The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2292 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1951 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8852 ]
Total Votes:			[ 13095 ]

[FanFantasy]

The Phoenix Rises Again

Crack-Shot-Ace

The Phoenix Rises Again

There's only one strategy to warfare: attack the other army. The only strategy you can have is trying to get reinforcements.

You can't sabotage or ambush or lead another army into a trap. You can't cause a diversion (those are purely for keeping baddies from marrying the princess), use poisons or diseases, participate in sabotage, use civilian lives as tools to your own purpose, or use the media to get other countries on your side.

The only diplomacy allowed is the pretty healer girl begging the bad guy to realize its bad to hurt people and that its okay to love.

AND your main heroes MUST be able to fight off hordes of enemies alone, with little to no outside help whatsoever, dontcha' know.

No using the landscape or the castle (murderholes, aroow slits, etc) to your advantage. In fact, don't even raise the drawbridge.

And the villages and farms the castle defends are at least a hundred miles from the castle

Or raise the drawbridge after the hero gets in; his sidekicks don't exist after that.

[Brother Cynical]

The Phoenix Rises Again

Crack-Shot-Ace

avearia

Everyone in the world talks the same. No one has different ways of phrasing things. No one uses more eloquent speech than your MC, or less eloquent for that matter. No one has accents, not even cheezy ones. And no one, heaven forbid, has a different language than the Main Characters. It's too much of a hassle to make people appear different in any way other than their outward appearance.

Their cultures, however, may be as completely made up and unreal sounding as you wish. It IS your story, you know.

Remember 'sustainable culture,' 'public sanitation,' and 'mortality rate' are just made up.

Whoever says Mortality Rate matters is lying, and public sanitation is for losers. And your culture can change from a seemingly nomadic type to a warrior type as many times as you wish. And remember: the members must ALWAYS agree with their methods. No exceptions.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Crack-Shot-Ace

The Phoenix Rises Again

Crack-Shot-Ace

avearia

Everyone in the world talks the same. No one has different ways of phrasing things. No one uses more eloquent speech than your MC, or less eloquent for that matter. No one has accents, not even cheezy ones. And no one, heaven forbid, has a different language than the Main Characters. It's too much of a hassle to make people appear different in any way other than their outward appearance.

Their cultures, however, may be as completely made up and unreal sounding as you wish. It IS your story, you know.

Remember 'sustainable culture,' 'public sanitation,' and 'mortality rate' are just made up.

Whoever says Mortality Rate matters is lying, and public sanitation is for losers. And your culture can change from a seemingly nomadic type to a warrior type as many times as you wish. And remember: the members must ALWAYS agree with their methods. No exceptions.

Cultures are wither good or bad. Do we consider traditions, religions, the fact that we probably seem just as insane to them? No. That's all retarded.

Cultures spring up instantly anyway. History has nothing to do with how things are today, so it should obviously be the same for your made up world

[Brother Cynical]

The Phoenix Rises Again

Crack-Shot-Ace

The Phoenix Rises Again

Crack-Shot-Ace

avearia

Everyone in the world talks the same. No one has different ways of phrasing things. No one uses more eloquent speech than your MC, or less eloquent for that matter. No one has accents, not even cheezy ones. And no one, heaven forbid, has a different language than the Main Characters. It's too much of a hassle to make people appear different in any way other than their outward appearance.

Their cultures, however, may be as completely made up and unreal sounding as you wish. It IS your story, you know.

Remember 'sustainable culture,' 'public sanitation,' and 'mortality rate' are just made up.

Whoever says Mortality Rate matters is lying, and public sanitation is for losers. And your culture can change from a seemingly nomadic type to a warrior type as many times as you wish. And remember: the members must ALWAYS agree with their methods. No exceptions.

Cultures are wither good or bad. Do we consider traditions, religions, the fact that we probably seem just as insane to them? No. That's all retarded.

Cultures spring up instantly anyway. History has nothing to do with how things are today, so it should obviously be the same for your made up world

Speaking of worlds: It's okay to have at least one or two intergalactic battles ending in the hero's ship getting shot down to one random planet miles away with hostile residents. I'm sure ANYBODY could do a better job than Star Wars did.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Crack-Shot-Ace

The Phoenix Rises Again

Crack-Shot-Ace

The Phoenix Rises Again

Crack-Shot-Ace

avearia

Everyone in the world talks the same. No one has different ways of phrasing things. No one uses more eloquent speech than your MC, or less eloquent for that matter. No one has accents, not even cheezy ones. And no one, heaven forbid, has a different language than the Main Characters. It's too much of a hassle to make people appear different in any way other than their outward appearance.

Their cultures, however, may be as completely made up and unreal sounding as you wish. It IS your story, you know.

Remember 'sustainable culture,' 'public sanitation,' and 'mortality rate' are just made up.

Whoever says Mortality Rate matters is lying, and public sanitation is for losers. And your culture can change from a seemingly nomadic type to a warrior type as many times as you wish. And remember: the members must ALWAYS agree with their methods. No exceptions.

Cultures are wither good or bad. Do we consider traditions, religions, the fact that we probably seem just as insane to them? No. That's all retarded.

Cultures spring up instantly anyway. History has nothing to do with how things are today, so it should obviously be the same for your made up world

Speaking of worlds: It's okay to have at least one or two intergalactic battles ending in the hero's ship getting shot down to one random planet miles away with hostile residents. I'm sure ANYBODY could do a better job than Star Wars did.

((Um... what? Are we Talking 1 or 4 or 5 or the cartoon or something I've never seen?))

