Poetry

[RockerKitty16]

Can you guys read this and tell me what you think about it? It would be very much appreciated, Thanks smile

http://www.gaiaonline.com/arena/writing/poetry-and-lyrics/vote/?entry_id=102639207#title

[Miz Lina]

The first line in your second stanza is grammatically incorrect. "No one seen" should be written "No one saw" or "No one had seen", although the former is better for your purposes, syllabically speaking. The last line in that stanza is syllabically weak, coming in too short to follow the line before it.

Your fourth stanza needs to be rewritten entirely. Poetry doesn't have the rhyme (I'll say it so you don't have to) but it does have to have consistency. If four out of five stanzas follow the same rhyming pattern, then obviously you just got lazy on the one that doesn't.

As for your subject matter, it's been done to death and is trite and not interesting to the reader. Very angsty. It reads like pity poetry, if you want the honest truth, and it's just not very original at all.

[RockerKitty16]

Thanks, I've honestly been waiting for people give me criticism on my writing, I'm tired of being told the same thing "oh it's good" or "you're a good writer" it doesn't really help me to achieve my goal of actually becoming a writer, so the truth is best. I will definitely work on it to fix the mistakes in it. smile

You just made my day mrgreen

[Miz Lina]

I'm glad to hear it. Best of luck with your writing, I wish you well on the journey to improvement (Don't I sound fancy).

P.s.- You are a writer. One who writes is a writer. You may not be an author, but don't let anyone tell you you're not a writer.

[RockerKitty16]

Thanks smile