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Rose_is_crazy
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 8:54 am
The Train...

The car stopped outside of an old, broken down-looking brewery in London. She had no idea where they were or why but she felt, almost at home as they entered. Loads of people where sitting at the tables, doing magic, drinking tea, or just engaging in light conversation. There was shouting and clanking from all around them and an old, rugged man shouted to them from behind the counter, “Well blast my wand to bits, if it isn’t Lucasius and Harold Walker in the same room! Haven’t seen you boys for years! Oh, And who are these lovely ladies?” he kissed both Frilla and Victiore’s hands, as if he were a high-class gentleman, hardly recognizing Harvina's mother. He looked closely at Frilla and then shot a disgruntled look toward her father. “Why, you married the Parkins girl, did you? Bloody fool.” he dropped Frilla's hand in disgust. Harvina looked at her her father’s reaction. His face looked hard and not moving, his teeth seemed to be clenched behind his closed lips and stepped closer as he pointed his wand, inconspicuously, to the barman's hip.

“You will do well to remember your manners, Tom. Need I remind you what my authority can do?”
“N-n-no, Sir. Please, forgive me, Madam. May I get you a drink? On me?”
Frilla looked at him as she looked at Carling back home, “Perhaps that was a bit too far, Mr. Klinney. We’re not here for drinks, anyhow. We’re on our way to Diagon Alley. Buying school supplies for our daughter.” she stepped aside and revealed the small girl by her side.
“M-m-my apologies, Miss. Please, excuse me.” he was shaking as he stepped back behind the counter, letting the two families continue on their way. The people in the bar must have stopped what they were doing because Harvina heard the noise start up again, as if it had seized when her father threatened Tom Klinney.

Lucasius opened a door in the back of the bar, what seemed to be leading out to the alley behind the building but, much to Harvina’s surprise, it lead to a small room, just big enough for all of them to fit in to. Harold was a short, large man, so it was surprising that everyone fit with him in there.
“Aldora, what are we doing?” asked Harvina, “Why are we in a storage closet?”
“Shh. Just watch, this is where Mother and Father bought my school supplies.”

Harvina was thrown off by this but paid no attention to her cousin’s obvious insanity as she watched her father pull out his wooden wand, the one Harvina had used to get into Carling’s room last week. He must’ve gone back into his second office. That’s the only way he could’ve retrieved it. He tapped the end of it to the bricks on the wall where two seemed to be sunken in. Quickly, the family stepped back as the wall formed itself into an archway. First went Harold and Victiore, followed by Aldora. Then her father crossed the archway, Followed by her and her mother, holding her shoulders behind her. There was, standing before her, an entire town. A shopping market. A sign gave away that it was called Diagon Alley, the place her mother had told Tom about in the bar.

“Let’s go my darling. It’s just me and you for shopping today. Your father’s going down to Nocturn Alley for some things he needs for the house, and Harold, Victiore, and Aldora will meet us at the station. They’ve already done the major shopping.”

Frilla first lead Harvina into Madam Malkin’s robes shop. The old woman measured Harvina up and down three times just to be sure, concentrating on something very hard, her tongue stuck out the corner of her mouth.
“How many robes would you like, Miss Walker?” she asked Harvina, who looked, confusedly to her mother.
“We’ll go with two for now” said her mother. “When she gets sorted we’ll exchange them for new ones.”
“Right,” said Madam Malkins, and with a flick of her wand, there appeared one change of robes on the counter, and one made itself onto Harvina’s body. Her day clothes sat in a neat pile on top of the other set of robes on the counter. “That’ll be twenty sickles, please”

Frilla put exactly twenty small silver coins on the counter, put the robes in a bag, and lead Harvina from the shop, and into another one. In there were piles and piles of books spiraling up to the ceiling. Shelves of them covered the walls up to the second floor. Harvina felt like she’d just entered heaven.

“Pick out any book you want, I’ll get the ones on the requirement list.” said Frilla as she walked away, up the stairs to the second floor. Harvina strolled slowly through the store, picking out several books about witches and wizards, some with the snake of Slytherin etched into the cover, and some with a picture of a raven that intrigued her. Some were just for light reading, small children’s storybooks and the others were meant for research, in case she had to look something up that her rquired books didn’t allow information for.

