Pi's Form Challenge - Are You Poet Enough?

[Fasia3]

This is a really cool thread. ;D

I would join but I don't have enough time for writing right now.
Also, I'm afraid that I might end up with a form that I can't handle... but then again, that would be a great opportunity for me to learn.
For instance, I've been trying to write a villanelle for like 5 months now. Unsuccessfully. It's my favorite form but it's challenging even for experienced poets.
And I'm a beginner. OTL

[0-DCB]

Why is this so addicting!?
EDIT; emotion_awesome

River dances her
way through thick, burning canyons,
eroding mountains.

[Shou_Long]

I am getting involved.

Doctor Wu-Shu

Shadow-less mine the silent cave of zen
turning into the dancing flame of a candle
on top of the wax that leads to death
vein ink sunsets type, drawing on electricity
skinny hot corpses flesh bubbling mosquito
puddles full of circle, colors changing on the trees

The golden fires flame falling leafs of trees
No noise, no hot no cold, no pain, Zen
Two pincer fingers popping the head of a mosquito
An old hood snuffing out the dancing candle
Shadows in the Dharma pumping electricity
until blackness takes hold, the waves disappear & death

There are many ways. The way I am living is the way of Death.
No longer in the circle, with the trees
through the screen the villages and towney roads to electric city
Where essence will bring truth to the master, Who is Zen
Shou Long the light of eternal candle
freedom is a bottle, an albino, a mosquito

Master I woke up when the fingers pinched the mosquito
forgetting about legs, forgotten eggs, on the path to death
there were others, burning bright, one of many candle
the paths, the ways, the words, the worlds, seeds on trees.
There is a space where dreaming stops, that is Zen.
There is a street named deja-vu that leads to electricity

where nirvana is infinite dots, blessed Electric City!
The war is over and you didn't harm even a mosquito
you walk through the rain & do not get wet, Zen
you are at peace, Master in this life for death
realising the link between words and trees
as you become the flame on top of a candle

In the middle, then on the edges, being knowing, all is the candle
A million squealing worlds flicking through electricity
seeds & dreams & words hanging on the branches of trees
the test is whether you will sit back or attack a mosquito
all ways lead to death.
Complete and absolute peace. Zen

You are the candle. You are the mosquito.
Danger of death. Man struck with electricity.
Breath on trees. Who is Zen.

[Have Your Pi]

0-DCB

Why is this so addicting!?
EDIT; emotion_awesome

River dances her
way through thick, burning canyons,
eroding mountains.

HA.

But major points for addressing the one thing - the ONE THING - that aggravates me about "haiku" writers. Haiku are about nature. Specifically about nature. Syllable counts are fun and all, but these have a fairly defined purpose.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. heart

[0-DCB]

You're welcome. <5
I remember reading that haiku usually have some sort of "nature word," which is exactly what it sounds like. Apparently, human nature counts for some people, but that's slightly debated among some people.
There is another form of Japanese poetry that's similar to haiku called senryu. It's 5/7/5 but not focusing on nature. There's probably more to it. xD

Also, thank you for not saying "haikus" or "haiku's" for the plural. <5

[Shou_Long]

There is a theory that a Haiku has to be truth
felt known experienced or seen
and therefore is born from the moment

It could take many many years
to write one haiku

--- Of course if we are everything
you might suggest
you do not have to be outside getting wet
to see the water fall

[0-DCB]

So, you have to know about something in order to write about that thing? That's sort of a no-brainer and applies to every type of literary form. Even if you don't know everything about the topic, you still have to know at least the basics of it. For example, someone may not know much about the ocean, but they might know that it's big and full of water.

Therefore, no, it should not take anyone years to write one haiku. Maybe if they were learning Japanese and writing the haiku using the 5/7/5 kana rule, it might take them a while. However, haiku are short enough to where it shouldn't take more than an hour to write a good one. And that's really only if the poet wants the diction and other intricacies to be very precise.

