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Hey there fellow fiction writers. Normally, I post over in the fanfiction forum, but I have been toying around with an idea I have had for about a year that actually came about due to a roleplay that I was part off at the time, and I have thus expanded it into the following plot bunny:

On the way back from a KISS concert in New Orleans, KISS roadies Jeff and Linda drive along a rural highway when their brother-in-law Keith needs to pee. Dropping him off, they wait for a while and when he doesn't come back, they go look for him. Lo and behold, they find out he has discovered an infant girl a few weeks old, nearby a fresh corpse. Worried that a possible killer is still out there, they take her to the nearest hospital where she is quickly shuttled off to foster care.

Four years later, upon returning to New Orleans, Jeff and Linda decide to check up on the infant they found. They learn that the woman raising her only feeds her charges white food and vitamins. As a result, the little girl they rescued acts in an autistic matter, despite the fact she had normal physical and mental development. Further research into the matter leads to dead ends, as the local officials refuse to explain the apparent misdiagnosis. They decide to adopt her, and after the papers are signed, they make a major discovery. After feeding a thirsty Amelia some cranberry juice, her autistic traits disappear. Going on a hunch, they begin feeding her a strict diet of colored foods. Sure enough, the autism seemingly goes away, except for the trouble reading social cues. On top of that, Amelia seems to know what is going to happen before it happens. But psychics are fake, right?

By the time Amelia is 13, Jeff and Linda decide it's time to set down roots and settle down in their native Dallas Texas. By now, a home schooled Amelia is eager to attend public schools., but is quickly bullied because of her naivete, wide-eyed innocence and her clothes. Heartbroken, she cries in the bathroom only to be comforted by another Aspie. Amelia is quickly introduced to the Odd Squad, a group of outsiders who stick together no matter what. After this, Amelia blossoms socially.

Fast forward to graduation from TCU, and Amelia heads abroad to Budapest to teach English to executives. One dull afternoon while grocery shopping, an unusually tall man makes an odd comment about Amelia's food choices. Angered, she asks what business of it is his, and he replies that it's just odd that a human would only eat colored food to assuage autism symptoms. Floored by this, she demands to know who he is but he only leaves her in a huff. Once she gets
home, she forsees her mysterious visitor will be making a return call...

That's all I have planned out thus far. Please tell me what you think, along with any ideas and other comments.
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Eh, I don't have much to say about the plot itself. I don't really see any big flaws, it could turn out to be a good story if it's written well.

But where do vampires fit in? Is the girl a vampire? I'm also curious on what you're going for. Is this supposed to be a horror story, or a coming of age story about magic and self-discovery, or what?
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marshmallowcreampie
Eh, I don't have much to say about the plot itself. I don't really see any big flaws, it could turn out to be a good story if it's written well.

But where do vampires fit in? Is the girl a vampire?



part vampire, the back story is that she came from a small rural community where vampires got married to humans and converted to Christianity, therefore giving up the need to drink blood. Over the centuries, the locals needed to eat red and colored food to survive, along with major sunscreen come summer. Amelia's birth father was a vampire doctor who was trying to find a way to stop blood-to-blood infection of HIV/AIDs and the local megachurch leader, who bribed all the local officials, was afraid they were doing the devils work, so he rounded up a gang of male church goers, got them drunk, and torched Amelia's town. Afterwards, said minister paid a whole lot of money to cover everything up and was the one who orginally labeled Amelia as autistic.
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What's white food?
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I_Write_Ivre
What's white food?


bread, plain rice, mashed potatoes with nothing on them
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RiverSong1984



part vampire, the back story is that she came from a small rural community where vampires got married to humans and converted to Christianity, therefore giving up the need to drink blood. Over the centuries, the locals needed to eat red and colored food to survive, along with major sunscreen come summer. Amelia's birth father was a vampire doctor who was trying to find a way to stop blood-to-blood infection of HIV/AIDs and the local megachurch leader, who bribed all the local officials, was afraid they were doing the devils work, so he rounded up a gang of male church goers, got them drunk, and torched Amelia's town. Afterwards, said minister paid a whole lot of money to cover everything up and was the one who orginally labeled Amelia as autistic.


Why does converting to Christianity make them give up the need to drink blood? Is it just a faith thing, and converting to other religions would work too, or does this story take place in a universe where the Christian faith is established to be true? Can vampires get by without blood even if they don't convert? If vampires can live off colored food with no need for blood, why would they drink blood in the first place? Just saying, it's a lot harder to take someone down and bite their neck than it is to go down to the local store to get some cranberry juice. Also, with the girl's father doing some bribing, are all the officials in on it? Do they all know that she's a vampire, or did they just take the bribe money? Why did the foster mother only feed Amelia white food? Obviously that means she knows about vampirism and intends to keep Amelia weak, but why? Are vampires all inherently dangerous? Now, if the officials do know about Amelia's vampirism, to the point where they see the foster mother's meals as normal, why would they adopt her out to people who don't know about vampires?

