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There seems to be certain elements of fiction that make for a generally popular and highly rated story. Help extend on this with your own thoughts; these are just some things I've noticed.

1. Good Looking Characters (preteen girls eat up Edward whats-his-face from Twilight, so it works, no matter how dumb it sounds)

2. Death (morbid sounding, but if it's sickeningly sappy, people love it ex: Chicken Soup for the Soul)

3. Love (again with the preteen girls all longing for a hot romance)

4. Surprise (if you catch your readers off guard in a shocking/funny/touching way at the end, they'll think it's wonderful)
sister moon, be my guide
You're story might work, but I'm sorry. This is just my bias I guess, but I don't think writing is as simple as a formula. Writing needs substance, time, and effort. It's not just, characters? Check. Storyline? Check. Death? Check.
My point went over your head. Let me quote myself,
Quote:
that make for a generally popular and highly rated story.
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sister moon, be my guide

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