Poem. Feedback, any is Welcome&Apreciated

[iAmYourSeduction]

Your in my head and you've got my heart.
Even if you played me from the very start.
Time is passing us by while we slowly drift apart.
I dread the day that will mark the end of us


This is and old poem, decided it needed some fixing. Was looking for ideas, feedback. Ect.

[iAmYourSeduction]

Bump

[Kairi Nightingale]

Please don't bump unless your topic falls off the first page. This is an extremely (and I mean EXTREMELY) slow forum. Trust me, your topic is gonna be up here for at least a month before you have to even think about bumping.

With that said, we don't get much traffic in here and as I have no experience with critiquing poetry, may I suggest trying to post it in the poetry sub-forum? You'll probably have better luck there. ^.^

Good luck with your writing!