Hubris17
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- Posted: Wed, 14 Jul 2004 02:17:24 +0000
Ok so this is my project i want to see what everyone think so far, I know there are tons of punctuation erros and all that im going to fix later but as far as the story and how it flows what do you think?
Tanis quickly rushed down the stone hallway towards the main hall, only moments earlier recieving a urgent summon from his father. He pushed open the two heavy wooden doors entering, His father, Colton and the king were standing talking to eachother excitedly turning too look upon him with a grim expression. He looked between the two of them a deep feeling of concern settling at the pit of his stomach, he had never see his father or the king look this distressed. "What is it?" he asked after a moment of silence. His father came foward his normally young features seemed dulled as if he sick or been without sleep for days. Tanis opened his mouth to ask again but his father shook his head putting a hand on his shoulder stopping him before he could say anything. Colton breathed in deep and spoke with a shacky voice "Your sister, she has been taken. We dont know by who and they left a letter..." he dug in his robes pocket pulling out a crumpled piece of yellow paper handing it over to Tanis with a slightly trembling hand. He took it looking only at his fathers face searching for some sign of jest before even looking at it. It read "Colton, I've taken your child Kately for the purpose of declaring war on your "kings" kingdom Nimera, at this point you'r probably wondering why your child would be taken to serve as a declaration of war. The answer is simple, the girl dies if you enter the battlefield which is soon approaching, I assure you. Your skills are well known and your face known by my men. If you attempt to find her, this will also result in the childs immediate and painful death. I'm sure you dont want the blood of your baby girl on your hands do you? Once I have reached victory, your child will be returned to you under the condition you pledge total allegiance to me. These are the terms and they are not negotiable. The next few months will be a difficult time for you I just hope you can keep a level head and dont make any rash decisions. Tell your "king" to enjoy his remaining time as best as possible, its short enough as it is. Signed King Mikos of Tolmon" Tanis went over it multiple times not believing it possible, he looked up at his father shaking his head "This cant be real.., it just cant be"
"I'm afraid its very possible it certainly fits his personality, as you know I used to be good friends with Mikos. I grew up with him, but I left his kingdom to come here many years ago when I saw the lengths he would go to get what he wants. He has always wanted to control this kingdoms area, and with a chance to get back at me for leaving him so many years ago I am positive this is something he would do. All the guards in the castle are searching for her but she has yet to be found." he finished exhaling a great sigh leaning onto his son. Tanis sat speechless, it felt as if the very ground had been ripped from beneath his feet. Images of his sister and he playing in the castle flashed through his mind then gruesome images of her dead her throat cut, blood dripping down her body eyes open and frozen in a expression of fear and pleading. He shook his head banishing with great difficulty those images from his mind. "We have to do something, they cant be far gone dispatch a squad of soldiers with a couple of trackers on horses to track them down. Surely we can catch up and get her back before she can be taken to wherever it is they are taking her." Cholton shook his head dropping his gaze to the floor "The king and I thought of that son, the king dispatched his best trackers and they couldnt find any kind of trace. Not any broken twigs no horse or men foot prints, just nothing." he reached up gripping the bridge of his nose tightly. Tanis looked between the king and his father frowning in thought "How long has she been missing?" he asked. His father sighed his eyes avoiding looking at Tanis, "Four hours or so" he spoke his voice barely above a whisper. Tanis's eyes widened in disbelief a sudden rush of anger coming over him, he stepped foward forcing himself into his fathers eyesight "Why was I not told sooner" Cholton opened his mouth to speak but was interupted by the king finally deciding it was a good time to speak up "We were both afraid that you do something rash and rush off into the countryside and get yourself hurt, we wanted to confirm that this wasnt some sort of hoax before we worried you." Tanis wanted to object but upon thought he realized he most probably would have done that, gone looking for his sister without knowing anything and probably made the situation worse.He looked at his father wanting him to say it was ok or to tell him something to do but his father stood silent eyes downcast. He sighed frustrated, every fiber of his being was screaming at him that something must be done but he didnt know what after a few minutes of silence he turned to his father pleading with his eyes "Something must be done..there has to be something we can do" His father nodded solemn but a bit of his resolve seeming to come back "I agree, there have been reports of armies forming on this kingdoms borders. This must have been extremely well timed to kidnap a child and have a army in position within hours. This is no threat the kingom and Katala are in danger, but I dont know what we can do. I have no doubt that if i do act in this war she will be killed and tracking her down and saving her without notice is near impossible especially since we have no idea what direction her kidnappers went. Go back to your room, im sorry to have put this worry on your shoulders but you deserved to know. The king and I will try to think of something, I will contact you moment we know anything I promise. I want your word you will not leave this castle" Tanis opened his mouth to object wanting to say maybe he could help somehow but the sharp look his father gave him showed well enough that this matter was not up for discussion. After a few moments of looking in his fathers eyes Tanis nodded "You have my word" Cholton smiled obviously relieved reaching up to pat Tanis softly on the shoulder "go I will contact you the moment something is decided". Tanis noddedd, turning give a short bow to the king and left through the same wooden doors his robes swishing around him. The images of his sister dead back in his mind.
