[ Poll ] The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.		17.2%	[ 1691 ]
I add new things.		15.3%	[ 1502 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).		67.5%	[ 6627 ]

Total Votes: 9820

[Khalista]

Don't forget... dreams must always mean something important. They should either be prophetic or a means for a character to know what's going on back home.

Legends, no matter how old, must always be unfailing accurate. Same goes for prophecies, strange phrases uttered by fortune tellers, and the like.

[Tavreynya]

Raving lunatics always know exactly what's going on in terms of the larger plot/The Big Picture, and unfailingly become surprisingly lucid in the presence of the hero(ine).

[Trixa Pyswell]

You must NEVER write about humans. They're evil creatures.
Try making up your own species like; element girl, who posses the powers of fire and water.
Normal humans are dull. They're not any good. And if possible, they'll die in the story.

The old crush of the hero/heroine is bound to come back, to see the hero(ine).
And the hero(ine) will fall right back into love with the crush.
Of course the hero(ine) already has a wonderful girl/boyfriend and a succesful life.
But no children. They NEVER have children.
The main character cannot have children until the story's done.

[Smixers]

eh. well. I say, for a good story, do whatever the hell you want with it. What I use to improve my writing (not saying it was good to begin with), is...I read xd obviously. I mean, everyone knows what they like. To recognize what makes it a good peice of writing is a great skill. Incorperate what you find into your writing. I'm not saying to rip off another writers stuff (which happens so often it makes me want to pull my teeth out). Like...if you like how the author's style. What makes it good? Satiric style? Witty use of vocabulary? Plot is a whole different ballpark, as are characters. If you want to use a run of the mill mary-sue, its been done.

[Bookie]

The only stories that will ever get read involve two gay guys, preferably both with super human powers and a nice truckload of angst. Don't write anything but.

[radioactive alchemist]

Bookie

The only stories that will ever get read involve two gay guys, preferably both with super human powers and a nice truckload of angst. Don't write anything but.

Or write stories that invlove one gay guy and one straight guy, and the gay guy is unexplainably able to convince the straight guy to turn gay and/or just get in bed with him. And there must be many pet names and much moaning.

[Fiddley]

Always put your characters into an exquisite or at least functional house. No one wants to read about your character who has to live in a box! Make sure that house has lots of useful things that can be found in all homes. These things include, an amory, a large store of food, a water treatment plant- complete with it's own private river. Oh yes and a hot springs, everybody has a hot springs in or near their homes these days.

Always make sure you clearly define who is good and who is evil. Your readers don't want to get confused about who to root for. Evil doesn't need motives, and the only real motive your heroes need is their intense desire for justice and peace.

Revenge! A hero must always be out for revenge. Whether the bad guy killed the heroe's parents, torched their village, or ate their cheese sandwich. Revenge drives a story, and it's not over done at all. Besides, it's a great excuse for angst. And angst never gets old. Ever.

Make sure you load your action scenes with tons of passive voice and repetition. People can never get enough of passive voice or repetition. Passive voice and repetition are almost the greatest things in the world. Anyone who might not love passive voice and repetition must be crazy.

Remember, sex sells. So if you think your story is a bit weak on the characterization, plot, setting, dialogue, technical skills, and you find yourself spelling your main character's name wrong all the time; then you should throw a sex scene in there! Remember to always use fluff words and dedicate more time to the sex scene than you've spent on the rest of the story. People love that kind of stuff.

When your characters are shouting make sure it's the BIGGEST DEAL EVER!!!! Remember, the more exclamation marks and all caps words you have the more the reader will be able to connect with your character's pain. If your reader doesn't strain their voice and pop a vein reading dramatic dialogue, you're not doing it right!

[Bookie]

radioactive alchemist

Bookie

The only stories that will ever get read involve two gay guys, preferably both with super human powers and a nice truckload of angst. Don't write anything but.

