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asadgrill's Compadre

Yutora
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My gosh people. Most of these stories are about murder or death. Jesus, make me depressed and bitter.




rofl


lol all of the stories on that ranking except the first two are about someone killing someone or someone dying. What has this society come to V_V so much anger and sadness.

Roy Alexis's Queen

No Sex Symbol

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Yutora
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My gosh people. Most of these stories are about murder or death. Jesus, make me depressed and bitter.




rofl


lol all of the stories on that ranking except the first two are about someone killing someone or someone dying. What has this society come to V_V so much anger and sadness.


It is the easiest thing to get write; in my opinion.
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This is still open, right? :]
One entry per person, free of charge?

asadgrill's Compadre

Fake Silence
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This is still open, right? :]
One entry per person, free of charge?

Yes ma'am. That is correct. >_<
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Okays, I'll get to finding something to write.
Do you mind reused stories, by the way? Say, I posted it onto my blog before this?

asadgrill's Compadre

Fake Silence
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Okays, I'll get to finding something to write.
Do you mind reused stories, by the way? Say, I posted it onto my blog before this?

Not at all. Just as long as you wrote it and it somewhat goes along with the first post.
Username: Fake Silence
Age: Currently 17. (wrote this when I was 15, and did some editing just now)
Title: Golden Hair 。Donut Hearts
Inspiration: here



Kyle's mum opened the door and I walked inside. "Good morning, Kyle. I'm your new doctor, you can call me Jake. Hmm, so, it says here on your medical chart that you have trouble catching your breath lately. I need you to tell me when and how exactly this happe..." I glanced up from the files I've been reading, and looked at my patient for the first time.

Our eyes met, and then, I froze.
……………………………………………………

I was three when my mother gave me my first Valentine's gift. Her name was Valentina and she was my sister.

I remember the first time I met her, she was wrapped so tightly in a big blue blanket, I didn't realize immediately she had hands and feet. She had crumpled pink skin and couldn't even open her eyes. I remember thinking she was just a bundle of blankets with an ugly face. I didn't even dare to touch her when the nurse took her from what looked like a plastic shoe box and put her in Papa's arms. But when she turned and smiled to me, it was like love at first sight, and I knew she would be the most wonderful gift I could ever receive.
……………………

"Jake, why is my hair so yellow? I wanna have brown hair like yours!" Every time she told me this, I'd laugh and stroke her hair.

"’Cause you're so special, Tina, you have golden hair!" I would say it like it’s a wonder and watch her eyes go wide in surprise, then her lips would turn up. "The sun kissed your hair, that's why it's golden." She would laugh too and I would give her a friendly punch.

Tina never doubted anything I said, she always believed me. She believed when I told her the sun kissed her, and she believed when I told her she'd be okay. After all, I was the big brother, I was supposed to know everything.
……………………

My sister was born with a hole in her heart. However, I only knew that when she was already four. She fainted at my seventh birthday party and I was so furious at her, she ruined the whole party.

Mama was crying like it was the end of the world when the doctor told her about Tina's problem. They were discussing it at the hospital corridor when they thought I fell asleep together with Tina. I didn't fully understand what the doctor said back then, but I knew it had to be very sad news. I knew it because I heard Papa's voice tremble as he told Mama everything would be fine. That night, Papa held me close and rocked me till I fell asleep in his warmth. In my dream, he was humming a soft, soothing tune unknown to me. And so, my first ever sleepover party was at a hospital with my whole family.

After the incident, Tina’s body started to grow weaker. She needed to visit the doctor every Friday after school, and more often than not, there would be injections. I remember the first time I followed her to the hospital, she held onto my hand for dear life and squeezed her eyes shut so tightly as I watched the nurse pierce a needle through her skin. She was crying when it was over, and I cried with her too, on the inside. It was then I promised myself I'd do anything I could to keep her happy.

