New short story -- need critiques.

[purple_artemis00]

I just posted a new short story in the fiction arena. Give it a read and let me know what you think.

Link below.

http://www.gaiaonline.com/arena/writing/fiction/vote/?entry_id=100957411

[SweetSaiyuri]

I like it, can't wait to see what happens next =D

[CapnYoshii]

.:.[.::.:.::.].:.

I'll read yours if you read mines; Rawr!

.:.[.::.:.::.].:.