“You ready?” Frilla asked her.
“Uh...yes. Yes, I’m ready.”
“Wow, you think you’ll need so many books, Harvina? Just wait til you get your first homework load. You won’t have time to read all of them.”
But, despite her doubts, she took the thirteen or so books from Harvina and set them on the counter, along with the 10 required reads.
“Hmm.” said the shopkeeper as she scanned over all the books. “one-hundred and twenty galleons.”
“Done.” said Frilla. This was obviously a store of negotiation rather than set prices. At Madam Malkin’s she named a price, and mother gave it to her. This was a much more curious shop. Either that, or Frilla knew the woman behind the counter.

Then they left and walked a bit down the Alley, toward the end and on the left was a old shop called Ollivander’s. “Go ahead, I’ll wait outside.” And Harvina entered the ragged shop alone. There was an old man with wild hair up on a ladder, looking through some boxes when the door clanged shut.
“Hello?” he didn’t look at her. “Excuse me, sir?”
He looked startled as he turned.
“Oh! Didn’t see you there. How long have you been standing there, young woman?”
“Just a few moments, not too long.”
“Well, welcome. I’m Mr. Ollivander and this,” he stood now on the ground in front of her with his arms out and looking around at the shelves of boxes, “is my wand shop. How may I help you, Miss...?”
“Harvina Walker. It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Ollivander. I guess I’m here to purchase a wand.”
“You guess?”
“My mother sent me in here alone. She didnt tell me what it was.”
“Oh. well then. You must be..Harold’s daughter? No, wait. Not Harold. He was in here a week ago with his girl. You’re...Lucasius’ daughter.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I know your father very well young woman. I’ll even give you a discount. Yes, your father will approve of that a great deal.”

He stepped back behind the counter and turned down one of the isles of shelves. He came back with a rectangular box in hand and set it on the counter, opened it, and extracted the wand.

“Lucasius was in here the other day. Put a hold on this one for you. Here.” He handed her the wooden wand and she observed it in her hands. It was the same one she had found in Lucas’ study and the one he had used to enter the Alley. “It’s Birchwood with Hipogryff feathers and Pheonix tears.” he said as the store seemed to get more and more windy. leaves from the dead flowers where flying around her and golden light was coming from the tip of the wand.
“Ah.” said Ollivander, “This wand shall be yours then. I’ll even give it to you for..let’s say..three bronze knuts, since your father paid me to hold it.”
“Thank you, sir.” and he excused her.

Frilla was standing outside the shop with more bags than she had when Harvina went in. She hadn’t waited the whole time, she went to another shop. What looked like they came from somewhere else, probably Nocturn Alley as her father, too, was standing outside the shop.
“Alright, all finished then?” siad her father to her mother.
“Let’s go.” answered her mother, “Come, Harvina.” and she followed her mother and father down into Nocturn Alley and into a dark store. The man there spoke to her father for a while, seeming defensive, and finally permitted them to use his fireplace. Harvina didn’t think it was that cold out, why would they need a fireplace? Frilla lead Harvina from behind into it with Lucas at her side. He took a handfull of a powdery substance and shouted something and dropped the power on the floor. Instantly they were spinning in green flames and ended up in a bright office. It had pictures of criminals all over the walls and papers were flung all over the desk, much like in her fathers old study. She followed her parents all the way from the office building to a train station and stopped between the platforms nine and ten.

“I’ll stay here, you go ahead.” Lucas said. Frilla kissed his cheek and looked at the wall between the platforms. She ran straight for it and Harvina half expected her to run into it but to her astonishment, her mother walked straight through it. She looked at her father, who was, for the first time in years, looking back at her.

“You’d better hope you make Slytherin.” was all he said before he pushed Harvina toward the wall. She and the trolly full of her belongings, her new owl, Atwood, included, also went through the wall and ended up on an entirely different platform called 9 3/4. Frill was waving for her to get on the train.

“Come, Harvina! it’s almost eleven o’clock!” Frilla yelled.
The train made a high pitched sound, meaning it was departing soon, and Harvina handed the cart over to a man who put it on the train. She then ran to her mother, who kissed her cheek.
“Goodbye, my darling.”