Tanis quickly rushed down the stone hallway towards the main hall, only moments earlier recieving a urgent summon from his father. He pushed open the two heavy wooden doors entering, His father, Colton and the king were standing talking to eachother excitedly turning too look upon him with a grim expression. He looked between the two of them a deep feeling of concern settling at the pit of his stomach, he had never see his father or the king look this distressed. "What is it?" he asked after a moment of silence. His father came foward his normally young features seemed dulled as if he sick or been without sleep for days. Tanis opened his mouth to ask again but his father shook his head putting a hand on his shoulder stopping him before he could say anything. Colton breathed in deep and spoke with a shacky voice "Your sister, she has been taken. We dont know by who and they left a letter..." he dug in his robes pocket pulling out a crumpled piece of yellow paper handing it over to Tanis with a slightly trembling hand. He took it looking only at his fathers face searching for some sign of jest before even looking at it. It read "Colton, I've taken your child Kately for the purpose of declaring war on your "kings" kingdom Nimera, at this point you'r probably wondering why your child would be taken to serve as a declaration of war. The answer is simple, the girl dies if you enter the battlefield which is soon approaching, I assure you. Your skills are well known and your face known by my men. If you attempt to find her, this will also result in the childs immediate and painful death. I'm sure you dont want the blood of your baby girl on your hands do you? Once I have reached victory, your child will be returned to you under the condition you pledge total allegiance to me. These are the terms and they are not negotiable. The next few months will be a difficult time for you I just hope you can keep a level head and dont make any rash decisions. Tell your "king" to enjoy his remaining time as best as possible, its short enough as it is. Signed King Mikos of Tolmon" Tanis went over it multiple times not believing it possible, he looked up at his father shaking his head "This cant be real.., it just cant be"
"I'm afraid its very possible it certainly fits his personality, as you know I used to be good friends with Mikos. I grew up with him, but I left his kingdom to come here many years ago when I saw the lengths he would go to get what he wants. He has always wanted to control this kingdoms area, and with a chance to get back at me for leaving him so many years ago I am positive this is something he would do. All the guards in the castle are searching for her but she has yet to be found." he finished exhaling a great sigh leaning onto his son. Tanis sat speechless, it felt as if the very ground had been ripped from beneath his feet. Images of his sister and he playing in the castle flashed through his mind then gruesome images of her dead her throat cut, blood dripping down her body eyes open and frozen in a expression of fear and pleading. He shook his head banishing with great difficulty those images from his mind. "We have to do something, they cant be far gone dispatch a squad of soldiers with a couple of trackers on horses to track them down. Surely we can catch up and get her back before she can be taken to wherever it is they are taking her." Cholton shook his head dropping his gaze to the floor "The king and I thought of that son, the king dispatched his best trackers and they couldnt find any kind of trace. Not any broken twigs no horse or men foot prints, just nothing." he reached up gripping the bridge of his nose tightly. Tanis looked between the king and his father frowning in thought "How long has she been missing?" he asked. His father sighed his eyes avoiding looking at Tanis, "Four hours or so" he spoke his voice barely above a whisper. Tanis's eyes widened in disbelief a sudden rush of anger coming over him, he stepped foward forcing himself into his fathers eyesight "Why was I not told sooner" Cholton opened his mouth to speak but was interupted by the king finally deciding it was a good time to speak up "We were both afraid that you do something rash and rush off into the countryside and get yourself hurt, we wanted to confirm that this wasnt some sort of hoax before we worried you." Tanis wanted to object but upon thought he realized he most probably would have done that, gone looking for his sister without knowing anything and probably made the situation worse.He looked at his father wanting him to say it was ok or to tell him something to do but his father stood silent eyes downcast. He sighed frustrated, every fiber of his being was screaming at him that something must be done but he didnt know what after a few minutes of silence he turned to his father pleading with his eyes "Something must be done..there has to be something we can do" His father nodded solemn but a bit of his resolve seeming to come back "I agree, there have been reports of armies forming on this kingdoms borders. This must have been extremely well timed to kidnap a child and have a army in position within hours. This is no threat the kingom and Katala are in danger, but I dont know what we can do. I have no doubt that if i do act in this war she will be killed and tracking her down and saving her without notice is near impossible especially since we have no idea what direction her kidnappers went. Go back to your room, im sorry to have put this worry on your shoulders but you deserved to know. The king and I will try to think of something, I will contact you moment we know anything I promise. I want your word you will not leave this castle" Tanis opened his mouth to object wanting to say maybe he could help somehow but the sharp look his father gave him showed well enough that this matter was not up for discussion. After a few moments of looking in his fathers eyes Tanis nodded "You have my word" Cholton smiled obviously relieved reaching up to pat Tanis softly on the shoulder "go I will contact you the moment something is decided". Tanis noddedd, turning give a short bow to the king and left through the same wooden doors his robes swishing around him. The images of his sister dead back in his mind.
