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This is a story of a land far from ours,
Where the prisoners run free, and the poor stay in bars,

Where there are pirates and sea caves of riches unsound,
Where those with none are put in jail where they're bound.

It's a story of a world where there are smiles all around,
Yet under the surface is a devil to be found.

In a kingdom where betrayal was encouraged to be reached,
Where dirty hearts were covered by shirts that were bleached.

Not only of crimes hidden by gold that were thrown,
But also of monsters with bared talons, fangs shown.

Sea monsters of bloodlust, and sirens of romance,
Of predatrous beasts that won't spare you a chance.

This dangerous and dark world is where it takes place,
A tale of passion and bravery that nevers fails to amaze.

Let's now start our tale from the events of the past,
Unravel and unwrap the warding spells that were cast.

The country borne in glory, luxurious of thick wine,
Filled of hopes and of gold as through night they doth shine,

An attraction to the seekers of thy holy sacred beauty,
And yet was hiding the darkest and most hideous of mystery.

Lancia was its name as it rolled out of the royal's tongue,
Along with the melodic lullabies that enslaved mermaids sung.

With architectures so gorgeous, who would've thought?
How far they'd go to attain the riches they sought.

A wretched society with the most pungent fetor,
Was what run the island city of what it's most famed for.

One day, an invasion! A degradation to ruins,
All planned by one man called a demon in flesh skins.

The people rebelled and the natives – they fought,
While the government went wild with the damage it brought.

The next day, they went back, to take rule, to replace
The stuck up old nobles with gold in their gates.

The rich was stripped off of everything they owned,
And so given off fairly as feed to the bones.

They ruled. They tyrannized. They took what they could see,
But behold one moment - what they gave was equality.

And yet the wealthy from before behaved as expected,
From riches to rags; no, they were not contented.

Compared from before, these were thrash, nothing more.
They wanted, they greeded for fortunes galore!

Soon after, war was waged between the two sides,
With the people as the horses of the nobles they ride.

The hierarchy came back from the grave and its clutches,
The people slayed each other to fulfill broken promises.

And when they spoke back to their rulers that ruled,
The rulers knew once then that the lambs were just fooled.

And yet when the voices had reached their peak from the bounds,
The rulers – they flinched from the horrible sound.

“We don't want equality, nor to be treated the same!
What we yearn for is money, social status, and fame!”

The feud between the two sides got out of hand,
And the cold hopeless war began to expand.

From Hysteria to Gali to the kingdoms in the West,
The rulers did what the mob hated the best.

The resistance gathered allies from the stronger nations,
Played victim to those innocent of the situation.

Now this little kingdom got the world involved,
In a conflict so large it could not even be solved.

They gained power, both sides, until they were sore,
Fought and fought until they were human no more.

Soon, a priest from the north offered a solution,
To counter the meandering world condition.

That is to divide the world into two parts alone:
Conquerors to West, and the Resistance to East Zones.

The boundary between the two was the place where it started,
Yet since nobody won, isolation was commanded.

The word of the proposal in the world became renound,
War crimes forgotten and ignorance resound.

Weapons had guarded and the gunpowder had smelt,
Both sides to attack anyone where anger was first felt.

Annes, Otmunta, and the cursed isle of Lancia,
For the sake of the innocents hung in the plaza,

For peace was once ideal before it was an agreement,
And love was once magic before it was torment.

The feud between two sides lessened through the years,
When history became just tales to cater to the ears.

Yet one day, rules were broken for the hope of the future,
A general and a princess in the middle of rapture.

Responsibilities cast aside, and hearts that are caged,
Forbidden romance before war was to be waged.

For this is a story of betrayal and trust,
Where feelings are tested and love was once lust.

A story not to be told in the comfort of a fire,
For here blood was spilt in the name of desire.

Where true love is your paradise as it is your death,
And holding on is as hard as taking your last breath.

Where people are greedy and wars are a mess,
And royals are selfish, generals no less.

Where anger is treasure and revenge a fantasia,
This is the story of the Kingdom of Lancia.

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It's well done, but I personally feel it falls too much into 'show, don't tell'.

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I see. What can you recommend I do? Even I myself thought of that when I wrote this piece. I apologize though. I am entirely a novice at poetry, especially story-oriented ones. This piece is my first try on it, so I do not really know what guidelines to follow and what should be and should not be.

Thanks for commenting smile

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bananamanaman
I see. What can you recommend I do? Even I myself thought of that when I wrote this piece. I apologize though. I am entirely a novice at poetry, especially story-oriented ones. This piece is my first try on it, so I do not really know what guidelines to follow and what should be and should not be.

Thanks for commenting smile


Either break it up or lengthen it. Either way, add more showing of the people and landscape. You don't even need plot, but give the reader more sensory information at least. What are the smells, the textures, the heat, the taste, etc of this place?

Breaking it up would separate things into neat chapters, but that's about all it'd do.
Eye opening. The reality portrayed here is what we all see but still refuse to accept.

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Thanks for the advice! I'll do good to take heed on it smile

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