Want something to read? | recent posts | Forum

Gaia Forums » Artist's Corner » Writers

Report ad

Kittie_Cappuccino

(?)Community Member

Beloved Fatcat

Offline

Post: 94633593_1 created on Mon, 27 Oct 2014 22:46:52 +0000
Posted: Mon, 27 Oct 2014 22:46:52 +0000

Hello everyone!

I was wondering if their is anyone out there that would be willing to read the first chapter or two of my story, and just tell me what you think?

Its a a dark, paranormal romance that follows a demon named Zaccur Nox, and a few of his little adventures. The main focus is between him and a girl named Neiomi Carter, who sees right through his romantic lies, and creates what he considered to be a 'challenge'. Of course, father along their will be twists and turns and more of the truth will be uncovered.

Basically, I would like to know if my first chapters actually draws the reader in, and if it makes you want to read more of it.

You can read it here if you're interested: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3217647/1/Demon-s-Play

Thanks for your time!

Firlodge_3

(?)Community Member

Invisible Codger

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94633593_2 created on Fri, 31 Oct 2014 17:14:51 +0000
Posted: Fri, 31 Oct 2014 17:14:51 +0000

I took a very quick peek and oh my gosh, you actually have a decent grasp of actual mechanics of writing. Now, I know that doesn't sound like a very good compliment but it does put you way ahead the curve for Gaia Online. I'm guessing you read the stickies? Those two together easily put you in the top 30% of intelligence and politeness for Gaia Online.

There are a few sentences that sound a little 'off' but nothing drastically wrong - would I be right in thinking that you're not a native English speaker?

Kittie_Cappuccino

(?)Community Member

Beloved Fatcat

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94633593_3 created on Tue, 04 Nov 2014 22:43:54 +0000
Posted: Tue, 04 Nov 2014 22:43:54 +0000

Firlodge_3

Thank you so much! I try my best to be polite to everyone here ^^ And I've taken a few writing classes, so it has helped quite a bit with my writing skills. Did you like what you read?
Ohh, what stickies? Should I read them?

I actually am a native English speaker, but sometimes I get a little carried away trying to come up with creative imagery. I'll have to go back and re-read them again to fix the mistakes.
Thank you for taking a look, and for the feedback! smile

SpecstacularSC

(?)Community Member

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94633593_5 created on Wed, 05 Nov 2014 19:12:19 +0000
Posted: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 19:12:19 +0000

Firlodge_3

Hell, that goes for fictionpress, too. You would be shocked how many people lash out over the littlest things and write like absolute fools - despite clearly knowing better, in some cases!

Kittie_Cappuccino

(?)Community Member

Beloved Fatcat

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94633593_6 created on Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:11:26 +0000
Posted: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:11:26 +0000

SpecstacularSC

Firlodge_3

Hell, that goes for fictionpress, too. You would be shocked how many people lash out over the littlest things and write like absolute fools - despite clearly knowing better, in some cases!

Really? I haven't explored much on fictionpress, but that really does surprise me! Why wouldn't people just support each other, and give helpful critiques?

Kittie_Cappuccino

(?)Community Member

Beloved Fatcat

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94633593_7 created on Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:11:57 +0000
Posted: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:11:57 +0000

9fpbo

It's good OP.

Thank you smile I'm glad it is!

SpecstacularSC

(?)Community Member

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94633593_8 created on Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:21:32 +0000
Posted: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:21:32 +0000

Kittie_Cappuccino

Really? I haven't explored much on fictionpress, but that really does surprise me! Why wouldn't people just support each other, and give helpful critiques?

Young writers who think they're hot s**t and don't want to hear otherwise, mainly. Tell them one word of criticism, boom - it's on.

Kittie_Cappuccino

(?)Community Member

Beloved Fatcat

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94633593_9 created on Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:42:43 +0000
Posted: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:42:43 +0000

SpecstacularSC

Young writers who think they're hot s**t and don't want to hear otherwise, mainly. Tell them one word of criticism, boom - it's on.

Geeze. I think if they took a writing class and maybe they would see how helpful critiques can be. I never would be decent at writing if I didn't listen to what people had to say.

SpecstacularSC

(?)Community Member

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94633593_10 created on Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:47:37 +0000
Posted: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:47:37 +0000

Kittie_Cappuccino

SpecstacularSC

Young writers who think they're hot s**t and don't want to hear otherwise, mainly. Tell them one word of criticism, boom - it's on.

Geeze. I think if they took a writing class and maybe they would see how helpful critiques can be. I never would be decent at writing if I didn't listen to what people had to say.

You'd think it would be that easy, but they'll fight you to the end of time for trying to tell them their work needs improvement! It's primarily people like them that give rise to sites like this one who take badly-done work and poke fun at it/nitpick about all the stuff done wrong, and that just goes to piss them off worse because now they know exactly HOW MUCH is wrong, and why.

Kittie_Cappuccino

(?)Community Member

Beloved Fatcat

Offline

Report Post
Post: 94633593_11 created on Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:55:57 +0000
Posted: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 22:55:57 +0000

SpecstacularSC

Ohh, I don't think I've ever seen this site. And maybe when those people get older they'll realize how silly they are actually acting. I mean, they wouldn't end up on sites like that if they just took people comments, and either make the changes or just say thank you.

I also, was wondering, what you thought of my story so far? I'm curious to know if people like the direction its heading, or if I need to do more with it.