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Username:MissAlice-Everlasting
Age:20
Link to edits/workshopped poem:http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/original-poetry-lyrics/i-need-some-critiques/t.79169873/
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Poem:
Ode to my Happier Place

In my hibernating mind,
Time moves awfully slow.
Like sluggish streams of honey,
Sticky, sweet and aglow.

I adore my dreaming mind.
The ground covered in snow,
flowers bloom in frosty months,
In their cloudy gray tones.

Oh my dear slumbering mind,
How I wish I could fly,
To your frozen paradise,
Above the trees that cry.

In my cold, uncousious mind,
I shall not ever owe,
Anything to anyone.
Where lonely rivers flow.

I always question my mind.
Why should I not display,
All my hidden intentions,
With no one to obey?

But...

Maybe, regrets come to play.
My sorrows come and stay.
When the Sun marks a new day.
Its back into the fray.
MissAlice-Everlasting
Username:MissAlice-Everlasting

Thanks!
FrostedMidnight's avatar

Dangerous Darling

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i wouldn't mind giving some critiques. the past, like, five i've given in the op/l have gotten exactly no response, which is sort of disheartening, so i'd love to be able to help people who are actually interested 3nodding



Some more crits for my entry would be most appreciated 3nodding

Nickels, Dimes, and Quarters
FrostedMidnight
Aged Cherry Twizzlers
i wouldn't mind giving some critiques. the past, like, five i've given in the op/l have gotten exactly no response, which is sort of disheartening, so i'd love to be able to help people who are actually interested 3nodding



Some more crits for my entry would be most appreciated 3nodding

Nickels, Dimes, and Quarters


Give this lady some crit!
FrostedMidnight's avatar

Dangerous Darling

11,400 Points
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Fizzlesticks
FrostedMidnight
Aged Cherry Twizzlers
i wouldn't mind giving some critiques. the past, like, five i've given in the op/l have gotten exactly no response, which is sort of disheartening, so i'd love to be able to help people who are actually interested 3nodding



Some more crits for my entry would be most appreciated 3nodding

Nickels, Dimes, and Quarters


Give this lady some crit!


Thanks Fizzlesticks! I've never actually played in this forum over much, and I didn't realize how difficult it would be to simply get some comments! I really appreciate the few that have taken the time to do so. How many critiques do you want before we can submit it?

And on a related note, I too would be happy to offer critiques to any of my fellow contestants!
FrostedMidnight's avatar

Dangerous Darling

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Fizzlesticks
<3


I was wondering since I haven't actually gotten any crits for my poem if it was ok to submit as is?
FrostedMidnight
Fizzlesticks
<3


I was wondering since I haven't actually gotten any crits for my poem if it was ok to submit as is?


Nope, sorry. You'd best edit it yourself (that's the key for the comp—I want to see progress from drafting) and/or try emailing some of the critics listed on the front page.

I'll extend the deadline, since it's all slow.
FrostedMidnight's avatar

Dangerous Darling

11,400 Points
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Fizzlesticks
FrostedMidnight
Fizzlesticks
<3


I was wondering since I haven't actually gotten any crits for my poem if it was ok to submit as is?


Nope, sorry. You'd best edit it yourself (that's the key for the comp—I want to see progress from drafting) and/or try emailing some of the critics listed on the front page.

I'll extend the deadline, since it's all slow.


I'll be honest with you and say I really don't feel this poem wants desperately for edits.(Not that I feel that I'm that good or anything, it's just I submitted a heavily edited poem. This is not the first version of it, nor the second...more like the 12th or so..) Perhaps I should try a slightly less pre-polished poem that I know will need some help?
FrostedMidnight
Fizzlesticks
FrostedMidnight
Fizzlesticks
<3


I was wondering since I haven't actually gotten any crits for my poem if it was ok to submit as is?


Nope, sorry. You'd best edit it yourself (that's the key for the comp—I want to see progress from drafting) and/or try emailing some of the critics listed on the front page.

I'll extend the deadline, since it's all slow.


I'll be honest with you and say I really don't feel this poem wants desperately for edits.(Not that I feel that I'm that good or anything, it's just I submitted a heavily edited poem. This is not the first version of it, nor the second...more like the 12th or so..) Perhaps I should try a slightly less pre-polished poem that I know will need some help?


There's a way around this: post your first draft as well, so I can see where the poem's been. wink
iSymbi

Link to edits/workshopped poem: It's here.


I can consider this a placeholder for your entry, but you've got to actually workshop and edit the poem first. A closed thread in the OP/L *does not* count as evidence that you've edited your poem.

You need to open the thread to feedback, edit the poem, and then return to the contest. I'll gladly accept your entry then.
Fizzlesticks
FrostedMidnight
Fizzlesticks
FrostedMidnight
Fizzlesticks
<3


I was wondering since I haven't actually gotten any crits for my poem if it was ok to submit as is?


Nope, sorry. You'd best edit it yourself (that's the key for the comp—I want to see progress from drafting) and/or try emailing some of the critics listed on the front page.

I'll extend the deadline, since it's all slow.


I'll be honest with you and say I really don't feel this poem wants desperately for edits.(Not that I feel that I'm that good or anything, it's just I submitted a heavily edited poem. This is not the first version of it, nor the second...more like the 12th or so..) Perhaps I should try a slightly less pre-polished poem that I know will need some help?


There's a way around this: post your first draft as well, so I can see where the poem's been. wink


You going to send in your poem with an earlier draft?
Fizzlesticks
iSymbi

Link to edits/workshopped poem: It's here.


I can consider this a placeholder for your entry, but you've got to actually workshop and edit the poem first. A closed thread in the OP/L *does not* count as evidence that you've edited your poem.

You need to open the thread to feedback, edit the poem, and then return to the contest. I'll gladly accept your entry then.
My apologies, i'll get to it right away, though i don't see the purpose in it.

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