[ Poll ] The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.		17.2%	[ 1671 ]
I add new things.		15.2%	[ 1482 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).		67.6%	[ 6569 ]

Total Votes: 9722

[Lolita Doll]

Going off on the prequel thing:

-Never look back at your original work for reference. You're smart enough to know all your facts.

-When something in the prequel contradicts its predescesor, always give the excuse that a wizard/break in the time flux/the new villian/the Magical Book of Ravier is the cause for the inconsistency.

[Jasper Riddle]

Lolita Doll

-When something in the prequel contradicts its predescesor, always give the excuse that a wizard/break in the time flux/the new villian/the Magical Book of Ravier is the cause for the inconsistency.

When you do this, never actually try and tie anything in. Your readers will be fine just knowing that it's the villain's fault. No, you never want to actually have the villains say anything like "I changed this and this and this!!!1!" Just let the readers assume that.

[6GeMiNi9]

-None of your characters are allowed to have parents, all parents are dead or mysteriously disappeared somewhere, that or your main character(s) appeared out of thin air... or perhaps an egg. Somehow(who needs reasons?) they've survived through their childhood, learned that they've had crazy immense powers, learned to speak seven languages, and have great fashion sense... all in the 15 years since they've been born, in the wild. And when they meet civilized people, they are charming, and eloquent and everyone loves them and they can not only get around a huge city no problem, they use their survival instincts to find the baddies, rescue everyone and destroy the villain, because they have a FEELING that they've had a long angsty grudge against the person... for some reason. O_o;;

-Your main character, or at least the person they fall in love for, must be moody...silent, dark, mysterious, extremely good looking, and not open to people... a.k.a EMOTASTIC!!! But for no reason, other than that your main character is PERFECT they must open up all their emotions to reveal that a) they have run away from a life where they were expected to be something they were not(a prince/princess that is perfect and happy) or b) the villain murdered their parents, posing as a friend and this character cannot open up to anyone for fear of being hurt, anyone that is... except for the main character... whom they will ultimately at some point and time put their life on the line for... and probably say something really corny like "You're the only one who ever understood me" or "I've always felt connected to you, I love you" because I am emo. smile

-Avoid logic. Yes, that's a good one. NEVER, ever...EVER avoid making your characters fall in love with eachother, despite the fact that the evil villain is both of their parents. They were seperated at birth, and this bond that they've formed is love=thicker than BLOOD. Oh yeah. Insistry is a definite must.

(I'll think of more later)

[Rid V]

Ship captains, generals, and similar officers never delegate. They always have to be in the thick of things, no matter if its a routine scout mission, or a one-on-one duel, the woman/man/other in charge has always got to lead the mission/be their side's champion etc. etc.. They can never be satisfied with just running the ship/army/whatever, making all the tough decisions and all the important plans, they have to hog the grunt work, too.

((I have a main character who starts out as a middle-rank officer on a starship, he sees a lot more action than the senior crew that way.))

Whenever someone is sending a vitally important transmission, especially a distress call, they will always get cut off in the middle of the last part of the message, or in the middle of a repeat. The Law of Narritive Causality requires that this happen, even if the ship/base/whatever is not destroyed, or even if their communications system is damaged or jammed. The person making the message must always get cut off, one way or another.

[borderline_mary]

It is functionally impossible for the junior officers on a ship to solve any complex problems, with the occasional exception of plucky privates on their first assignment. The senior staff handle all crises completely, and any lower crew allowed in on it are usually best never seen again after it's over. Allow them to melt into the backdrop -- they complicate the plot too much. Basically, if your main characters can't solve it, it's not solveable.

[Rid V]

JesanaeTekani

It is functionally impossible for the junior officers on a ship to solve any complex problems, with the occasional exception of plucky privates on their first assignment. The senior staff handle all crises completely, and any lower crew allowed in on it are usually best never seen again after it's over. Allow them to melt into the backdrop -- they complicate the plot too much. Basically, if your main characters can't solve it, it's not solveable.

Right, and your main chatacters must always be the captain or general's senior staff, with the captain/general/other always the most important one.

((I know this one has gone into myriad times, but not quite in this detail.))