[Half Baked SF]

Crack-Shot-Ace

The Phoenix Rises Again

Crack-Shot-Ace

The Phoenix Rises Again

Crack-Shot-Ace

avearia

Everyone in the world talks the same. No one has different ways of phrasing things. No one uses more eloquent speech than your MC, or less eloquent for that matter. No one has accents, not even cheezy ones. And no one, heaven forbid, has a different language than the Main Characters. It's too much of a hassle to make people appear different in any way other than their outward appearance.

Their cultures, however, may be as completely made up and unreal sounding as you wish. It IS your story, you know.

Remember 'sustainable culture,' 'public sanitation,' and 'mortality rate' are just made up.

Whoever says Mortality Rate matters is lying, and public sanitation is for losers. And your culture can change from a seemingly nomadic type to a warrior type as many times as you wish. And remember: the members must ALWAYS agree with their methods. No exceptions.

Cultures are wither good or bad. Do we consider traditions, religions, the fact that we probably seem just as insane to them? No. That's all retarded.

Cultures spring up instantly anyway. History has nothing to do with how things are today, so it should obviously be the same for your made up world

Speaking of worlds: It's okay to have at least one or two intergalactic battles ending in the hero's ship getting shot down to one random planet miles away with hostile residents. I'm sure ANYBODY could do a better job than Star Wars did.

And despite falling thousands of feet toward that planet, crashing into it, and probably losing some pieces of your ship when they burn up in the atmosphere, your characters will come out of that crash with barely scratches and bumps on the head.

[Brother Cynical]

IB a Survivor

Crack-Shot-Ace

Speaking of worlds: It's okay to have at least one or two intergalactic battles ending in the hero's ship getting shot down to one random planet miles away with hostile residents. I'm sure ANYBODY could do a better job than Star Wars did.

And despite falling thousands of feet toward that planet, crashing into it, and probably losing some pieces of your ship when they burn up in the atmosphere, your characters will come out of that crash with barely scratches and bumps on the head.

And they'll somehow have a perfectly unscathed cache of weapons in the event that they have to fight anything whatsoever. And the rule about bad guys being stupid and unorganized shall apply to a race generations smarter than humans as well. Always. The hero induces foolishness on the evil.

Always.

[FanFantasy]

One a different subject, smokers have no health problems. No lung problems, no bad teeth, no nasty breath.

It just makes them look awesome.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

FanFantasy

One a different subject, smokers have no health problems. No lung problems, no bad teeth, no nasty breath.

It just makes them look awesome.

Smoking one ciggarette a year is the same as chainsmoking three packs a week.

[Brother Cynical]

FanFantasy

One a different subject, smokers have no health problems. No lung problems, no bad teeth, no nasty breath.

It just makes them look awesome.

And they can smoke as many packs as they want, at any time. Anywhere. Despite the signs.

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

Crack-Shot-Ace

FanFantasy

One a different subject, smokers have no health problems. No lung problems, no bad teeth, no nasty breath.

It just makes them look awesome.

And they can smoke as many packs as they want, at any time. Anywhere. Despite the signs.

There are no different kinds, either.

[Brother Cynical]

The Phoenix Rises Again

Crack-Shot-Ace

FanFantasy

One a different subject, smokers have no health problems. No lung problems, no bad teeth, no nasty breath.

It just makes them look awesome.

And they can smoke as many packs as they want, at any time. Anywhere. Despite the signs.

There are no different kinds, either.

It's always a generic red-and-white box of cigarettes you'd find in somebody's boonie helmet in war stories. ALWAYS.

((Wow, I seem to like the word always...))

[Ludera]

Cultures often remain basically unchanged for centuries, or even millennia. Clothing worn present-day will greatly resemble clothes the ancients wore (the ancients will have more elaborate designs though), and same with food, architecture, gender roles and stereotypes, recreational activities and so on.

Religion--both the object/s of worship and how they are worshiped--doesn't change over time, and if it does, it is always a movement towards secularism instead of a simple warping of values and beliefs. And the ancient beliefs are always the correct ones. If a country has abandoned their belief in the gods in wake of a technological revolution, it's not progress, it's idiocy, because the gods are real and will be pissed about it. If another religion has wormed its way in and the people are worshiping that one now, the new religion is false or evil and the one being pushed out is the true way to heaven. ((Strangely enough, these plotlines are just as likely to be written by atheists and agnostics as they are to be written by a religious person.))

[twilek_jedi]

Ludera

Cultures often remain basically unchanged for centuries, or even millennia. Clothing worn present-day will greatly resemble clothes the ancients wore (the ancients will have more elaborate designs though), and same with food, architecture, gender roles and stereotypes, recreational activities and so on.

Religion--both the object/s of worship and how they are worshiped--doesn't change over time, and if it does, it is always a movement towards secularism instead of a simple warping of values and beliefs. And the ancient beliefs are always the correct ones. If a country has abandoned their belief in the gods in wake of a technological revolution, it's not progress, it's idiocy, because the gods are real and will be pissed about it. If another religion has wormed its way in and the people are worshiping that one now, the new religion is false or evil and the one being pushed out is the true way to heaven. ((Strangely enough, these plotlines are just as likely to be written by atheists and agnostics as they are to be written by a religious person.))

There are no extremists in a realtively sane religion. Everyone is a 'BURN THE NON-BELIEVERS!' militant in whatever religion you don't like.
Islam is an easy target, since obviously they must all be crazy assassin American hating monsters who want to kick your puppies because you taught your puppies to believe in Jesus. *hint*DAN BROWN*hint*

[The Phoenix Rises Again]

If you're writing a fantasy or sci-fi (the two are completely different you know!) that is not a blatant political statement about immediate current events, you're a moron.

((Honestly, I call this 'putting on the political diapers))