The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[Veive]

shumi rainheart

everyone hates irony. so stay far away from irony! it's very pesky and wastes your reader's valuable time. stay away from irony! 3nodding

((I love irony. I use it all the time, even in my RP characters. heart ))

Everyone is either evil or good. There are no shades of grey.

Also, anyone defined as evil likes to go around and eat babies and kick puppies. There's never a misunderstanding.

In fact, screw it- main characters with godlike powers are the most fun.

And the only weaknesses that matter are those that will effect your fight scene. Insecurities? Pfft, unimportant. Why do you think action movies do so well at the box office?

[Atreas]

When writing fantasy, do try to remember that every rule that applies to everyone does NOT apply to your character. Sure, everyone else has to climb the wall. Your main character (Timothythethumbusckerofdestiny) does not. Also, you may roll the 20-sided die for a "through wall teleport spell." If the number is 10 or higher, you can even teleport directly through the wall, regardless of how thick, and instantly kill anything on the other side with your super-powerful ninja and kung-fu attacks.

Also, your character can move his blade so fast that he can cut an enemy into 2000 tiny pieces in a single pass, then turn about and time his action so perfectly that the enemy falls apart just as he sheaths his sword. Be certain as well that when your character faces an army, the power of the gods are on his side. If they do not vanquish the army, he can fight them one or two at a time until all 20,000 of them are dead.

All the blows your character deals are mortal, too. If he scratches someone on the pinkie, they must pull back, wither, and fall to the ground lifeless. Also, your character takes nothing more than mere scratches if anything hits him/her at all. Because your main character is such a proficient master of weapons, he/she has no problem fighting all day, all night, and all next week to kill the army. And when your character is mad, he/she may extert his/her strength and shatter all armor, castle walls, or otherwise to get what needs to be done accomplished.

[Minion Ripley]

Out-of-place items are perfectly acceptable. Yes, you can have high-tech computers in your generic fantasy world. Yes, you can have swords in a futuristic, guns-only world. Yes, you can wear a corset for no reason in the 21st century. Yes, you can wear a showy bikini in the 1700s. The more out of place the item is, the better; it's cool to be a rebel.

Your characters may be as skinny as you want - even to the point of being severely anorexic - and they will have no ill effects. There are no such things as eating disorders in fiction.

More than 90% of the time, vampires, along with any other supposedly-evil creature that's remotely attractive, are only misunderstood at worst. It's always society that's in the wrong.

Serious injuries, such as losing a limb, will not impede your character's ability to perform actions and focus at all. The character shall not even wince since he/she is so strong! Conditions such as shock do not exist unless your character has just been told something absolutely amazing and/or horrifying, such as that he/she has to save the world from complete annihilation.

[Zonderling]

The only wounds that can possibly kill a character are in the torso, neck, and head. Who cares about blood loss? Who cares that, in reality, the nerve damage caused by a bullet through the shoulder would take months and months to heal?

[Lebki]

And in the fateful event that a main character does get a fatal wound, have them linger just long enough to tell someone else an important bit of advice, while the person says, "You can't die!" instead of running for help like a sensible person.

[x_haphazard_x]

Lebki

And in the fateful event that a main character does get a fatal wound, have them linger just long enough to tell someone else an important bit of advice, while the person says, "You can't die!" instead of running for help like a sensible person.

((OOOHH, I hate it when this happens. CALL 911, YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT!!))

[Faris Estellad]

Always... ALWAYS start with "It's a dark and stormy night..."

[Atreas]

Your character is a slave of destiny. If at any time your character feels compelled to do something totally out of character (like run off to the mountains and slay a dragon with a fingernail file), then everyone else lets him/her because he/she is controlled by Destiny or The Prophecy or is "Favored" by the gods.

[Atreas]

Faris Estellad

Always... ALWAYS start with "It's a dark and stormy night..."

((But Snoopy's still cool))

[Faris Estellad]

Atreas

Faris Estellad

Always... ALWAYS start with "It's a dark and stormy night..."

((But Snoopy's still cool))

((yeah. except for snoopy. forgot to write that ;p))

[Faris Estellad]

Have somebody ever write something using all of this guide? It sounds interesting, And looks like it will be a great story, really biggrin

[Pavement]

If you are writing a sci-fi story, there must ALWAYS be a "nerdy" techie who tutors the hero/ine on one piece of technology, then the hero/ine suddenly recalls their vast wealth of knowledge about technology that was completely obliterated from their minds by the evil government.

The heroine in a sci-fi story must always be amazingly sexy and the techie nerd must always fall for her, but then get spurned for the hero and devote their life instead to killing the aforementioned evil government and when they succeed, the heroine must always have pity sex with them as a reward. Because everyone likes nerd sex. No question.

If anyone says they don't like your story, punch them. Hard. They want to steal it for themselves and reproduce it under their name. And make the millions you should be making. Don't take insults, take action.

If and when you come across someone who is in the slightest way stupid, the hero/ine must help them along until they are smart enough to join the posse, which they will. Then they will fall off a horse [or unicorn] and die, because nobody liked them in the first place.

[Pavement]

Also, the hero/ine must smoke, no matter what time period or world they are in. And they must never die from smoking-related issues, and their breath is always minty and kissing fresh, which they do a lot.

[radioactive alchemist]

Faris Estellad

Have somebody ever write something using all of this guide? It sounds interesting, And looks like it will be a great story, really biggrin

I intend to. Possibly for NaNo in November.

If the setting is in the future, there must be cool cyborg enhancements.

[Faris Estellad]

Wow! Can't wait to read that biggrin