Username: Emma Kathleen
Line Count: 45
Title: Dear Sarah
I don’t want to love you.
I don’t want to hold your hand,
To kiss you in public or alone,
To listen to you share your “feelings”.
I don’t want to listen to your music,
To hang with your loser friends,
To have dinner with your psycho mom
And over-bearing dad.
I don’t want to be your arm candy,
Walk beside you in the hallways,
Grind on you at a dance.
You’re a really nice girl,
But I don’t want to love you.
I want to be my own person.
I want to listen to my own music,
I want to hang with my own loser friends,
I want to dance with every hot chick,
And not just you.
You say that being with you means
Well, I don’t want
I want to be me.
I want to be alone,
With my string cheese and
Cheetos, with my
Star Wars tees and
Grand Theft Auto always on
In the background.
Being with you would put me there,
In the background.
And I’m a forerunner kind of guy.
So get behind me or
Don’t come near me.
Because I love my Xbox and
So please stop Facebook-Friending me
Because I’m just going to keep blocking it
We broke up three years ago,
Broken wings and flitting sunlight
Don’t cry― I am here for you
As long as dreams exist― they shatter
And the pieces fall into your heart
When they cut me, I too, will bleed
But don’t cry― we were made to die
If this fragile light and glory
Turned in an eternal story
Would you not be bored?
Only if the things you love
From your bleeding heart are torn
Can you learn to cry
Spread your wings and learn to fly
Don’t falter― I am hunting you
Until these wings are drenched with blood
Until your heart beats in my hands
Bear the pain in your clipped wings
For― We were made to be destroyed
I am here,
‘Seeing’ you through the window,
Listening to the swirl of your hair.
What goes through your mind?
When you hear my name,
Lover, or friend?
Do you think of me,
Or am I merely a dusty shape in your memory,
Next to you?
Is it still snowing?
I cannot tell,
The world looks the same,
This room is so cold and empty.
All I can do is stare out the window,
Will you visit me again?
I hope before that horrible day
I can say to you once
That I love you,
Just like I was hoping
Before the day I told you
That terrible news
Were they crocodile tears?
It was snowing
The clouds were crying,
Or for you?
I am waiting
To walk in so cheerful
And tell me it’s Valentine’s Day
But I don’t know if you’ll come
I don’t know if I will get
My chance to say those words to you
I know today is my last day
My only chance
Is it snowing?
I cannot tell.
It all looks the same
Through these eyes,
These useless eyes.
I cannot tell
If the footsteps are yours.
If my message reaches you
When I whisper with my last breath
Yet I know
You will never arrive
The cheep satin sheets of the motel felt like a soft plastic under my mostly bare skin. The tacky paintings on the wall stared at me, reminding me where I was. None of it matters though, only one sound kept me on edge, only one sound prevented me from falling into a joyous state of blissful serenity; the ticking of the clock. The sound of each minute passing seemed to grow more frequent, like a cruel trick of fate. Dangling love in front of me, and then ripping it away leaving my heart to bleed. The numbers began to taunt me, laughing because they know it will only be another moment or two. It looked like it was only going to be one moment tonight... the dreadful ring tone of his cellphone sounded off. I knew before he answered who it was, it was her. The other woman. In most cases though, I would be considered “The other woman.” The mistress, the family-dividing whore, a low life disgrace. But it's not like that, sure he met her first; but I loved him too. It is a horrible, gut-wrenching pain; to love a man you have to share.
“Jewel, I have to go.” His voice was stern, un-quavering as he spoke the words that would be the cause of yet another sleepless night.
His eyes didn't so much as flicker to me as he grabbed his black pants from the ground, brushing my shoulder as he walked to the door. My love-lorn heart took control of my motor functions, and reached my hand out to grab his warm wrist.
“No, Matt I love you.” I begged letting a few tears slip down my Shirley Temple cheeks. “Please, stay.”
“You know I can't do that Jewels, I'm married.” His voice was cold, it cut through me like a knife, twisting my stomach in pain. His eye-lids were shut firmly, he wasn't brave enough to see the tears on my face.
“I'm so tiered of being lonely, when will I be good enough for you?” The words I spoke were the very same words that I rehearsed in the mirror thousands of times before this. The same words that stopped me from getting down on my knees and begging him to please not go.
I've given him all that I have, and he gives all of his to her. I know I'm being used, I know I'm merely a distraction for him. But he tricked me. Tricked me into loving him, just so he could use me. For sex, for a thrill, for someone besides his wife; and I let him, because I love him.
His warm hand caressed my shoulder length blonde hair. Pulling me close to his muscular chest, wresting his chin on the top of my head. Tears now ran free, I couldn't fight it any longer. He broke me. I was in love with a man, who didn't love me.
“Please.” I begged. “Please stay with me.”
A few minutes passed, the silence remained unbroken, nor did I want it broke. If I could I would freeze time in this exact moment forever. Stay wrapped his warm embrace, knowing full well I was the main thing on his mind. His tender lips gently kissed my pale forehead as he pulled away from my arms. I kept my eyes closed, to frightened to see what he choose... who he choose.
Although I couldn't see with my eyes, the other senses betrayed me. I could hear full well the sound of the Sunday night rain growing louder as the old door creaked on its rusted hinges. The smell of the due soaked grass, and most of all. The loss of his warmth by my side. I took a step into the rain, not caring that me red halter-top and blue jeans were getting drenched. It was worth it. I loved the rain, because in it no one can tell when I'm crying. I took a few steps towards his car as it pulled out of the motels parking lot.
Six years passed, six years of a troubled uncertainty. Waiting for a call that would never come. I missed the sensation of his skin against mine, I wanted to feel his warmth again. But he choose her, the words kept replaying in my mind but it never truly sunk in. That is until, the last of the six years. I met another guy. Carter. I met him eleven months ago and I've been with him ever since. He made it official last spring, that we'd be together forever. He sprung the question on a gorgeous night in Paris. Now, the ring sits nestled on my finger, forever a reminder of whom my heart belongs to.
I took my eyes of the diamond ring on my finger as I crossed through the grocery stores automatic doors, my hair getting blown back slightly from the change from fresh air, to the slightly-stale air of the super market. I wanted to surprise Carter with his favourite meal tonight, after all... it is his birthday. After I scratched off a few items on my list only one remained, milk. So I walked down the dairy isle, expecting to find milk. But I found so much more than that. My eyes to busy to notice my surroundings as I carefully checked the list thoroughly. My free left hand though sure did notice something. I'd know that warmth anywhere, I could feel it strongly as my hand grazed his. I turned around while walking the opposite direction, my heart skipping a beat as my eyes fell upon Matt. He looked awful, he grew a slight beard, looking like he just plain didn't care. His hand was missing something. The gold band which used to taunt me so a few years back. Instead it left a paler shade of skin. Less tanned than the rest of his body. It was obvious that she left him, it was written all over his face.
He took a step in my direction, but instead of letting so much as a greeting escape my lips; I held up the finger my engagement ring was on. Then I left. I left the store with so much more than a few groceries. I left with a piece of my life I thought I'd never get back. It was strangely satisfying seeing that he got what was coming to him. Either way though I had closure, and now can fully move on with my life.