Worst Song I've Ever Written. Critique/advice? Thanks.

[xAmour et Mort]

I stare at the stone that marks her grave.
Thinking back on the beautiful smiles she gave.
She was the light of my hope,
Never deserved to dangle from the rope,
That they slowly tied around her neck.
Off to the home of angels she will trek.

You made her life Hell,
So she asked herself,
"What's the difference?"
She carved her answer with a blade.
Now she doesn't have to be afraid,
You'll never see her again,
She'll never have to feel any pain.

You all stand around and point fingers,
While hers is on the trigger.
I hope you know that you're the one to blame.
I hope that you can always carry this shame.
Maybe you'll even learn and abhor her pain.
She didn't deserve to have her smile taken away,
She didn't deserve to lose her life that day.

Flowers turn to flames,
As time fades away.
Surrounded by the crimson of her essence,
It's too late for forgiveness.
She's already lost her life,
She's already following the light,
Leading her to the gates of a better place.
And there she can finally be safe.
Her hourglass ran out of sand,
You're the one with blood on your hands.

[Klaark]

Don't most songs have a chorus?

Sounds like it wants to tell a story, but it doesn't.

[xAmour et Mort]

I don't really like having a chorus in my songs, I like each thing I add to be unique.

[Faaaap]

in my mind it seems pretty good but it depends on how u are like....having the music go with it

[xAmour et Mort]

It's a song with piano and vocals. Perhaps acoustic guitar and vocals in another version, i have to write some sheet music first. razz

[Faaaap]

Well I'd love to see it because I don't want to just judge it on the words.

[Beatus Sine Nomine]

It seems like if you put a chorus in it might tie things together more...

[Miz Lina]

I'd have to hear it to say for sure, but it definitely doesn't sound like a piano-and-acoustic-guitar kind of song to me. More emo-metal.