Poetry contest! [full]

[wariswon]

Hello! It's been a while since I have logged onto Gaia, and throughout the years, a few items of mine have gone up in value, so I have some extra gaia gold that I'd like to give away.

I want to hold a poetry contest because I enjoy reading the talent and effort people put into writing. I know some pick one winner, and that's it- one person gets a prize, and the other competitors might feel as if they wasted their time. So! I am giving out participation prizes to the competitors who did not win the full 20k prize.

Depending on how busy I will be, I might give a simple critique to every entry! Don't fret- I'll tell you what I like about your poem and if I can, I'll even give some pointers.

I'm not the most experienced writer, but I am a college student and I've been writing creatively ever since I learned how to construct a simple sentence.

I've never held a contest before, so bear with me.

I want to do it like this:

A maximum of 5 competitors (one entry each) for this contest. I will update this post as each person submits. However every person takes different amounts of time to submit a poem, so you will have to reserve a spot in the line-up.

A maximum of 200-300 words

Any style of poetry, it may or may not rhyme, etc.

Must relate to one of the prompts


I will be looking for

Unique and engaging ideas, good sensory imagery as well as figurative language, grammar, and how awake it keeps me.

These are your possible prompts. Please choose one and as you post reserving your spot, name which prompt you are going to base your poem off of:

-A moment in nature
-A moment between a child and parent
-A moment describing an epiphany, or describing a discovery

Please reply to this thread with the following information, and if I have enough room, I will add you into the list:

Username:
Prompt chosen:

Spots:

1. Kira-KILL-xx
2. Ze Kommissar
3. The Passing of Time
4. Natari13
5. Fasia3

I will be closing the contest on January 27th, 2012, so there are only a few days! As you post your entry, I will quote it and evaluate it.
ON the 27th (I would say.... between 6-8PM EST time, but don't hold your breath because I have no idea what I'll be doing on Friday), I'll ready carefully over each poem, and decide on which poem wins the 20k. I will choose the winner based on (but not limited to) these questions: was it engaging? Was it interesting throughout? Was there impressive wording? Was it grammatically correct?

I hope everybody who participates enjoy themselves lightheartedly, and gain maybe a little inspiration out of this!

: )

[Kira-KILL-xx]

Hi, this is my entry smile

Username: Kira-KILL-xx
Prompt chosen: A moment in nature.

The Dawn of Spring:

'The sun rises steadily,
Over the horizon.
Flowers begin to bloom,
Instead of wither and wizen.

Blades of grass so smooth,
In between my toes.
Velvetine petals,
Falling from a rose.

Its on the tip of my tongue,
The fresh taste of Spring.
I'm dancing, I'm prancing,
Around all these lively things.

The Lilies of The Valley,
The Glory of the Snow.
Their beautiful scents together,
The best I will know.

Birds sing with joy,
Such a sense of tranquility.
Spring rushes in,
With complete inevitability.'


Hope you enjoy it! smile

[Ze Kommissar]

Username: Ze Kommissar
Prompt Chosen: -A moment describing an epiphany, or describing a discovery

That Cupboard is glaring at me, and a series of other events.

So there I was
Just sitting, in my
Lucsious
Lofty,
And not entirely uncomfortable leather chair.

And I Chatting with my Radio,
Over a cup of delicious earl grey.
And we were discussing
The disgusting news
That some poor girl had just been killed.
Charitably so he said,
She had been as mad as three hats on a hatter
in a looney bin
in the middle of a dinner party;
where the only Hor d'oeuvers served
were adolescent rage with a side of clinical depression
Alongside red wine.

I told my Radio I thought that was in bad taste,
Red wine does not complement the sweet flavour of mania.
And he agreed.

This long line of conversation, as long lines do often do,
Lead, which is of course the past tense of lead.
To a disorganized dicussion on that subject of Insanity.

And during said conversation on lunacy
In a brief and painful moment of lucidity
My books on my shelf said to one another
Which is to say, one said to the other
"He knows he's crazy too, doesn't he?"

The cupboard in the corner is glaring at me
And I think that's a funny thing for a cupboard to do
Cupboards don't have any eyes, you see.
But that little knave didn't know what I knew.

So I ran out
To grab my axe from the shed
And on the way I said hello to a row of petunias in my back garden
And I chopped that dissenter into little bits,
And I threw them into the fireplace, who gobbled them up through his grate quite gratefully
Now I'm warm again.

What were the books talking about again?
A side effect of being a lunatic is a lack of focus, you see.

[wariswon]

Yay! We have participants. Thanks for putting in your effort. :3

I go to work in about ten minutes, but when I come back I will quote and give you a lighthearted critique.

