Want some real critique on this prologue

[Method1cal]

Its just a short Prologue, but its for my biggest project right now, so I'd like some real critique on it. You can't tell a lot about the story, or anything really, but I think its somewhat interesting and might be a good hook.

Anyway I want you to be as harsh as you can, I mainly want to make sure my writing style is too... Plain. Of course I want to make sure there are no grammar or spelling errors left in it either though.

Here it is: Dalkaira - Prologue.

[ParelyMe]

really good. you have an amazing style(: no lie. i wanna keep reading cause i dont know much about it, goal achieved for a prologue. congrats. your awesome. KEEP WRITING!

[Kaida Katze]

Why are you using this as your prologue? I could just as easily be the beginning of your first chapter. If you don't need a prologue to progress the plot of your story, you shouldn't have one. Personally, I skip the prologues and if I like the story well enough I'll go back and read it later.
You have a good sense of setting, which is important.

[Overfriendly Cat-zombie]

I really like your style, and the content was great! Some complaints though...
Right at the very beginning I was a little confused because you flick from past tense to present. "ruins now, still burned under once vicious flames, filling the air and the cloudy night sky with an orange glow. "
So there are ruins which are still burning due to flames that aren't there?
To me, it doesn't make sense, but heh, I might be wrong. Or, is it just "burned" that's confusing me? Is it meant to be 'burnt'?

I found some spelling errors too: 'guardian', 'panicking' and 'weird' were spelt incorrectly.
Punctuation needs a little sorting out, too. I noticed "Im" and "Lets". They need apostrophes because they are shortened from 'I am' and 'let us'. Also, when Kain mentions his age, I think it might have been better to have put 'fourteen' and not "14".

You asked for critique, you got it. Not that any of my old entries are the best things you've ever seen.
wink
Do write more!

[rai liu]

That's a nice story, but I don't think that's a prologue. You have some spelling errors and a few grammar error(s) but the story's fine.

[Fujiko1]

TskyoTai

Its just a short Prologue, but its for my biggest project right now, so I'd like some real critique on it. You can't tell a lot about the story, or anything really, but I think its somewhat interesting and might be a good hook.

Anyway I want you to be as harsh as you can, I mainly want to make sure my writing style is too... Plain. Of course I want to make sure there are no grammar or spelling errors left in it either though.

Here it is: Dalkaira - Prologue.

The very first couple of lines caught my interest right away, which is surprisingly hard to do. Well done. c:

The only problems I see are the few grammatical and spelling issues, which can be fixed easily. Your word choice is very captivating. Perhaps use a few more commas? I see some fragments in there.
Would love to read more =)
4/5

[Lady Lagomorph]

I definitely agree with everyone stating that your grammar and spelling need work. Besides the other things mentioned, you seem to have a habit of putting commas in places where periods should go, or a comma with a conjunction at least. I also think you should really consider changing the phrase, "It really was weird," near the end. The rest of the story uses words rather well, but weird in particular felt out of place to me. There are so many synonyms that don't sound as casual. That's a rather nit-picky thing, though, isn't it?

Other than that, you have the makings of a good story brewing there, and that's the important thing. Grammar and spelling are easier to fix than a poor story!

[Maeve Faylenn]

I think the way you have wrote this sounds like someone is telling me a story. The way you have it formatted and punctuated gives it that "story teller" vibe, if you know what I mean.

[animelover2364]

I really like it but I think you need to focus more on what he is feeling. I know it isn't in first person but describe a little bit more. What does it smell like? Can he practically taste the char on the air? Feel the smooth edges of the worn stones under his fingertips?
I really like your style, especially how you began it. Please don't change that part where you talk about the stones charred from the fire or something like that. It's really good. Just expand more, and create a world that we can taste, smell, touch, see, and hear. smile