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PyschoticGoldfish's avatar

Invisible Loiterer

PyschoticGoldfish
I like the colours red, green, purple and black. Because I'm weird.

That's not very weird.
PyschoticGoldfish's avatar

Invisible Loiterer

Fizzlesticks
PyschoticGoldfish
I like the colours red, green, purple and black. Because I'm weird.

That's not very weird.
They are the only colours I like though.. I won't wear any others, apart from my blue work shirts
PyschoticGoldfish
Fizzlesticks
PyschoticGoldfish
I like the colours red, green, purple and black. Because I'm weird.

That's not very weird.
They are the only colours I like though.. I won't wear any others, apart from my blue work shirts


Still not strange, sorry. wink (Admittedly, they're pretty much the only colours I wear, too.)
BioluminescentGirl's avatar

Generous Millionaire

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I would like to enter, but I'm really confused o where you want to post. You said test forums was at the bottom of the page before, but I don't see it? Can I just post here?
PyschoticGoldfish's avatar

Invisible Loiterer

Blackcat6349
I would like to enter, but I'm really confused o where you want to post. You said test forums was at the bottom of the page before, but I don't see it? Can I just post here?
Yeah okay, I'll just give it a test forum myself ><
InvisableMuffins's avatar

Invisible Fatcat

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ok, i want to enter but I've never done prose before. as a matter a fact I've never done poetry, unless song lyrics and class asignments count. I will do the prompt with the darkness and the rain and such. Expect it by sunday, Sorry if I totally muck this up for you XD!
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Generous Millionaire

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PyschoticGoldfish
Blackcat6349
I would like to enter, but I'm really confused o where you want to post. You said test forums was at the bottom of the page before, but I don't see it? Can I just post here?
Yeah okay, I'll just give it a test forum myself ><


oh, no. Don't go through much trouble. I just really don't know what a test forum is...? I'm sorry. I'm new at this xd
PyschoticGoldfish's avatar

Invisible Loiterer

InvisableMuffins
ok, i want to enter but I've never done prose before. as a matter a fact I've never done poetry, unless song lyrics and class asignments count. I will do the prompt with the darkness and the rain and such. Expect it by sunday, Sorry if I totally muck this up for you XD!
Hey, if you want to do song lyrics (if they're easier) go ahead, I didn't even think of those! ><
PyschoticGoldfish's avatar

Invisible Loiterer

Blackcat6349
PyschoticGoldfish
Blackcat6349
I would like to enter, but I'm really confused o where you want to post. You said test forums was at the bottom of the page before, but I don't see it? Can I just post here?
Yeah okay, I'll just give it a test forum myself ><


oh, no. Don't go through much trouble. I just really don't know what a test forum is...? I'm sorry. I'm new at this xd
It's fine ><
I just mean for you to post your own thread in this forum though (: and then link me it
PyschoticGoldfish's avatar

Invisible Loiterer

Anyone interested?
InvisableMuffins's avatar

Invisible Fatcat

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My Entree!


Name: InvisableMuffins
Contest: 2
Prompt: 2
Type: Poem
Word count: 45
Note: If you don’t want to know what this is about and wish to interpret it on your own, steer clear from anything after the word “about”.
Note 2: I would like to know what you think, things I can improve on. I won’t change the poem, I just want to know.



Frail and feverish thy lie.
Sweltered a wet haze in dry gullet abodes.
Lie in broiling hail,
Be there light shielded in sheets of darkness.
T’was abashed of delusions and undaunted at ends.
Morning lights slipped into blackened heaven,
Sickness became healthy to thy touch.


About: In case you don’t get it, this is about a girl who’s sick in bed. It’s raining outside. Here it is in a simplified version:

I had been sick the past few days.
My throat was dry but I sweated myself into a pool.
My body was hot but the air was chilled because I left the window open and now rain bashed against it and slipped into my room.
It was dark under the covers.
I was abashed (scared) of my dream and undaunted(happy) to be out of it (as in, she woke up).
The light of the morning slipped in on my dark place under the blankets.
My mom felt my forehead and found out my sickness was cured and I was now healthy.
InvisableMuffins
I would like to know what you think, things I can improve on. I won’t change the poem, I just want to know.

Why bother asking for ways to improve if you're not going to then work to improve it?

Quote:
Frail and feverish thy lie.

Things to improve #1: Don't use "Old English" unless you've studied it and know how. wink

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