The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[Ophiucha]

Not that you should know the meaning of red herring, anyway. That would require studying English, which is just a bunch of boring books that are totally outdated. You're writing something fun for the hip, young crowd; don't bother learning about literary terms at all.

[lollipopsy]

~ If you can't write coherently, just shove a bunch of ******** and shits in there, and no one will ever know.

~ Who cares whether it's you're, your or whatever. Replace it with "ur" and ull nvr hav 2 lrn 2 spl.

~ Romantic couples should always have extreme attachments to each other. No matter how degrading or unhealthy it seems to be, it's what a relationship should be.

~ On that note, romantic relationships are always more important than those of the friendly or parental varieties.

~ Living vicariously through your character won't weaken the story at all. It just makes them more realistic, like the way they're unnaturally admired and beautiful while simultaneously being an outcast. 'Cause hey, it could happen.

~ Even if the girl can fight, the guy she's in love with should always need to save her.

~ Characters don't need to...
- put on weight
- go to the toilet
- menstruate
- crave pudding
...unless for comedic purposes.

~ No matter how s**t a character's life may be, they should still be able to pursue relationships with, and form healthy, life-long bonds to, other characters.

[Wyl Jaine]

((I just watched G.I. Joe.... it was like bad fanfiction come true. gonk ))

The leading lady would never hold a grudge against her true love, even if he was responsible for something awful happening in her life. And if she does, she's clearly under some kind of mind control by the enemy.

After a lifetime of a hot female character not believing in love for scientific reasons, it takes one silly character two days to break her of this way of thinking.

The female lead (who is working against the male protagonist, but only because of mind control) will stop in the middle of a fight sequence to reminisce about her former love.

If a character is in a bad enough accident, it will alter their character so completely that they'll be a completely different person--their voice and speaking habits will change, they'll become a heartless monster, and their values system will be totally reconstructed.

[Clare_N]

If you're stuck for ideas regarding what your characters should do next, shove a sex scene into your story. This works especially well if they are supposed to be on an important quest and don't have time to stop for anything, least of all a good ********.

[Mlle Shiow Jen]

Ludera

Mlle Shiow Jen

Esoteric Order of Dagon

Remember, your readers have no imagination, and mysteries aren't cool. You must explain everything several times.

Even if you must use a red herring, always use the same herring. Over and over. Especially in a series. No one will get fed up with the repititon or start to question your skills as a writer.
Bonus points if it turns out that after all the red herring bullshit that particular character turns out to have been a good guy the whole frickin' time.

Make sure the "red herring" is super obvious too, just to be safe.

Yes, have them wear black, have greasy hair and just be largely unattractive. You know the usual.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Use words like 'facefault' or 'sweatdropped'.

[Ludera]

lollipopsy

~ No matter how s**t a character's life may be, they should still be able to pursue relationships with, and form healthy, life-long bonds to, other characters.

((I kinda like the healing power of love thing though. ): Maybe a better way of saying it would be...))

No matter how s**t a character's life may be, their problems may be cured instantly when they meet their "true love." All the abuse she's been through and all horrible trauma she's experienced will conveniently evaporate when she kisses him for the first time. The past is the past, and it does not add obstacles to their relationship.

[EROTIC FLAPJACKS]

Ever head of the underdog?

If you haven't, it's obviously the guy that ends up helping your hero save the day, and make sure you make it obvious use foreshadowing, so your readers don't expect it will be him.

And underdogs are always wimpy little nerds. (The wimpiest, the more unexpecting it will be)

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Put an exclamation mark after ever plot point so the readers notice them.

[Firlodge_the_second]

Why limit yourself?! Exclamation Marks are there to mark a sentence as important! You are such an unbridled genius that every sentence that you come out with is the HOLY TRUTH! Even if you pulled it out of your a**!

Every sentence?! Every! Single! Word!!!!!!

[Clare_N]

And why only use one exclamation mark? Everyone loves it when a sentence has a string of exclamation marks at the end, like so:

Quote:

He was soooooooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It doesn't look stupid or childish. Nor will anyone mind if you forget to press down on the Shift key once in a while, causing random 1s to appear. And, while you're at it, why not go the whole hog and cause the page to stretch?

[Deathly_Beloved]

Be sure that your female lead is 'totally and forever in love' with someone new every week--better yet, make it ever two days!

Her friends can never get even slightly annoyed with her constantly talking about how she is going to have his children and whatnot. It's not like they would ever dream of b***h slapping someone as awesome and beautiful as her, that'd just be blasphemy.

Also, remember that microsoft does indeed not know how to spell. 'Cuz tlking lik3 this is SO lit3ra1. Spell check is outdated.

[Firlodge_the_second]

Clare_N

And why only use one exclamation mark? Everyone loves it when a sentence has a string of exclamation marks at the end, like so:

Quote:

He was soooooooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It doesn't look stupid or childish. Nor will anyone mind if you forget to press down on the Shift key once in a while, causing random 1s to appear. And, while you're at it, why not go the whole hog and cause the page to stretch?

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS

!!1!!!1!!!1!!1!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!1!!1!!!!111!!!1111!!!11!!!!!!1111!!!!11!!111!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!


Right?

[Ebil-NekoCat]

Firlodge_the_second

Clare_N

And why only use one exclamation mark? Everyone loves it when a sentence has a string of exclamation marks at the end, like so:

Quote:

He was soooooooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It doesn't look stupid or childish. Nor will anyone mind if you forget to press down on the Shift key once in a while, causing random 1s to appear. And, while you're at it, why not go the whole hog and cause the page to stretch?

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS

!!1!!!1!!!1!!1!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!1!!1!!!!111!!!1111!!!11!!!!!!1111!!!!11!!111!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!


Right?

Yes, exactly. If your writing doesn't look like that you're doing something wrong.

[DarknessofHeavenandDreams]

Ebil-NekoCat

Firlodge_the_second

Clare_N

And why only use one exclamation mark? Everyone loves it when a sentence has a string of exclamation marks at the end, like so:

Quote:

He was soooooooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It doesn't look stupid or childish. Nor will anyone mind if you forget to press down on the Shift key once in a while, causing random 1s to appear. And, while you're at it, why not go the whole hog and cause the page to stretch?

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS

!!1!!!1!!!1!!1!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!1!!1!!!!111!!!1111!!!11!!!!!!1111!!!!11!!111!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!


Right?

Yes, exactly. If your writing doesn't look like that you're doing something wrong.

It needs twice as many ellipses if you really want to be intriguing.