~The Diamond Cross of Destiny~ ( NEED YOUR OPION PLEASE!!!)

[Kurai Diasuke]

Alright im writing a new story called ~The Diamond Cross Necklace~ and i need your to comment it at the link below please




http://www.gaiaonline.com/arena/writing/fiction/vote/?entry_id=101827231#title

[OneXMuerte]

How are you righting? What is that? I am sure none of us here do righting...you came to the wrong the place, boy.

[OneXMuerte]

Really? You can't cut it in writing. Learn how to write first without pictures and have proper sentences. Pick up a guide on writing so you don't look illiterate and want others to comment on practically nothing when clicking on that link. It turns readers away. Please, do not waste our time if you do not have at least the basics to write decency.

[Annie Felis]

Boy I hope if you really are writing something, you use a spellchecker. And employ a group of friends as proofreaders.

[Moniquill]

OneXMuerte

How are you righting? What is that?

right
  /raɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [rahyt] Show IPA adjective, -er, -est, noun, adverb, verb
–verb (used with object)
49. to put in or restore to an upright position: to right a fallen lamp.
50. to put in proper order, condition, or relationship: to right a crookedly hung picture.
51. to bring into conformity with fact; correct: to right one's point of view.
52. to do justice to; avenge: to be righted in court.
53. to redress, as a wrong.
–verb (used without object)
54. to resume an upright or the proper position: After the storm the saplings righted.


...I shall now proceed to assume the OP is standing up felled tables and chairs.
And hopefully literature? Somehow? Maybe the story was knocked over in some way and is now being righted?

[Ithreach]

not to be horribly mean, but... the spelling errors caused me mental agony! pick up a writing guide!! whatever that was did NOT make me want to read that. the title needs some work too and so does the story line...

[ashiro6]

ummm...don't want to be mean but your sentence structures seem a little off to me. Try making some of them shorter, if possible. I seems like a have a few semi run-on sentences going on.

[Kurai Diasuke]

Alright, your right I didn't spell check because I was in a hurry. I had something to do at that point of time. Nobodys perfect so don't b***h at me like you expect i'm ganna be Mr. Perfect because i'm not, so deal with it. Another thing yall are acting like little kids, damn guys Gaia is just a game on the enternet so quit bitching and act right. Some of you people seem just like a joke. Like i said it's just a game so don't take things so seriously, Moniquill is a perfect example.

[Jill2282]

Kizadia

Alright, your right I didn't spell check because I was in a hurry. I had something to do at that point of time. Nobodys perfect so don't b***h at me like you expect i'm ganna be Mr. Perfect because i'm not, so deal with it. Another thing yall are acting like little kids, damn guys Gaia is just a game on the enternet so quit bitching and act right. Some of you people seem just like a joke. Like i said it's just a game so don't take things so seriously, Moniquill is a perfect example.

Okay, 1. You asked us to take a look at it. If you post anything here, it's likely that we're all going to take it seriously because we take writing seriously. 2. Obviously you still didn't spell check because your response is riddled with easily corrected errors. If you're going to trying to make a point and seem at least semi-intelligent about it, it helps to use proper grammar and correct spelling ESPECIALLY when you're in a writer's forum. 3. Yeah, it is a 'game' on the internet (which, by the way, is spelt with an 'i' and not and 'e') but writing in itself is not. When presented in a way that seems to give off the pretense of not caring, you're the one who seems like a joke. Use your idioms correctly. 4. You asked for feed back. They gave you feed back. It seems like you're lashing out because it wasn't the feed back that you wanted.

Clearly, we don't expect 'Mr. Perfect,' but we do expect something when presented with a piece of fiction. To counter your response, because you accused us of acting like little kids, you immediately are the one acting like a little kid.

As for your story summary: I personally don't like the idea. What are the demons actually after, the necklace or the girl? The girl's name reeks of bullshit: McSaint? Really? When combined with the diamond cross, the Hell's Flames, and needing to save the earth, it has a strong sound of Christianity that, to be honest, a lot of people won't want shoved down their throats in a way that is so poorly written. The syntax of the entire thing is horrible and, if spoken aloud, holds a nasty ring in the listener's ear.

It might be the internet, but it is still a story, so I recommend taking everyone's advice and using spell check, even if you are in a hurry.

[Kurai Diasuke]

let's think about it.. umm?? READ THE DAMN STORY BEFORE YOU ASK QUESTIONS YOUR SO NIEVE. maby i didn't want to add that part in there and i said in there " corrections will be made" "please" you made your self look so stupied

Tramp_Guts

I don't get it. Why did demons and such only decide they wanted the necklace once she wore it? Why couldn't one just have strolled up to the park and taken it?

Plus, the name... 'The Diamond Cross of Destiny'? Please.

[bubbamubba]

Kizadia

Alright, your right I didn't spell check because I was in a hurry. I had something to do at that point of time. Nobodys perfect so don't b***h at me like you expect i'm ganna be Mr. Perfect because i'm not, so deal with it. Another thing yall are acting like little kids, damn guys Gaia is just a game on the enternet so quit bitching and act right. Some of you people seem just like a joke. Like i said it's just a game so don't take things so seriously, Moniquill is a perfect example.

Don't be ignorant. Can't you find another way to be unnecessarily angry without cussing?

[OneXMuerte]

You should stop making yourself look like an a**. The best thing for you to do is quit it and stop posting since the story or summary is deleted. No need to make yourself look like a bigger a**.

[OneXMuerte]

bubbamubba

Kizadia

Alright, your right I didn't spell check because I was in a hurry. I had something to do at that point of time. Nobodys perfect so don't b***h at me like you expect i'm ganna be Mr. Perfect because i'm not, so deal with it. Another thing yall are acting like little kids, damn guys Gaia is just a game on the enternet so quit bitching and act right. Some of you people seem just like a joke. Like i said it's just a game so don't take things so seriously, Moniquill is a perfect example.

Don't be ignorant. Can't you find another way to be unnecessarily angry without cussing?

There is nothing wrong with cussing when it relieves stress. Apparently, the OP is stressed since he did not get the sugarcoated responses of what he wanted. But you have a point with the 'Don't be ignorant.'