So I sang to her when she wouldn't take her medication. And I let her choose a favourite movie to watch every weekend after the visit to the doctor's. I watched her play with her dolls and even pretended I liked playing too. I was the most boring thing I ever did, but I’d give anything to be able to watch her play again. I made her a scoreboard and gave her ten points each time she managed to go through her injections without crying. When she finally reached two hundred points, I used up all my pocket money to buy her a colouring book and a new box of crayons. She was over the moon and drew a picture of me. I told her I didn't like it because it looked nothing like me, but now, the picture is framed and hung up in my room.

Sometimes, Tina had to stay in the hospital. She was afraid of the dark, and I knew she would have nightmares if she had to sleep alone in a strange room with no lights. She was convinced that the monsters would bite her at midnight. When the nurse wouldn't listen to me and keep the lights on for my sister, I stole some of Papa's money to get her a small night lamp, which she was only allowed to use if Papa wasn't around. My dad never found out about the money, but I saved a dollar every week and secretly put it in his wallet to pay him back.

Months passed, and years passed, but Tina didn’t seem to be getting any better. Her hospital visits were getting more frequent and her hospital sleepover nights got longer. I thought her medication wasn't helping much, it only made her puke and cry. The doctor said it was time she needed a heart transplant.

I was ten by then but my parents didn’t believe in computers and internet for kids my age. So I read up every book about hearts I could find in the library. I also went to bookstores and stood there reading the books that I couldn’t afford to buy. I knew a lot about hearts, and I knew most of the medical terms they used in the hospital. I wasn't about to let my parents hide anything from me anymore. I wanted to be the first to understand everything about Tina’s situation; I wanted to be able to help.

It was terrible that she was so sick and I didn’t even know until she fainted at my party. It was terrible, thinking that I got jealous every time Tina got sick because she had special attention I never had, even if I was also sick. It was terrible thinking that I fought her so many times, and she'd end up wheezing. It was terrible thinking I could have killed her when I challenged her to race me around the field; I was on a bike, she was on her bare feet. And it was more terrible knowing she could leave me anytime if there wasn't a donor for her, and I couldn't do anything at all.

I knew it was really mean of me, but every day, I read the newspapers page by page to check if any seven-year-old kid got into an accident and went brain dead. And I prayed everyday for a miracle from God. I wanted Him to let Tina stay a little longer, just so that I could love her a little more.

She did, she fought for another sixteen months when the doctors told us she had only six more to live. I was so proud of her for that, she was so strong, she was my hero.
……………………

One fine afternoon, when Tina asked me to take her to the garden, I noticed how small she was for her age as I carried her, a weight in my arms that was almost empty. We sat on the grass. She wrapped her blanket around us, and then she told me, "Jake, I had a dream last night..."

"In my dream, you were a magician. You took a donut from the kitchen, and said a few magic words. Then the hole in the donut just disappeared!” She shut her eyes for a moment and continued. “Do you think you can do that to my heart, Jake?"

There were tears in my eyes, I hugged her close. "You'll be okay, Tina. I love you."

I ran my fingers through her hair for one last time and she fell asleep on my shoulder. I was only eleven when I lost her forever.
……………….………………………….

"Doctor? Doctor, are you okay?" I heard Kyle's mum ask. I brought myself back into reality, managed a smile and apologized to her and Kyle.

"You reminded me a lot of my sister, Kyle, you’re beautiful just like her. She had a hole in her heart like you do too. Can you promise me you'll be strong and we’ll win this together?" I asked the little girl.

She blushed and turned to her mom, shy at my compliment. Slowly, she nodded and smiled, brushing her golden hair away from her eyes. “Okay, I’ll try,” she said, her voice soft like a feather.

I couldn't do much for Tina back then, but now, I know I can help save this little girl. I will be the magician in Tina’s dream, I will make the hole in Kyle’s donut heart go away. And I know my sister will be so proud of me.



p.s. Thank you for reading to the end. I welcome feedback/criticism, please and thank you. :]

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So, do we get constructive criticisms on our stories or feedback?

asadgrill's Compadre

Reili Takamara
So, do we get constructive criticisms on our stories or feedback?