[The Passing of Time]

Hello! smile I might have a go of this, though I haven't decided which prompt to do yet. biggrin

But for the word count, did you mean that the poem has to be between 200 and 300 words long? Or at the most 300 words?

[wariswon]

At most 300 words! It can be as short as you'd like. Sometimes the shorter poems can have more effect.
: ) I hope that answers your question.

[The Passing of Time]

It does, thank you! smile

Username: The Passing of Time
Prompt chosen: a moment in nature

Poppies

Poppies are flowers
which come in a variety of colours:
Red, black, yellow, orange,
purple: gorgeous.

I like poppies. So
does my wife, and my kids.
They’re beautiful things;
So delicate and mild.

Poppies are common here.
We lie amongst them, sometimes,
and it seems to me like
they offer respite from the fire.

My favourite used to be those
poppies, laid out on cold beds;
a symbol of remembrance
adding a touch of red.

But now I’m not so sure
anymore; the red poppies have
lost their charm. I saw a man, once, in a field of
poppies torn in half.

Poppies are flowers
which come in a variety of colours:
Red, black, yellow, purple;
Poppies are flowers of war.

[wariswon]

Kira-KILL-xx

Hi, this is my entry smile

Username: Kira-KILL-xx
Prompt chosen: A moment in nature.

The Dawn of Spring:

'The sun rises steadily,
Over the horizon.
Flowers begin to bloom,
Instead of wither and wizen.

Blades of grass so smooth,
In between my toes.
Velvetine petals,
Falling from a rose.

Its on the tip of my tongue,
The fresh taste of Spring.
I'm dancing, I'm prancing,
Around all these lively things.

The Lilies of The Valley,
The Glory of the Snow.
Their beautiful scents together,
The best I will know.

Birds sing with joy,
Such a sense of tranquility.
Spring rushes in,
With complete inevitability.'


Hope you enjoy it! smile

This is lovely. : )

What I like about it:
I do like when poems rhyme, because it gives me some sort of eagerness to proceed to the next line to see what kind of word choice was chosen. When I read it I think of pastel colors, which is perfect, since your poem is about Spring. My favorite part was when you were describing the smooth blades of grass beneath your toes and velveteen petals. Like I can rub the tip of my index finger along my thumb and imagine how they much feel. Nicely done!

Suggestions:
In the 4th stanza, were the words 'lily, the valley, glory, snow' supposed to be capitalized? If yes, then no problem. But it makes the reader wonder why those words were capitalized.
Also, perhaps you might want to be more consistent with sensory details! You mention beautiful scents, but what did they actually smell like?

[wariswon]

Ze Kommissar

Username: Ze Kommissar
Prompt Chosen: -A moment describing an epiphany, or describing a discovery

That Cupboard is glaring at me, and a series of other events.

So there I was
Just sitting, in my
Lucsious
Lofty,
And not entirely uncomfortable leather chair.

And I Chatting with my Radio,
Over a cup of delicious earl grey.
And we were discussing
The disgusting news
That some poor girl had just been killed.
Charitably so he said,
She had been as mad as three hats on a hatter
in a looney bin
in the middle of a dinner party;
where the only Hor d'oeuvers served
were adolescent rage with a side of clinical depression
Alongside red wine.

I told my Radio I thought that was in bad taste,
Red wine does not complement the sweet flavour of mania.
And he agreed.

This long line of conversation, as long lines do often do,
Lead, which is of course the past tense of lead.
To a disorganized dicussion on that subject of Insanity.

And during said conversation on lunacy
In a brief and painful moment of lucidity
My books on my shelf said to one another
Which is to say, one said to the other
"He knows he's crazy too, doesn't he?"

The cupboard in the corner is glaring at me
And I think that's a funny thing for a cupboard to do
Cupboards don't have any eyes, you see.
But that little knave didn't know what I knew.

So I ran out
To grab my axe from the shed
And on the way I said hello to a row of petunias in my back garden
And I chopped that dissenter into little bits,
And I threw them into the fireplace, who gobbled them up through his grate quite gratefully
Now I'm warm again.

What were the books talking about again?
A side effect of being a lunatic is a lack of focus, you see.

What an interesting concept!

What I like:
I like how you used personification with the furniture and the radio. I wrote a poem like this before, all the furniture in my classroom came alive and started attacking people. surprised The language and word choice is pretty interesting, and isn't boring, which I like. I love the reference you made to Alice in Wonderland: "She had been as mad as three hats on a hatter
in a looney bin
in the middle of a dinner party; ". To me, that is the most poetic line in the whole thing. Very noteworthy.

