Feedback, plz?

[Semi Aquatic Mammal]

I wrote a short story about a girl with Multiple Personality Disorder, and I'd really like some outside feedback.
The entry is two versions behind what I have now in my files, but I'd still like feedback!

The link in my signature will take you there

[scared-and-dangerous]

i cant go to the link in your signiture maybe you should post your story here. i am really intrested in reading it it sounds really good

[Semi Aquatic Mammal]

here you go!

[EvetteC1980]

Your story was interesting to read. You developed the narrative well, and it was believable. I'd consider using the exposition to enhance the sense of insanity in sparing amounts. I really wanted to know what the character was feeling about the acts of murder her other personalities committed. I'd consider developing that as well. I can't wait to read more!

-Evette pirate