I did for the first few stories that were submitted since I really liked them. I'm terrible at feedback unless I really liked the story or really hated it. But then again, I dont feel I'm someone to tell you how you're story should be written but if you want to know for sure what I though of it, I'll only do so if I really liked it or if you asked to know.

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Reili Takamara
So, do we get constructive criticisms on our stories or feedback?


I did for the first few stories that were submitted since I really liked them. I'm terrible at feedback unless I really liked the story or really hated it. But then again, I dont feel I'm someone to tell you how you're story should be written but if you want to know for sure what I though of it, I'll only do so if I really liked it or if you asked to know.


Okay, I'll admit that I'm a bit curious to know what you thought about my story.

asadgrill's Compadre

Reili Takamara
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Reili Takamara
So, do we get constructive criticisms on our stories or feedback?


I did for the first few stories that were submitted since I really liked them. I'm terrible at feedback unless I really liked the story or really hated it. But then again, I dont feel I'm someone to tell you how you're story should be written but if you want to know for sure what I though of it, I'll only do so if I really liked it or if you asked to know.


Okay, I'll admit that I'm a bit curious to know what you thought about my story.


Alright, I'll pm my opinions in a bit. >_<

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I sent my story already, just not sure if I edited right and if i have any typos or not sweatdrop

Gonna post it here so everyone else can read as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Title: The Life of Green Tree
Username: FaeMaiden
Age: Eighteen
Inspiration: Nature


I would like to tell you a story of my somewhat short life. My name is Green Tree, yes I know it is not exactly normal but that is because I am not what you are expecting. You see, I was in fact an oak tree.

In my early age I had been planted by an elderly woman in a forest. A tree she used to love when she was young had been around the area I was planted in until lightening had struck it and burned it down. Luckily other trees were unharmed. To make the section of the forest lively again she planted me. Not many others had been planted like she planned because she passed on from old age.

After a few years I began to grow more and more. I had seen very few people and had no one around me. Every spring when I came out of hibernation and became more alert on my surroundings, a new family moved into the small cottage nearby but it seemed as I slept in winter they moved. Year after year when my leave fell off and I went to sleep, the people who had moved in when I woke had moved out again and again.

No one had really visited the forest and if they did it was not to speak with any of us. I always felt lonely and always had been even when I matured into a very lively blooming tree. It was not until one spring when I awoke that a family moved in who had a small boy. He had actually come around the forest often to be around nature.

One spring morning he came to me and asked if I was lonely. Of course I was not able to respond but it seemed as if he sensed what I had been feeling. He sat by my as he studied and for the entire day and spoke to me on and off, even without me speaking. After that he came around more often to talk to me. Soon I had been named Green Tree by him. He soon became my little boy.

He came around to read, study or even just sit under my branches and talk to me about things going on in the world or his life. He had no real friends and was not liked for what he had chosen to be even by his parents. He had chose a path of Wicca and had loved nature his whole life. He usually came five afternoons and stayed past nightfall, sometimes for two mornings in a row he would come to me.

He asked for permission before picking my leaves or branches off, I would always allow it. When winter came around and I slept, I could always sense him coming around me to wish me a peaceful sleep and relax near me. When he got a little older and taller he would climb my trunk and up to my branches to explore the high up areas.

He set up an alter near me and would perform rituals around me, feeling more secure with a friend around. He even wrapped a rope around my trunk with a few talismans to secure me as his tree. Whenever the boys parents would yell at him even I could hear from my location. I really was the only one who he was able to be normal around.

One night it began to storm very badly, rain pouring down extremely hard and lightening threatening to strike any minute. I worried for my safety as well as the entire forest around me. The lightening had struck down once but it was fortunate that only the ground had been struck. I felt better when he came out to check on me even at such a late and stormy night.

He reassured me that nothing will ever happen to me so long as I was his tree and he was alive. He stayed with me for a little while until the storm died down. He then ran back to his home. The storm continued on for a few days making me worry. He had not come back for some time even after the storm and I began to feel lonely again.