Also, just some other questions to think about. What defines a vampire in your story? They don't need blood to live, so you can't really use that. They need to eat colored food to function, which is interesting, but it still doesn't do much to separate vampires from humans. Same goes for needing sunscreen, again, it doesn't distinguish them much from regular humans. You mentioned that the girl has some psychic ability, that's a start. Do vampires live longer? Are they stronger or faster, do they have other super powers? Are vampires a secret that few to no humans know about, or is their existence well-known?
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RiverSong1984
I_Write_Ivre
What's white food?


bread, plain rice, mashed potatoes with nothing on them


Is there food that's another color?
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I don't quite understand how consuming colored foods (and converting to Christianity) would take the place of the need to drink blood. What kind of vampires are these? confused
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SilverRinehart66
I don't quite understand how consuming colored foods (and converting to Christianity) would take the place of the need to drink blood. What kind of vampires are these? confused


There are delis that supply blood in some regions (not human). Wouldn't that, or at least raw meat work?
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SilverRinehart66
I don't quite understand how consuming colored foods (and converting to Christianity) would take the place of the need to drink blood. What kind of vampires are these? confused
At least they don't sparkle.
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I_Write_Ivre
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I don't quite understand how consuming colored foods (and converting to Christianity) would take the place of the need to drink blood. What kind of vampires are these? confused


There are delis that supply blood in some regions (not human). Wouldn't that, or at least raw meat work?

Yeah, that sort of thing would make sense. But cranberry juice? Sure it's red, but it doesn't exactly have the same properties of blood now, does it? razz
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marshmallowcreampie
Eh, I don't have much to say about the plot itself. I don't really see any big flaws, it could turn out to be a good story if it's written well.

But where do vampires fit in? Is the girl a vampire? I'm also curious on what you're going for. Is this supposed to be a horror story, or a coming of age story about magic and self-discovery, or what?


supposed to be a little mix of gothic horror and self-discovery


@masrhmellow: Well, from the way the I penned it, vampires were descended from Lillith and as the centuries passed, more and more wanted to have their sins absolved if they had lived a pure life. Yeah, this does take place in a universe where Christianity is proven true, but the number that wanted to save their souls was only a few hundred, so they are the exception to the rule.
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SilverRinehart66
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I don't quite understand how consuming colored foods (and converting to Christianity) would take the place of the need to drink blood. What kind of vampires are these? confused


There are delis that supply blood in some regions (not human). Wouldn't that, or at least raw meat work?

Yeah, that sort of thing would make sense. But cranberry juice? Sure it's red, but it doesn't exactly have the same properties of blood now, does it? razz

I used to need to drink iron tea. Wouldn't that be closer?
RiverSong1984's avatar

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SilverRinehart66
I_Write_Ivre
SilverRinehart66
I don't quite understand how consuming colored foods (and converting to Christianity) would take the place of the need to drink blood. What kind of vampires are these? confused


There are delis that supply blood in some regions (not human). Wouldn't that, or at least raw meat work?

Yeah, that sort of thing would make sense. But cranberry juice? Sure it's red, but it doesn't exactly have the same properties of blood now, does it? razz



Okay okay, to answer everyones questions:

In my story, vampires have been a part of human society for millenia, but after the fall of Rome they disappeared into plain sight. In my story, they are ruthless demons that feed on the souls and blood of humans. Along the way, some vampires began to question why they were doing all this, and sought out answers. As they were the descendants of Lillith, there was no way for them to gain eternal glory. However, if their descendants renounced drinking blood and took up eating red food (symbollic of the blood they gave up and Christ shed for all sinners) and married humans, then their descendants would gain eternal souls. By the mid 1980's in America, only 500 of these Troika exisited, an anomaly amongst vampires. In the late 20th century, vampires were corporate players, drug runners, nightclub owners- feeding of the sensual and decadent lifestyles of the young and the outcasts. While all vampires have psychic abilities and are known about,....
more later
marshmallowcreampie's avatar

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RiverSong1984



Okay okay, to answer everyones questions:

In my story, vampires have been a part of human society for millenia, but after the fall of Rome they disappeared into plain sight. In my story, they are ruthless demons that feed on the souls and blood of humans. Along the way, some vampires began to question why they were doing all this, and sought out answers. As they were the descendants of Lillith, there was no way for them to gain eternal glory. However, if their descendants renounced drinking blood and took up eating red food (symbollic of the blood they gave up and Christ shed for all sinners) and married humans, then their descendants would gain eternal souls. By the mid 1980's in America, only 500 of these Troika exisited, an anomaly amongst vampires. In the late 20th century, vampires were corporate players, drug runners, nightclub owners- feeding of the sensual and decadent lifestyles of the young and the outcasts. While all vampires have psychic abilities and are known about,....
more later


But it still begs the question, why would they drink blood in the first place if colored food works as a substitute? The whole point of a vampire is that they live off the blood and energy of others either because they have a strong desire to, or because they need to do so to live. If giving up blood would give them eternal souls, why keep drinking it? What benefits does drinking blood give them?

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