[Shou_Long]

A second A minute A hour A day A week A month A year A decade A life time many life times a millennia a eternity - forever

I think Haiku are really quite magical and special
but that they are very rare
almost as rare as yeti's

(much rarer than diamonds)

and that not many Haiku
can be found on the planet earth

but when they are found
we are blessed indeed

---- It could take years to write a haiku -----

----- It could take more than a hundred lifetimes ------

It could take your child to be born and your wife to die - or all your possessions burning in a fire - it could take many lifes and many wheels - to be sitting at a table in front of ink and paper - and see a squirrel s**t from the branch of a tree - maybe even more - to be under the tree looking into a house then plop on head s**t has landed -

Quiet the mind
there is no need to wonder
if the universe writes
Haiku

Go out into the air
Act
don't think

There is only one Haiku

[illuminati was here]

This seems like something worth trying, I'll give it a shot.

edit - Burmese Climbing Rhyme, eh? I admit this is the first I've heard of it, but I've done a little research and it actually seems really interesting. I'm glad I tried this.

[0-DCB]

No, it does not take years to write a haiku. You do not need years of life experience to write a three line poem dealing with nature. Sure, your haiku may get better as you write more of them throughout the years. However, an amateur poet can easily come up with a haiku -- disregarding whether or not it's good.
Haiku are not rare. Inspiration for haiku is not rare. People writing haiku are not rare. Haiku are among the easiest form poems to write when it comes to the basics. What differentiates a master haiku poet from an amateur is that the master will be able to make every word -- every syllable -- count and add to the poem. That's what increases the difficulty level of haiku: They're so short that there is virtually no room for any sort of filler.

[Seraphine Holodore]

Hmmm... lots of forms I haven't explored, myself... not that we explored that many in poetry class anyway.
Sign me up, Pi!
I'd prefer exploring these forms in this thread... the fact that you'll be looking at them all is my motivation factor. :sheepish:

Now let's see which form I get on this roll...

EDIT: The haiku form?! Okay, I guess... was hoping for a double-digit form, though. From what I've seen online, the triolet form looks fun.

Research in progress...

EDIT 2: That was staggering (it's not merely about a nature theme; there's more to it, and I highly doubt I've executed it all - especially not a volta/contrast of any sort. If brevity is wit, then I'm pretty skint when it comes to haiku). Suffice to say that I hadn't written any literary haiku before this... now I've come up with two. What do I do?
... think I'll submit the one that feels better to me.
*inhales deeply* Here goes.


In the Botanic Gardens of an Equatorial Country

Hot sun pierces through
the thick canopy of leaves,
makes its presence felt.

[Have Your Pi]

Ugh, okay, my bad. And a very long work week. -_- Time to play catch-up!

[Have Your Pi]

Shou_Long

I am getting involved.

Doctor Wu-Shu

I read this, I was checking everything about it, and somehow got interrupted mid-read. BUT I AM BACK. heart

Everything looks solid in the form. The choice of the word "zen" is a very tricky one, though, since it means exactly one thing and ends up being really inflexible. It means the notion of "zen" has to show up in every stanza of the poem without getting redundant or boring.

Quote:

The golden fires flame falling leafs leaves of trees

I have no idea if that was intentional or not. But this really should be "leaves." Especially because "leaves" becomes such a pliable word where "leafs" just sits there and sounds goofy.

Quote:

through the screen the villages and towney roads to electric city

Nice! I like the variance from "electricity."

Quote:

freedom is a bottle, an albino, a mosquito

What, no libido? wink

Quote:

Complete and absolute peace. Zen

You are the candle. You are the mosquito.
Danger of death. Man struck with electricity.
Breathing trees. Who is Zen.

I don't feel like this ending supported the rest of the form as well. The last "Zen" felt (as I feared) like a last gasp of needing to use the word more than natural to the poem itself. Then the last few words felt a little slapped together. The tone is consistent, but "Man struck with electricity" was a little halting and awkward.

But! I will not let that get in the way of a noble sestina. Prize to follow! whee

[Have Your Pi]

Seraphine Lunaire

In the Botanic Gardens of an Equatorial Country

Hot sun pierces through
the thick canopy of leaves,
makes its presence felt.

Ahaha, another victim of the critical failure roll. xd

I like it - and it certainly counts as a pass! - but poetically, I want a little bit more out of the last line. You've got piercing through a thick barrier, and I feel like the blow needs to finish. After all, what happens when a sword pierces armor? Heart stabbing! Bleeding! Internal organs lacerating! GOOOOOOOOORE!!!

So don't just say the presence is felt; make the reader feel the presence. Yes? 3nodding

But the prize is nonetheless yours!