When a male and female are having an argument with no one else in the immediate vicinity, one of them will always be in the middle of a rant when the other one kisses her/him. I trust I need not explain further, although I will point out that if they ever argue again, they will never rant or get angry, they'll just be having differences of opinion.

And, any male/female pair who are put into a situation where they are either (a) alone together or, (b) forced to undergo contact that is in any way intimate, or (c) both, over an extended period of time, with eventually develop a romance, and this will be directly related to the events of (a), (b), or (c).

Now back to my favorite subject: In any male/female pair (couples, siblings, special agents, etc.) where the characters are of any significance whatsoever, the female will be the one to die, if one is to die but not both. If the characters are of little importance, kill them both, of course, but if you insist on it being only one, the male should be the one to die.

[Tis Mutiny!]

Religion and politics do not shape your character whatsoever. If she grew up with strict Catholic republican parents in a strict Catholic republican town and has had no exposure to anything else whatsoever, of course she can be a democratic Wiccan for gay rights! surprised your character's environment is about as relevant as the time period they lived in. Seriously, who gives?

However, if you don't know your character's blood type, preferred shade of turquois, and opinion on the use of floral patterns in interior design, you're in serious trouble. GO AND REWRITE NOW OMG.

[Astarael--Banisher]

Your character walks to the beat of their very own theme song. 3nodding

[blue_icicle]

The main female character and main male character always fall in love. And are happy together forever. That's just the way things go.

[x.Marsh[mel]low.x]

Any main character that dies, has to be brought back to life. How could the main character like with his/her self if they didn't?

If there's a major battle, of COURSE the main character will win. Because the opposition is greedy and evil.

Your main character must destroy the villain, but at great personal sacrifice, and right when he himself is about to be destroyed.

People can never just DIE. They have to tell the main character to tell their family that they loved them.

[Panamohnia]

Never create a female protagonist that is even remotely close to that of Hester Prynne or Edna Pontellier.

domokun domokun domokun

[Jasper Riddle]

Panamohnia

Never create a female protagonist that is even remotely close to that of Hester Prynne or Edna Pontellier.

domokun domokun domokun

Of course not. A girl with this great big scar running across her face? NOOOO! EVILLLLL! The boy will never fall in love with her! Personality? Why would you love anyone for that?

[Rid V]

When your characters know that there's something dangerous out there, and that's it's going to attack them, but they can't seem to find it, it's because the thing is always somewhere above them. The surprise attack always comes at them from above, and they never see it coming.

When introducing a species or organization or person that starts out as an antagonist, but ends up assisting your heroes, don't write them without changeover in mind. They start out as enemies, and that means they should kill their own on a whim, attack without mercy, and show no compassionate side whatsoever. They should behave this way right up until the instant that they even-worse enemy reveals itself, at which point the the former antagonists will instantly switch over into flawed but basically good character/s. Consistancy? That's just for losers.

[Mademoiselle Kit]

Rid V

When your characters know that there's something dangerous out there, and that's it's going to attack them, but they can't seem to find it, it's because the thing is always somewhere above them. The surprise attack always comes at them from above, and they never see it coming.

When introducing a species or organization or person that starts out as an antagonist, but ends up assisting your heroes, don't write them without changeover in mind. They start out as enemies, and that means they should kill their own on a whim, attack without mercy, and show no compassionate side whatsoever. They should behave this way right up until the instant that they even-worse enemy reveals itself, at which point the the former antagonists will instantly switch over into flawed but basically good character/s. Consistancy? That's just for losers.

In addition to that, there is character that is both good and bad. They don't ever work for the badguy unwillingly, but also drop hints so the good guy can defeat the badguy to set them free from eternal bondage.

They're either good, or bad. End of story.

And speaking of bondage, everyone knows the only way to make a good sex scene is to add in a whip, right? wink

[Rid V]

Whenever your heroes are investigating a number of people or groups or people who are making some sort of trouble, the wrongdoers will always be the least likely suspcts (if not the ones nobody suspects). Your heroes will at one point make a joke, referring to their investigation, and the wrongdoers total inability to have had anything to do with it.

((I'm rereading a very good book, and I suddenly stumbled over a part where one of the main characters suggest they leave the investigation to the weakest-appearing suspect group--who naturally turn out to be the evildoers. I'll never know how I missed that the first time. And it's such a good book, too.))