Suggestions:
I noticed you have capitalized a few words that aren't names or don't begin a sentence. I actually like that "Radio" is capitalized because you are 'chatting' with the radio, which gives it more of a human quality. I'd like to see emphasis on the personalities of each piece of furniture that was given life. There are a few grammatical things, like missing commas, and you're a little inconsistent with rhyming, but I get it if not rhyming all the time is your style.

[wariswon]

The Passing of Time

It does, thank you! smile

Username: The Passing of Time
Prompt chosen: a moment in nature

Poppies

Poppies are flowers
which come in a variety of colours:
Red, black, yellow, orange,
purple: gorgeous.

I like poppies. So
does my wife, and my kids.
They’re beautiful things;
So delicate and mild.

Poppies are common here.
We lie amongst them, sometimes,
and it seems to me like
they offer respite from the fire.

My favourite used to be those
poppies, laid out on cold beds;
a symbol of remembrance
adding a touch of red.

But now I’m not so sure
anymore; the red poppies have
lost their charm. I saw a man, once, in a field of
poppies torn in half.

Poppies are flowers
which come in a variety of colours:
Red, black, yellow, purple;
Poppies are flowers of war.

Beautiful.

What I like:
My eyes were drawn to this poem because of the structure: small stanzas. I am one of those who, when flipping through a poetry book, are attracted to the poems with a less amount of words. I love how you tie this poem up with the first and last stanza- I see that you are trying to create a theme where in the beginning, you think the poppies are gorgeous and lively, but then at the end, you don't think so anymore because of a bad memory. That's an interesting concept.

Suggestions:
I can see the point you are trying to make, but I'd like it better if you were to expand on how you went from loving poppies, to being reminded of something dark because of them. Also, the syntax of one line threw me off and I had to reread it- "I saw a man, once, in a field of poppies torn in half". You can fix this by either adding a comma after "in a field of poppies", or change around the order the words come in. For example: "I saw a man torn in half, once, in a field of poppies." One way you can expand on this is by dedicating a stanza to your time dealing with war.

[Kira-KILL-xx]

M o o n k h i s t

Kira-KILL-xx

Hi, this is my entry smile

Username: Kira-KILL-xx
Prompt chosen: A moment in nature.

The Dawn of Spring:

'The sun rises steadily,
Over the horizon.
Flowers begin to bloom,
Instead of wither and wizen.

Blades of grass so smooth,
In between my toes.
Velvetine petals,
Falling from a rose.

Its on the tip of my tongue,
The fresh taste of Spring.
I'm dancing, I'm prancing,
Around all these lively things.

The Lilies of The Valley,
The Glory of the Snow.
Their beautiful scents together,
The best I will know.

Birds sing with joy,
Such a sense of tranquility.
Spring rushes in,
With complete inevitability.'


Hope you enjoy it! smile

This is lovely. : )

What I like about it:
I do like when poems rhyme, because it gives me some sort of eagerness to proceed to the next line to see what kind of word choice was chosen. When I read it I think of pastel colors, which is perfect, since your poem is about Spring. My favorite part was when you were describing the smooth blades of grass beneath your toes and velveteen petals. Like I can rub the tip of my index finger along my thumb and imagine how they much feel. Nicely done!

Suggestions:
In the 4th stanza, were the words 'lily, the valley, glory, snow' supposed to be capitalized? If yes, then no problem. But it makes the reader wonder why those words were capitalized.
Also, perhaps you might want to be more consistent with sensory details! You mention beautiful scents, but what did they actually smell like?

Hi biggrin
Thanks for the critique. It's great to have a different point of view, it's like a breath of fresh air.. smile
I liked that stanza too, but because I love roses^__^

Hmm, the words that are capitalized are supposed to be, they are names of flowers, was it wrong to capitalize them? I wasn't sure at the time, so I did..

Hope you enjoyed it, and have fun reading all the other lovely and creative entries smile
xxx

[wariswon]

Kira-KILL-xx

M o o n k h i s t

Kira-KILL-xx

Hi, this is my entry smile

Username: Kira-KILL-xx
Prompt chosen: A moment in nature.

The Dawn of Spring:

'The sun rises steadily,
Over the horizon.
Flowers begin to bloom,
Instead of wither and wizen.

Blades of grass so smooth,
In between my toes.
Velvetine petals,
Falling from a rose.

Its on the tip of my tongue,
The fresh taste of Spring.
I'm dancing, I'm prancing,
Around all these lively things.