Harvina boarded and found an empty compartment all her own. She entered, flung her rucksack onto the seat and looked out the window. Her mother was staring at her, but this time, the way she looked at Carling and Tom Klinney. With hatred in her face. More worried than ever before, Harvina sat on the seat and took out the parchment and ink quill and began to write.



Grandmother Myra,
Forgive me if I’m causing any inconveneince. I need a favour from you. You see, Mother and Father have been treating Carling horribly. I’m afraid they might try to hurt her-more terribly than they already have. She is my sister and I wish of nothing but to keep her safe. Please, tonight, when darkness surrounds the mansion, take Carling away from there and bring her to your house to live. Keep my sister safe from our mother and father’s wrath.
With Love,
Harvina A. Walker


As soon as the letter was folded into an envelope, Atwood swooped down from the overhead shelf. She handed him the letter and ordered him to Myra's house. He took it and flew out the window in a quick motion. Harvina was just struggling to close the window when someone came up behind her. “Here, let me help you.” said a female voice. And the window slammed shut. Harvina sat and closed her rucksack, putting everything back in where it belonged and looked at who had just helped her. The girl that now sat across from her had brown hair put up into a messy bun and she was wearing the same robes that Harvina had, obviously a first year as well.

“Hello, I’m Pixie. What’s your name?”
“Um..Harvina Walker. Nice to meet you.”
“You too. You don't mind if I sit here, do you? Everywhere else is full." she asked.
"Not at all, by all means." Harvina motioned to the seat that the girl named Pixie was already in.Pixie made herself comfortable and spoke lightly.
"You must be Lucasius’ daughter. Everyone knows who he is. He’s a powerful man. The whole family of yours if powerful. Richest wizarding family since the Malfoys.-”
“I know.”
“Oh. Well, aren’t you excited for school?” Pixie said, enthusiastically changing the subject.
“Yeah, I am. Sorry if I seem a little off. I’ve had a few things on my mind.”
‘Yeah, so have I.’
“Like what?”
“Excuse me?”
“You said you’ve had things on your mind as well..”
“No..I didn’t say anything. I was listening to you. I wanted to hear about the things you’ve been thinking about.” Harvina’s face was confused. She crinkled her brow..
“But..I heard you say it. You said ‘Yeah, so have I.’” said Harvina.
“No, I never said that.” Pixie objected patiently.
“Oh. I suppose it’s nothing then. Well, I’m going to sleep. Wake me when we arrive.”

Pixie looked curiously at Harvina as she closed her eyes and slowly drifted to sleep. A few bumps in the railway woke her now and again and she glanced at Pixie who was still looking curious, but starring out the window, holding her chin in her hand. Then, Harvina was asleep.  
PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 1:38 pm
heart it so far! However...

Can I offer some constructive criticism?

Lucas' grandfather is supposed to have an Irish accent, but the way you wrote it out phoenetically didn't sound Irish to me. In fact, (and I'm sure you didn't intend it this way-did you?) it was a little insulting.

For an Irish accent, or brogue, as it's called, you don't really need to change the spelling of anything as long as you mention once (or once per appearance) that he brogues.

If you must write him phoenetically, use it sparingly, please! Here are a few suggestions:
Occasionally: "-in' " for "-ing "
" o' " for "of" only- don't use it for other words like "on" or it'll get confusing
and try using it only if the next word is "the"
Rarely: " th' " for " the " - but not if the previous word was " o' "
" in't " for " isn't it "

You can throw in some Gaelic, if you know any.

Whew! I talked a long time! Sorry! sweatdrop  

DaBonster


Rose_is_crazy
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 7:21 pm
the rest is continued in my Personal [Burrow] Journal. re-edited and revise.  
PostPosted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 11:40 am
im kinda embarrassed 2 post my fanfic.should i anyway??  

loveseverything


Rose_is_crazy
Vice Captain

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:51 pm
I'm Back!!! three years of being completely stuck but I'm back and I plan on continuing my legacy of Harvina Walker. xd I know that no one's posted here in a long time but COME BACK!!!!  
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