Poetry: Review Exchange

[ShalomTheStargazer]

Okay, I seem to be incapable of getting people to read my poetry on the Writing Arena, so...I have decided to add a bit of incentive to people reading it. If you rate the piece linked below, whether it's good or bad, I'll rate the piece of your choice. Same deal with comments--an HONEST comment (positive or negative) for an HONEST comment. I get the feeling a lot of people have this problem, but we'll see.

For the record...here is the Gaia version of the poem. The original version (which I could not post because of spacing issues) is right here.

So, my questions that I'd like comments to answer are...

1. What do YOU think of the poem--is the original better, or the altered Gaian version?
2. Do you like the concept, what do you think the dolls in the poem really represent?
3. Do you understand what the event that inspired the poem was?
4. Is there any feedback you have on how to make this better/more interesting to read?

Thank you! 3nodding

[Fiaell]

I'm sorry you can't seem to acquire feedback, but perhaps it's your whelming excessive use of "she had some dolls" and "dolls" in general. I understand that is a part of your device, but it is kind of hard to read without quickly becoming agitated and closing the tab.

I only read the first three lines. I"m sorry. sad