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BloodyAttentionJunkie's avatar

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Elizabeth Plays

I'd love so very much for a vote and and a critique....


Oh please be gentle...
I'll be gentle, but you realize that it's the harsh critique that will help you improve the most, right? Don't be afraid of a little sting from a critique. They are only words and can't really hurt you. Keep a cool head, an open mind, and look for the help and advice each critique offers.

First, do you mind setting your font to the default size and black as long as you're in the writers forum? You're post was very hard to read. Please and thank you.

A short summary in a post usually helps bring in more people who may be interested in your story. Granted, the arena forum is very slow with a very few number of people commenting. You're story may get more feedback in the original story/prose sub forum. Just a tip.

Anyway, you're formatting was very odd. Lots of unnecessary spaces and the dialogue and narrative were in odd places here and there.

The writing itself wasn't too bad. You had an occasional mistake here and there, but otherwise fine.

The concept was interesting... but I was put off by the end when she just started crying and ran off to her room. It really dismissed my interest in her as a character as it was a very weak reaction to something as simple as her mother telling her to quiet down. Even considering the lost of the voices and such... it was just abrupt. Such a big change and... I just couldn't sympathize with her when she did that. But that's just me. Otherwise I kind of like the whole image of her escaping into her own little world when she played her drums.

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