It wasn’t until my leaves began to brown and fall that I had saw him again. He informed me that his mother had been sick and passed on. He was upset but knew she went to a much more exotic and happy place, where as his father had been grieving so much since he death. My little boy had told me that there was a chance he may not be able to see me as much anymore. Even when he was with me after that for a while it was as if he was still really worried. I invited him to climb to my branches and stay warm on the cold days.

Soon I went back to sleep without seeing him. I never felt his presence after that. When I awoke I did not see him for many days. After a while he did come back but only to tell me his father was packing up and they were leaving. Just like that I lost my only friend in life, never knowing his outcome or what happened to the rest of his family.

Still I waited for some time, hoping he would come back to me one for a visit. It was a waste as he never came back. As I aged the loneliness returned. No one ever moved back into the cottage and I was left with only the rope he had wrapped around me, naming me his tree.

I was lonely, only the birds accompanying me would perch themselves on my branches. After a few storms many of the other trees ended up being knocked down by winds and set on fire by lightening. I had been fortune to never be harmed. I still believe my charm was what kept me safe. My little boy had kept me safe even if he was far from me now.

One surprising afternoon the boy had returned to greet me I was so thrilled and I know he knew that. He climbed my branches and sat within them, making himself comfortable. He told me everything that has happened to him since he last saw me. How his father past away a few years after his mother, how he met a nice girl had recently became a father.

I cannot express how joyful I felt the entire day he spent with me. He seemed as if he had never been happier in his life then the moment he was able to come back and speak with me. The boy promised to see me again one day before he left.

I held onto his promise for so long. I had already been back to sleep before he was able to come back that year. It was not long after I had awoken again that he returned to see me. After that visit he came every seven days to see me. He told me about new updates about the world and what his family was beginning to be like.

He made sure to come for important rituals that he practiced, not being able to do it in many years. We both were so joyful to be around each other again. One day after an important ceremony, he undid the rope and wrapped a new charm around my trunk, adding on the old talismans along with the new. He told me he may not be back for a long time, maybe never again. His life became difficult and he had to take care of his family. He promised I would always be his favorite tree.

Years past once again without him. Though I did not worry as much, I knew that if he could no longer visit me that it was not his fault. The little by who cared for me and I cared for had a family he needed to take care of now. I held no grudge or grief towards him or any others for my loneliness.

After some time it seemed as if the forest had gotten smaller and smaller. People were around for some time talking about things I did not understand. After many sleeps and awakenings they had finally reached my area. The brought huge contraptions and talked about digging up the ground and getting rid of the trees. When they came before me, I could tell how careless they felt for nature.

I feared for my life, knowing the stories my boy had told me. It was not long before they began to use some instrument to cut at me. It was pure torture to me, for I would not die of natural causes from nature or old age as many trees before me but by these humans. The weapon they uses was sharp and each pass through my trunk bases caused me great pain.
It took time which means terrible pain for me and life soon ending. If I were human I would cry tears just like my boy had sometimes. In the end all I could think about was my boy. If my charm did not keep me safe then I suspect he must no longer be alive. He promised me something and I believe him for it. He said that as long as he was alive I was his tree and I would be safe.

I accepted my fate and wondered if I would see him again in another life. My trunk ached but I could no longer feel the pain. My life began to fade and as they cut enough of my trunk, calling out. I kept my boy in my thoughts. If it ends this way then I suppose it is fine. I just wish I could have seen him one last time before my untimely death.
Just checked back on the thread to find that my entry isn't added to the "entries received" list.. I hope it wasn't overdue.. ><

asadgrill's Compadre

Fake Silence
Just checked back on the thread to find that my entry isn't added to the "entries received" list.. I hope it wasn't overdue.. ><

If it isn't up there it means that I have read it but I Haven't decided where to place but you'll know by tomorrow the latest.
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Fake Silence
Just checked back on the thread to find that my entry isn't added to the "entries received" list.. I hope it wasn't overdue.. ><

If it isn't up there it means that I have read it but I Haven't decided where to place but you'll know by tomorrow the latest.

Thanks, I see it now! biggrin

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