able to open up to about it...
Then just two more things I want to post about:
1 - I went out to eat with friends the other day and the nervous eating thing wasn't quite as bad as it's been in the past (though maybe because I was too focused on how much my allergies were bothering me)
2 - being sooo stressed and worried and all my mixed emotions was making me miss/want to talk to E, even though I still don't know how much I want him back in my life, but I wasn't about to start a conversation with him no matter how bad I wanted to, but then he talked to me, so just like having normal conversations with him. It's nice. And kinda cool because I had that part of me hoping he'd start talking to me and then he did. lol like if I will it enough it'll happen kind of thing.

okay that's it for now, maybe I'll have another update later, but for now that's it bye

Emo Pankakes

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Emo Pankakes

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PostPosted: Mon May 26, 2014 2:58 pm
okay, so I think it's about time that I make an update here that is genuinely positive. I mean yeah there's still bad s**t going on in my life, but I've been doing a real good job keeping it on the back burner right now.
So Summer now for all the college peeps (even though it's technically still spring for another month), but this means that all of my friends are home and free smilies/icon_heart.gif
Also this means that I've been out and about having fun and doing stuff!! I introduced Y to O yesterday. Based on the past this seemed like a risky idea, but I also figured that it couldn't hurt, everyone deserves a second chance right? (also she has a boyfriend right now, and I think that she understands the situation, if not then I'll have wrongfully given her this chance and know that she is a toxic friend, but I hope that everything goes well!!)

I've also had a bit of nervous eating troubles again, but I guess I should have seen that coming, I mean really.
This has been going on for a while, and being with someone new only magnifies the situation. Versus going out to eat with my constant group of friends from high school is practically routine so it's not that upsetting to my stomach/nerves.
It's hard that I don't understand what kind of anxiety is plaguing me here, I just want to conquer it so that I can be a normal freaking person when I hang out with O (because I am getting the feeling that he will probably always want to go out and get food. always lol).

But yeah. It's nice to hang out with someone new. And it's nice to get to spend more time with my friends.
It all helps me keep my mind off of work drama, family problems, and E.... Oh how I hope he isn't really moving back. But in the event that he does, I am NOT letting things go back to the way that they were. Nope. 3204823% chance of that NOT happening.
He had his chance and he ******** it up.

So I am gonna peace out now and go enjoy things.
I the past week has just been a glimmer of how good this summer is going to really be!!
12. ✿ - - - Journal Writings

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