The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[DarknessofHeavenandDreams]

Talking does not take up time. Thus, if you have five minutes to stop the bomb, you can talk to twenty people about philosophy and the state of the world before proceeding.

[Harry Copperfield Dresden]

DarknessofHeavenandDreams

Talking does not take up time. Thus, if you have five minutes to stop the bomb, you can talk to twenty people about philosophy and the state of the world before proceeding.

or talk about these things WHILE you dismantle the bomb. Like a few paragraphs about a foot long is just one minute of talking. You character is talking like a gnome but everyone understands him and even responds in equally long monologues.

[marshmallowcreampie]

I am The Compendium

Magic or just plain powerful things are either good or bad. No one wants a morally ambiguous nuclear bomb or magic sword. That's just stupid.

This doesn't just apply to magic or power. It applies to everything! All characters must be either good or bad, say for that hot loner guy who seems to be on the edge but it really a good guy, and this is strengthened once the female MC gets to him with TEH POWER UV LUV!!!!!11!!!!!

[Ludera]

Lieriel Moon-Shade

Or their so sexy its like you cream yourself just looking at them. Not to mention that they despite being so sexy have only the interest in the frumpy girl. I mean no sexy and beautiful man wants to go out with a beautiful woman? What are you talking about? They only want the quiet ones. Oh and make those sexy guys have some tragic pasts. Thats always good. Plus puppy eyes, oh not to mention that they need to grow up a little. Now your appealing to all sides of a woman. Perfect male character. Period.

That makes me think of this for some reason.

[Harry Copperfield Dresden]

Ludera

That makes me think of this for some reason.

Oh that was funny. ^.^ rofl

[Harry Copperfield Dresden]

marshmallowcreampie

I am The Compendium

Magic or just plain powerful things are either good or bad. No one wants a morally ambiguous nuclear bomb or magic sword. That's just stupid.

This doesn't just apply to magic or power. It applies to everything! All characters must be either good or bad, say for that hot loner guy who seems to be on the edge but it really a good guy, and this is strengthened once the female MC gets to him with TEH POWER UV LUV!!!!!11!!!!!

Lets not forget they have NO idea what is happening around them. 'hey is that a unicorn?' 'oh gosh no! Unicorns don't exist' 'hello i am a unicorn.' 'pshaw! its just a talking horse, probably an actor.' stuff like that. Have YOU heard of magic? I think not.

[Esoteric Order of Dagon]

Lieriel Moon-Shade

marshmallowcreampie

I am The Compendium

Magic or just plain powerful things are either good or bad. No one wants a morally ambiguous nuclear bomb or magic sword. That's just stupid.

This doesn't just apply to magic or power. It applies to everything! All characters must be either good or bad, say for that hot loner guy who seems to be on the edge but it really a good guy, and this is strengthened once the female MC gets to him with TEH POWER UV LUV!!!!!11!!!!!

Lets not forget they have NO idea what is happening around them. 'hey is that a unicorn?' 'oh gosh no! Unicorns don't exist' 'hello i am a unicorn.' 'pshaw! its just a talking horse, probably an actor.' stuff like that. Have YOU heard of magic? I think not.

Because everyone is skeptical of everything, and when someone doesn't believe in something, they're just an idiot whose stubborn, and has no rational reason as to why they don't believe in magic, besides the fact that they're dumbos.

[Harry Copperfield Dresden]

Esoteric Order of Dagon

Lieriel Moon-Shade

marshmallowcreampie

I am The Compendium

Magic or just plain powerful things are either good or bad. No one wants a morally ambiguous nuclear bomb or magic sword. That's just stupid.

This doesn't just apply to magic or power. It applies to everything! All characters must be either good or bad, say for that hot loner guy who seems to be on the edge but it really a good guy, and this is strengthened once the female MC gets to him with TEH POWER UV LUV!!!!!11!!!!!

Lets not forget they have NO idea what is happening around them. 'hey is that a unicorn?' 'oh gosh no! Unicorns don't exist' 'hello i am a unicorn.' 'pshaw! its just a talking horse, probably an actor.' stuff like that. Have YOU heard of magic? I think not.

Because everyone is skeptical of everything, and when someone doesn't believe in something, they're just an idiot whose stubborn, and has no rational reason as to why they don't believe in magic, besides the fact that they're dumbos.

Or because somehow in their childhood magic ruined their life and they refused to even knowledge it. Or they can just be as stubborn as hell, and i mean STUBBORN. Take all the stubborn people in the world and multiply them by PI and then thats how stubborn they are. In fact they KNOW their stubborn and still refuse to do anything. In fact its not until they get blasted halfway into a concrete wall that they actually start believing in magic.

[I am The Compendium]

Remember:

Terrorism=bad and has nothing to do with how we founded our country or how people fought for religious rights centuries before.

Eco-terrorism=not a word. This is made up by people who eat meat and want to rape dolphins, which have never hurt anybody in the history of ever.

