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Awards!

cheerupemokid - Lincoln Park: 4000 gold

the former president snatched an AK-47 out from under his hat

Eros Mako- The Long Winded Neglectful Times of Weezer - 2000 gold

“Crackers… will probably.. Make us die… faster…”

Emergency Hammer - Untitled/Burton - 1600

Danny Elfman singing softly
An Oompa Loompa song


zero the last decepticon - The Bothan Spynet - 3000 gold

Interesting how you brought in Thriller/Beauty and the Beast references, but be careful when you switch in and out of dialogue. And you could have described Lisa Loeb some more?

demagoguery - Harry Potter loves Led Zeppelin - 2400 gold

Evil twins and lactose intolerance heart

((Doesn't feel like giving real critiques today. sweatdrop However, if anyone is interested in improving their parody poem, pm it to me, or post it in the OP/L and let me know))

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Deadline May 19th, then you're out of luck!

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Welcome to Felix & Sons Poetry and Avatar Contest, the place where you want to be if you want nine chances to win with absolutely no entry fees.

How can this be, that cat must be insane?

Crazy like a superdeformed sprite. Actually, in a past life I was the banking mule for a poetry guild, The Artist of Words (AoW). AoW was dedicated to helping poets improve, no matter what their level of poetic skill, a dedication that continued until that faithful day where bank, crew and owner had finally driven each other insane xd

After being kicked out with the rest of the crew, one-time owner, ArmorFelix, along with his student, Cauli, retained control of FelixtheBank and the little money donated to be used for contests and other good causes.

So what were you going to do with the money?

I said we should hit Peach in the head with a brick and dump his naked corpse into a ditch. Just kidding. She decided We decided to hold a contest, and not just any contest, the kind with themes that create interesting poetry! biggrin

So what are the rules for the poetry division cool cat?

Well, a long time ago, I used to frequent a place that held poetry contests on deviantart, it was called poetrehab. Poetrehab held contests that were based on theme rather than say, poetic forms, and also included different conditions on said theme to help you think outside the box. Just as an example, they might ask you to write a poem about cutting, but bar you from using the words "knife" or "blood," and by denying you the most obvious word associations, it's almost a given that you would come up with a more original/interesting poem.

So I thought to myself recently, why not do a contest with funny goth/emo themes? And I thought of five prompts for you to choose from:

1. Tim Burton orders coffee while talking like a leprechaun.
*Special conditions:
- Johnny Depp must rob a Starbucks.
- Cannot use the words "scissors" or "nightmare" or their plural forms.

2. Linkin Park does a concert with Abe Lincoln, in a park.
*Special conditions:
- Abe Lincoln must rap.
- You must include a "ticket booth" and a "toilet assassin."

3. Amy Lee plays Baseball. The Umpire is Beetlejuice.
*Special conditions:
- Must include the colors red, white and black, or synonyms of such colors.
- Cannot use the words "stocking" or "sandworm" or their plural forms.

4. Weezer has asthma and needs to get refills for their inhalers.
*Special conditions:
- Must somehow include a pair of black glasses taped up in the middle
- Must include at least two lines that contain ellipses (...) or a dash(-). One or the other, remember, you can't breathe!

5. Anita Blake buys a pink dress and decides to be princess. (Is she retiring from vampire hunting?)
*Special conditions:
- Must be timid at all costs, no matter what potentially butt-kicking circumstances may arise.
- A vampire must die, but only by accident, old age, or natural causes.


I'd say pick one of these to use as subject matter in your poem, however I'm going to include an option six. I realize that the possiblities for a funny goth/emo poem are much larger than this, so instead of picking one of these five, you have the option of creating your own and posting it here. It must include at least two special conditions, the must/must not include certain words or actions. Your prompt must be approved by me before you can enter your poem. Also, we reserve the right to use the three best prompts submitted in the next round of this contest, so that you do have some say in the prompts that appear up here.

Prizes! We have doubled the prizes to generate more interest.

Out of twenty slots, six will win. Judging will happen when all the slots are filled. You will be judged by none other than ArmorFelix, a regular of the OP/L, and Cauli, the young warrior cat.

Prizes for technical merit:

1. 4000
2. 2000
3. 1000

Prizes for hopeful underdogs:

1. 3000
2. 2400
3. 1600

Yes, that's right, judging will be done according to two sets of criteria, one set of winners will win due to their craftmanship, another set of winners will win due to their...uhh....ability to conjure an emotional response!

We're doing this because I don't want a contest that's biased for or against elites or newbies, nor do I want a contest where you have to consider the skill level of the judge before entering. I've seen contests around this forum, where technically good poems have lost, and I've also seen contests where three technically good poems have been entered and everyone else didn't have a shot. That's why we're having two winners circles, to eliminate unfairness and give you a better chance at winning, no matter who you are. ^_^

But I want to enter the avatar art contest!

