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Naner Wafer xU's avatar

Girl-Crazy Hunter

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I'd really love some feedback on my story I currently entered.
It's a story about a girl who loses her mother in a tragic event and wakes up a few days later...
I'm unaware of where she wakes up at, but maybe one of you will have some sort of idea for me.
It's a drama, I'm thinking about putting a little adventure/romance in there. >w<

You can find my story here.

Yes, I am aware of the typos that I made, but there's nothing I can really do to fix them now, I'll just worry about them later.

I also plan to get rid of "The sky was so heavily covered with darkness; anyone would have assumed it was night."

Anyways, please read and give me feedback, it's a pretty old story of mine. '09 to be exact. Haha. sweatdrop
Naner Wafer xU's avatar

Girl-Crazy Hunter

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//Patiently waits for feedback. emotion_kirakira
MrGoDComplex's avatar

Liberal Noob

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There is some areas where it needed work but oh well. Sad story. There is the part when it picked you up but some how you find a fence to grab on too. And than you said you couldn't grab your mom's hand but you end up holding her hand.
Naner Wafer xU's avatar

Girl-Crazy Hunter

6,150 Points
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  • First step to fame 200
  • Junior Trader 100
MrGoDComplex
There is some areas where it needed work but oh well. Sad story. There is the part when it picked you up but some how you find a fence to grab on too. And than you said you couldn't grab your mom's hand but you end up holding her hand.




AGH, I hate making mistakes like that.
;w; I'll be sure to fix it.
MrGoDComplex's avatar

Liberal Noob

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Naner Wafer xU
MrGoDComplex
There is some areas where it needed work but oh well. Sad story. There is the part when it picked you up but some how you find a fence to grab on too. And than you said you couldn't grab your mom's hand but you end up holding her hand.




AGH, I hate making mistakes like that.
;w; I'll be sure to fix it.

Out of the whole story you use mother but one time "my mum yelled"
I haven't read the story yet, but there's a couple things I wanted to address first...

Can you please change your font to the default size and black? I am having a really hard time reading your posts. sweatdrop

Out of curiosity, why can't you fix the typos?

Also, please don't bump your topic until it falls off the first page. It's a really, really, really slow forum. (Did I mention it was slow? xD ) So, it'll take a while before your topic gets off the top of the list, hence no reason to bump.

Anyway, I'll read your story when I have a little more time on my hands.

Edit: Can you please put extra spaces between the paragraphs of your work? You know, like how I have my post. I'm sorry, but I just can't read it like this. I keep losing my place. >.<

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