Needs Help on a Introduction!!

[JennNyan]

Here is my introductory paragraph about the question "Is Bias A Bad Thing?"

Bias: Belief in one way; partiality. Favoring one side over another, a decision that was partial to the defendant. Given the definition of the prevailing word, bias, we can easily tell that bias is what gives us the rights of our own opinions, ideas, beliefs, and values. But does that mean bias is a bad thing? No...To be human, we need to have our own values and beliefs. Therefore, I would assume bias to be a reputable and valuable concept for each and everyone of us.

Did I use proper word choice? Include a good hook? Sentence fluency? Conventions? Ideas? Organization? Voice? Please help me out with this paragraph! heart

[Kairi Nightingale]

I feel like you may have overused the word 'bias' a bit.

"Given the definition, we can easily tell that bias is what gives us the rights of our own opinion, ideas, beliefs, and values."

The sentence works just fine if you take out "of the prevailing word, bias", which seems unnecessary.

I would also change the definition to full sentences.

"Bias: The belief in one way; partiality. The favoring of one side over another. A decision that was partial to the defendant. "

Of course, that may just because fragments tend to bother me when not apart of written dialogue in a story. lol

The ellipses after "No" are unnecessary. Just stick with a period.

I would also expand just a little bit on how the definition reflects on the importance of bias as an aspect of being human... or something. I don't know, it just seems a little too short and abrupt to my tastes. But that's just me.

[JennNyan]

Kairi Nightingale

I feel like you may have overused the word 'bias' a bit.

"Given the definition, we can easily tell that bias is what gives us the rights of our own opinion, ideas, beliefs, and values."

The sentence works just fine if you take out "of the prevailing word, bias", which seems unnecessary.

I would also change the definition to full sentences.

"Bias: The belief in one way; partiality. The favoring of one side over another. A decision that was partial to the defendant. "

Of course, that may just because fragments tend to bother me when not apart of written dialogue in a story. lol

The ellipses after "No" are unnecessary. Just stick with a period.

I would also expand just a little bit on how the definition reflects on the importance of bias as an aspect of being human... or something. I don't know, it just seems a little too short and abrupt to my tastes. But that's just me.

Yeah i really though i overused the word bias too...thanks for the help i will defintly make those changes! heart

[Kairi Nightingale]

JennNyan

Kairi Nightingale

I feel like you may have overused the word 'bias' a bit.

"Given the definition, we can easily tell that bias is what gives us the rights of our own opinion, ideas, beliefs, and values."

The sentence works just fine if you take out "of the prevailing word, bias", which seems unnecessary.

I would also change the definition to full sentences.

"Bias: The belief in one way; partiality. The favoring of one side over another. A decision that was partial to the defendant. "

Of course, that may just because fragments tend to bother me when not apart of written dialogue in a story. lol

The ellipses after "No" are unnecessary. Just stick with a period.

I would also expand just a little bit on how the definition reflects on the importance of bias as an aspect of being human... or something. I don't know, it just seems a little too short and abrupt to my tastes. But that's just me.

Yeah i really though i overused the word bias too...thanks for the help i will defintly make those changes! heart

You're welcome. Good luck on your paper. smile