Okay, okay, to make things simple:

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this is ArmorFelix.

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this is Cauli.

And we like avatar art. (You may draw ArmorFelix or Cauli) Again, there is no entry fee, and we suspect the prizes will go as thus:

1. 3000
2. 2400
3. 1600

And it may depend a little on how many avatar art entries we get, if we like more then three, we may award more money.

Besides drawing ArmorFelix, he'd also appreciate any drawings of Felix the Cat, with or without his sons. We can certainly award more money for helping to pretty up this thread. Okay, you can draw Freaky Peach too, just remember he's a warped lil' banking monkey.

???

If you have any other questions about the contest(s), just post them in the thread!

Affliates, Sponsers and Donators


Thanks to Major Domo for donating a March donation letter
Slots for poetry contest: (20 slots to fill, then we judge)

1. Emergency Hammer - Untitled/Burton
2. cheerupemokid - Lincoln Park
3. demagoguery - Harry Potter loves Led Zeppelin (weezer)
4. zero the last decepticon - The Bothan Spynet
5. Eros Mako- The Long Winded Neglectful Times of Weezer (In C Minor)

6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.

Entries for avatar art division (10 slots minimum to fill before judging, but we may take more entries.)

1. Deacon Nuno - Felix the Knight
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
'ellolovelies.
Haha. Lovely contest. I probably won't have time to enter (*is suddenly attacked by homework*) but I'll try to keep an eye on it. Good luck!
Cauli
'ellolovelies.


Cauli! heart

Hey, I just thought, should we have a minimum/maximum number of lines for the poem entries?

I'm thinking something like...

minimum: 12 lines
maximum: 40 lines

Yeah, and it shouldn't matter whether the poems are in free verse or a form, as long as they abide by a theme. And I'm usually pretty flexible in terms of theme interpretation, so be creative!
Sounds good. I know personally that after the first hundred lines I kind of start zoning out XP


And form? Puhlease- This is open to do what you want; but just as suggestion to people, try to make it work for you. If repetition will make the theme work better, use it!
Haha, yes! I picked the Tim Burton one, 'cause I'm a big Burton fan.

'Twere easy not to use scissors or nightmare...

Anyway here it is. Completely rediculous. Wrote it in ten minuts.

Burton in a Starbucks/
Before Christmas/
"Aye, can I pay with me pot'o'gold?"
Johnny Depp busts in/
Shelalie in his hand

"Gimme all the money!" says he/
"Or I'll go all Raoul Duke!"/
Burton Drinks his coffee/
Which he bought for 40 gold/

Danny Elfman singing softly/
An Oompa Loompa song/
The cashier hands to Depp the money/
Out the door, he's gone/

Burton in a Starbucks/
Can't belive what he did see/
"Did that lad just rob ye blind?"/
The clerk then answers yes/

Danny Elfman/
Synthysizing LSD in a Starbucks/
And conducting and orchestra/
And Burton's wearing green/
And/
Johnny Depp is that much richer/
You're entered! Good Luck! smile

(I think I should mention that Burton in a Starbucks could be one scene in a greater poetic tapestry, (Like he could walk out onto the street, a spaceship could crash into the starbucks, Barnes and Noble stock crashes, etc.) but the way you have it is fine too.)
I hereby enter and win this avatar contest.

Also, (disclaimer: not a serious attempt at real poetry. no revision. reading may make your brain bleed.)

Lincoln Park

Standing in line for the ticket booth at Lincoln Park
waiting to see Linkin Park, sing the songs
that wrench my heart
my poor lonesome betrayed heart
it wasn't even satisfied when the ground broke apart
and Abraham Linkin bursted onto the stage
and flew into a multi-line busting rhyme thrusting rage
that could not be caged or assuaged by any sense of dismay
from my misted glasses from the fourth breakup that day
and as old zombie Abe switched microphones from hand to hand
he laid down the mad flow skillz that were in fast demand
which was met with supply as he let the words fly
shredding apart that shitty band's career and making us ask why
why why? had we ever bought into such a shitty scene
with obscene leads and broken screeds of social angst
why be an angster when I could be a gangster?
now watching Abe jeezy makes my stomach queasy
with excitement, something in my pants is tightening,
better run quick to the porta potty
where I find something's going on naughty
and out from the pot breaks a toilet assassin
John Wilkes Booth trying to make an attack again
but the former president snatched an AK-47 out from under his hat
and blew JWB away with a ratta tat tat
and from there I went back to taking a crap
Entered you are! Man, I can't wait to see more entries, this is going to be a blast biggrin
xd Oh, I'm loving this.
Poetry entry coming soon!

Here is Felix the Knight:

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Nuno, you so crazy xd Entered! domokun

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