[avearia]

DarknessofHeavenandDreams

Talking does not take up time. Thus, if you have five minutes to stop the bomb, you can talk to twenty people about philosophy and the state of the world before proceeding.

Similarly, the world will stop while a dying character is having his/her last monologue. Even if they've been killed in the middle of the battlefield, everything within a six mile radius will come to a screeching halt to let the protagonist hear what the dying person is saying.

Once they're dead, only then can the enemies start the attack again. Simple manners, you know.

((My sister got Assassin's creed. Every single character you assassinate monologues for at least a minute before dying. Part of me wondered what it looked like to the guards while they did a long-winded dying monologue. "what's he doing? why aren't we attacking?" "The guy he murdered insn't dead yet, that's why.". The other part of me wondered how they were able to monologue at all after you shoved a fingersword through their neck...))

[Esoteric Order of Dagon]

avearia

DarknessofHeavenandDreams

Talking does not take up time. Thus, if you have five minutes to stop the bomb, you can talk to twenty people about philosophy and the state of the world before proceeding.

Similarly, the world will stop while a dying character is having his/her last monologue. Even if they've been killed in the middle of the battlefield, everything within a six mile radius will come to a screeching halt to let the protagonist hear what the dying person is saying.

Once they're dead, only then can the enemies start the attack again. Simple manners, you know.

((My sister got Assassin's creed. Every single character you assassinate monologues for at least a minute before dying. Part of me wondered what it looked like to the guards while they did a long-winded dying monologue. "what's he doing? why aren't we attacking?" "The guy he murdered insn't dead yet, that's why.". The other part of me wondered how they were able to monologue at all after you shoved a fingersword through their neck...))

((The monologues did not occur in real-time, nor did the assassinations. Each and every bit was a virtual-reality sequence encountered by the main character. It's a video game, about a man who essentially is playing a video-game produced by his genetic memory in order to find an ancient artifact. The monologue sequences were birthed out of the computer revealing what might have been going through the victim's mind at the time of death.))

[avearia]

Esoteric Order of Dagon

avearia

DarknessofHeavenandDreams

Talking does not take up time. Thus, if you have five minutes to stop the bomb, you can talk to twenty people about philosophy and the state of the world before proceeding.

Similarly, the world will stop while a dying character is having his/her last monologue. Even if they've been killed in the middle of the battlefield, everything within a six mile radius will come to a screeching halt to let the protagonist hear what the dying person is saying.

Once they're dead, only then can the enemies start the attack again. Simple manners, you know.

((My sister got Assassin's creed. Every single character you assassinate monologues for at least a minute before dying. Part of me wondered what it looked like to the guards while they did a long-winded dying monologue. "what's he doing? why aren't we attacking?" "The guy he murdered insn't dead yet, that's why.". The other part of me wondered how they were able to monologue at all after you shoved a fingersword through their neck...))

((The monologues did not occur in real-time, nor did the assassinations. Each and every bit was a virtual-reality sequence encountered by the main character. It's a video game, about a man who essentially is playing a video-game produced by his genetic memory in order to find an ancient artifact. The monologue sequences were birthed out of the computer revealing what might have been going through the victim's mind at the time of death.))

((realy? I didn't actually play the game, I just watched parts of it and helped my sister spot flags and such. I knew they were working with a 'genetic memory' of one of his ancestors, Altair, but I must've miseed the parts where the character's monologues were computer generated. It's weird though, because more than once Altair references those monologues in later scenes...

The assassinations ARE real time though, I know that, because it's implied that you're watching Altair's memories, and everything you see that isn't covered in blue actually happened. But who knows, as I said, I only watched not played. Probably why my willing suspension of disbelief was so easily penetrated. I noticed a whole bunch of oddities that could be used to make some really funny comics, though, if I wanted to draw 'em.

But I digress, I am off topic.))

[Retaya]

If you are writing a fan fiction, and you wish to pair two people together but have the pesky problem of a cannon pairing that one of the two is already involved in...there is a very simple solution! Just kill off the person who's in the way of your desired pairing! It doesn't matter how random, crude, violent or unrealistic the death is. Nobody will care! That character was stupid anyway.

EXAMPLE: You want to write a Zuko x Katara fanfic but of course there are the pesky cannon pairings of Aang x Katara and Zuko x Mai. Just kill Aang and Mai. Nobody cares about them anyway.

[The rad ranter]

On the topic of fanfiction, the best way to indulge your whims as an awesome author of amazingness is to write a cross-over. That way you can pick and chose your way through every single freaking thing ever, be it a book, a manga, a movie, even a song! Then, when you find the character most like you, you can make them hook up with the hottest guy in the aforementioned categories.
Cross-overs are always a good idea. Your characters will only be confused and frightened-to-the-point-of-shitting-themselves for one chapter. After that they get over it and have sex with various people.

[Clare_N]

And the more far-fetched the resulting crossover is, the better. You should also try to shoehorn characters from as many series as possible into your fic.

As for pairings in fanfic, you must have at least one OTP (One True Pairing). And you must defend that OTP religiously because any fic which deviates from it automatically sucks.