Or write stories that invlove one gay guy and one straight guy, and the gay guy is unexplainably able to convince the straight guy to turn gay and/or just get in bed with him. And there must be many pet names and much moaning.

And let's not forget, one must be the man and one must act the woman, at all times and in every way. The joy of buttsex must never be known to your top, cause the bottoms just a girl with a d**k anyway.

Quote:

and you find yourself spelling your main character's name wrong all the time;

*cough* sweatdrop

[Gemini the Spy]

(awesome thread!!!)

Elves must ALWAYS be stronger than humans no matter how much the human trains.

Your hero(ion) must always be the strongest, smartest, and best looking. Everyone else has to stand around and do nothing but get into horrible trouble and needs the hero(ion)'s help.

All your characters have to save the world everytime. If anybody else ever did, that would just be wrong.

There must be some sort of phrophecy about your main character that they're destined to save the world and that's why they're there anyway. They can't have any other reason for existing.

Demons have to be evil and primitive. They can never be kind hearted or have an advanced civilization.

Villians have to be completely evil and know how evil they are. They have to want to hurt everyone they ever meet and be obsessed with killing. They can never have a single thought of kindness or a love of kittens.

Likewise, hero(ion)s have to be completely self sacrificing and always work for the greater good. They care about everyone more than themselves and are never selfish and out for themselves.

Every hero gets along perfectly. They can never have a single argument against eachother.

The main character's best friend MUST sacrifice themselves at some point in order to save the hero(ion) because only the main character can save the day.

[Tavreynya]

The hero(ine) is always a very motivated, directed person with definite goals in life and a strict moral code. They know exactly what they're doing and, by all that's holy, they're going to do it! Better than you!

[Gemini the Spy]

In stories about the afterlife, the main character MUST be an angel. Who wants to read a story about someone who might have been evil in life?

The hero(ion) must be completely strong and always knows what to do no matter what. They are all powerful and never get discouraged. And if that doesn't work, they break down in tears every few seconds and blame themselves for everything.

No one ever gets sick of happily ever afters. Who wants to read a story where everything doesn't end up perfect and better than anyone could ever imagine?

Earth must be completely all mighty. Every other world has to be a trash heap in comparison and its inhabbitents are never proud of their own world. They want to be just like Earthlings.

Neutral is bad. Every neutral character has to either pick a side, die, or be eternally hated by every other character.

The villian is only interested in killing your main character. None of the others matter and are the equivilent to flies. The hero(ion) must be the only important one.

Theives, pirates, and bandits are evil, no questions asked.

[Graceella]

-Everyone is either good or bad. There is no grey area.

-The rules of grammar are made for butchering.

-Research into the time period is never necessary.

-Big words will only make your reader confused.

-There is always some Old Mentor character that teaches the hero all he knows.

-The hero is always the prince of some far away country, abandoned at a young age for no apparent reason.

-The heroine is a strong woman who always sticks to her path, but she has sex with the hero the minute she sees him.

[Araia.Naishi]

- Make sure your main character is the best at everything, even weapons and magic they've never heard of. What's the point of having someone who can kick the hero/ine's butt?

- Never give your main character normal, practical talents, like laundry, cooking, or music. It makes them seem ordianary.

I'll come up with more later. xp

[Tavreynya]

Every main character should be able to play the flute, especially while sitting in trees. They should also have a beautiful singing voice, and they absolutely cannot be tone-deaf. End of story.

Any character who is blind must be prescient or have "second sight." Any character who is mute must be telepathic. Crippled or paralyzed people should always be telekinetic. I mean, really! Why would anyone want to read about a character with a disability that couldn't be overcome with a snap of the fingers?

[Araia.Naishi]

Bad guys must always meet at secret rooms in taverns.

Bad guys should always make massive stupid mistakes.

A story is not a story without a romance that makes no sense.

Undiscovered magical powers are a good thing.

Your chapter names must always be cryptic and mystical.