The Lilies of The Valley,
The Glory of the Snow.
Their beautiful scents together,
The best I will know.

Birds sing with joy,
Such a sense of tranquility.
Spring rushes in,
With complete inevitability.'


Hope you enjoy it! smile

This is lovely. : )

What I like about it:
I do like when poems rhyme, because it gives me some sort of eagerness to proceed to the next line to see what kind of word choice was chosen. When I read it I think of pastel colors, which is perfect, since your poem is about Spring. My favorite part was when you were describing the smooth blades of grass beneath your toes and velveteen petals. Like I can rub the tip of my index finger along my thumb and imagine how they much feel. Nicely done!

Suggestions:
In the 4th stanza, were the words 'lily, the valley, glory, snow' supposed to be capitalized? If yes, then no problem. But it makes the reader wonder why those words were capitalized.
Also, perhaps you might want to be more consistent with sensory details! You mention beautiful scents, but what did they actually smell like?

Hi biggrin
Thanks for the critique. It's great to have a different point of view, it's like a breath of fresh air.. smile
I liked that stanza too, but because I love roses^__^

Hmm, the words that are capitalized are supposed to be, they are names of flowers, was it wrong to capitalize them? I wasn't sure at the time, so I did..

Hope you enjoyed it, and have fun reading all the other lovely and creative entries smile
xxx

Oh, I see! Haha, I didn't know they were the names of flowers! : ) Well, there's another thing to learn- not every ready is going to know! I would keep them capitalized, then!

And thanks for participating, I enjoyed reading it. :3

[Natari13]

Together
It’s just one of those days
You feel accomplished and have woken up,
Just to see that sunset.
Its brilliant spectrum,
Setting fire to the skyline.
To watch clouds,
bobbing in the flawless blue sky.
Spending time daydreaming in the sun.
With the wind blowing through your hair,
And the warmth of the sun on your cheek.
listening to the growling thunder,
In the dark of night.
To enjoy the sea breeze,
As you hang your feet over the edge of the dock.
Spending time with friends on the best days,
When the sun is high
When clouds drift by quietly.
In the rainy thunderstorms,
When the thunder growls.
Smelling the ocean,
And to wake up early together to celebrate the sunrise.

a moment in nature

[wariswon]

Natari13

Together
It’s just one of those days
You feel accomplished and have woken up,
Just to see that sunset.
Its brilliant spectrum,
Setting fire to the skyline.
To watch clouds,
bobbing in the flawless blue sky.
Spending time daydreaming in the sun.
With the wind blowing through your hair,
And the warmth of the sun on your cheek.
listening to the growling thunder,
In the dark of night.
To enjoy the sea breeze,
As you hang your feet over the edge of the dock.
Spending time with friends on the best days,
When the sun is high
When clouds drift by quietly.
In the rainy thunderstorms,
When the thunder growls.
Smelling the ocean,
And to wake up early together to celebrate the sunrise.

a moment in nature

Lovely.

What I like:
It was relevant and revolved around a theme, which is always a good thing. Lots of figurative language, so there is a lot of character in this piece. I love the word choice. I love how you described the sunset in vivid detail. Overall, this is great. smile

Suggestions:
I'm not sure if this poem is in the best light in second person. It works, but maybe first or third could be another option! I'd like to see some clarification on the setting, even though you've mentioned a sea/ocean, etc. Where am I envisioning myself? On top of a sandy hill overlooking the beach, or in a forest on an island?

Also, this isn't related, but when I try to visit your profile, I am stopped and warned of malware. You might want to check out some of the content of your profile. : )

[Ze Kommissar]

M o o n k h i s t

What an interesting concept!

What I like:
I like how you used personification with the furniture and the radio. I wrote a poem like this before, all the furniture in my classroom came alive and started attacking people. surprised The language and word choice is pretty interesting, and isn't boring, which I like. I love the reference you made to Alice in Wonderland: "She had been as mad as three hats on a hatter
in a looney bin
in the middle of a dinner party; ". To me, that is the most poetic line in the whole thing. Very noteworthy.

Suggestions:
I noticed you have capitalized a few words that aren't names or don't begin a sentence. I actually like that "Radio" is capitalized because you are 'chatting' with the radio, which gives it more of a human quality. I'd like to see emphasis on the personalities of each piece of furniture that was given life. There are a few grammatical things, like missing commas, and you're a little inconsistent with rhyming, but I get it if not rhyming all the time is your style.

Thank you for the critique biggrin .
The idea with the rhyming is to be inconsistent, and not make a whole lot of sense, each chunk of text is meant to have a slightly different, but still crazy feel to it.