The Anti-Guide

How do you try to improve your writing?

I try to avoid old, stupid things.	17.5%	[ 2253 ]
I add new things.	14.9%	[ 1923 ]
A combination of both (if one more than the other, pick it).	67.6%	[ 8707 ]
Total Votes:			[ 12883 ]

[avearia]

((as long as we don't bump our way there, I'd be GLAD to have this thread go that far. 9000 is so HIGH, though... is it possible?))

You always have to have dialogue, even in short stories. Make the dialogue as long and plain as possible, and don't have it go anywhere. Detail just gets in the way. Don't even bother to say who's talking, even.

"Hi!"
"Oh, hi. How are you?"
"I'm Hungry. You?"
"Yeah. I'm REALLY hungry."
"How about you guys?"
"I'm fine."
"Me too."
"That's great!"

You see what I did there? You can't even tell who's talking, It's so plain and obscure. You can't even tell how MANY people are talking! There can be 10 people in the room and we would never know. Stories like this keep the reader on the edge of their seat, trying to figure them out. try it sometime.

[Brother Cynical]

avearia

((as long as we don't bump our way there, I'd be GLAD to have this thread go that far. 9000 is so HIGH, though... is it possible?))

You always have to have dialogue, even in short stories. Make the dialogue as long and plain as possible, and don't have it go anywhere. Detail just gets in the way. Don't even bother to say who's talking, even.

"Hi!"
"Oh, hi. How are you?"
"I'm Hungry. You?"
"Yeah. I'm REALLY hungry."
"How about you guys?"
"I'm fine."
"Me too."
"That's great!"

You see what I did there? You can't even tell who's talking, It's so plain and obscure. You can't even tell how MANY people are talking! There can be 10 people in the room and we would never know. Stories like this keep the reader on the edge of their seat, trying to figure them out. try it sometime.

Yeah, don't help the reader at all, they'll figure it out. What else is really cool is when you write in script and put the wrong names in the wrong places! The readers LOVE that!

Like so:

Smart guy: Hur-dee-dur-dur, I iz speshulz!
Dumb guy: *Insert some high-intensity math problem here*

OR:

Ninja: Me? Sneaky? Nah, I heal people with an overly long and painfully obvious spell that takes me a full hour to cast in broad daylight.

Healer: I iz sneaky.

The readers will adore you!

[avearia]

Crack-Shot-Ace

avearia

((as long as we don't bump our way there, I'd be GLAD to have this thread go that far. 9000 is so HIGH, though... is it possible?))

You always have to have dialogue, even in short stories. Make the dialogue as long and plain as possible, and don't have it go anywhere. Detail just gets in the way. Don't even bother to say who's talking, even.

"Hi!"
"Oh, hi. How are you?"
"I'm Hungry. You?"
"Yeah. I'm REALLY hungry."
"How about you guys?"
"I'm fine."
"Me too."
"That's great!"

You see what I did there? You can't even tell who's talking, It's so plain and obscure. You can't even tell how MANY people are talking! There can be 10 people in the room and we would never know. Stories like this keep the reader on the edge of their seat, trying to figure them out. try it sometime.

Yeah, don't help the reader at all, they'll figure it out. What else is really cool is when you write in script and put the wrong names in the wrong places! The readers LOVE that!

Like so:

Smart guy: Hur-dee-dur-dur, I iz speshulz!
Dumb guy: *Insert some high-intensity math problem here*

OR:

Ninja: Me? Sneaky? Nah, I heal people with an overly long and painfully obvious spell that takes me a full hour to cast in broad daylight.

Healer: I iz sneaky.

The readers will adore you!

These are perfect examples, too, because it completely abuses the english language. If the reader can figure out who's really speaking, they can also figure out exactly what you're saying when you use incorrect grammar, spelling, or punctuation; "I iz shur that u waz here" is a dramatic sentence, and gets the job done. no, people won't be annoyed that every sentence in the book has double-digit spelling errors, they'll just be glad that it doesn't take forever to read.

Chtspk and 1337 also work, sometimes in tandem.

"1F U c4n r34d th15 ur a G3n10us!!!1!"

[XxDreamBigxX]

avearia

Crack-Shot-Ace

avearia

((as long as we don't bump our way there, I'd be GLAD to have this thread go that far. 9000 is so HIGH, though... is it possible?))

You always have to have dialogue, even in short stories. Make the dialogue as long and plain as possible, and don't have it go anywhere. Detail just gets in the way. Don't even bother to say who's talking, even.

"Hi!"
"Oh, hi. How are you?"
"I'm Hungry. You?"
"Yeah. I'm REALLY hungry."
"How about you guys?"
"I'm fine."
"Me too."
"That's great!"

You see what I did there? You can't even tell who's talking, It's so plain and obscure. You can't even tell how MANY people are talking! There can be 10 people in the room and we would never know. Stories like this keep the reader on the edge of their seat, trying to figure them out. try it sometime.

Yeah, don't help the reader at all, they'll figure it out. What else is really cool is when you write in script and put the wrong names in the wrong places! The readers LOVE that!

Like so:

Smart guy: Hur-dee-dur-dur, I iz speshulz!
Dumb guy: *Insert some high-intensity math problem here*

OR:

Ninja: Me? Sneaky? Nah, I heal people with an overly long and painfully obvious spell that takes me a full hour to cast in broad daylight.

Healer: I iz sneaky.

The readers will adore you!

These are perfect examples, too, because it completely abuses the english language. If the reader can figure out who's really speaking, they can also figure out exactly what you're saying when you use incorrect grammar, spelling, or punctuation; "I iz shur that u waz here" is a dramatic sentence, and gets the job done. no, people won't be annoyed that every sentence in the book has double-digit spelling errors, they'll just be glad that it doesn't take forever to read.

Chtspk and 1337 also work, sometimes in tandem.

"1F U c4n r34d th15 ur a G3n10us!!!1!"

Yes, the readers will adore you. But so will critics. Because your book questions the intelligence of the audience to grasp your magnificent work, you will be declared an amazing writer and will surely win at least a dozen snazzy awards. And if there aren't a dozen snazzy awards for you to win, they'll make some up just to give them to you.

[avearia]

Nobody's hair is allowed to be brown. Brown is a boring, ugly color. Everyone's hair must be blonde, or black, or redhead, or orange, or green, or rainbow. But never brown, because really, who would be interested in a character with brown colored hair?

[Amiable Aberration]

avearia

Nobody's hair is allowed to be brown. Brown is a boring, ugly color. Everyone's hair must be blonde, or black, or redhead, or orange, or green, or rainbow. But never brown, because really, who would be interested in a character with brown colored hair?

Blondes will always be dumb, jock, or American (who always have blue eyes too,) and orange-haired people are exotic/ugly/hotheads.

If you MUST use brown, it will always be for the most down-to-earth character. ((Guilty...))

[avearia]

Jiraku

avearia

Nobody's hair is allowed to be brown. Brown is a boring, ugly color. Everyone's hair must be blonde, or black, or redhead, or orange, or green, or rainbow. But never brown, because really, who would be interested in a character with brown colored hair?

Blondes will always be dumb, jock, or American (who always have blue eyes too,) and orange-haired people are exotic/ugly/hotheads.

If you MUST use brown, it will always be for the most down-to-earth character. ((Guilty...))

((also guilty...))

Also, in the case of multi-colored hair, that will be their NATURAL state. They don't dye it or anything.

[Katefox Tarnagona]

Jiraku

avearia

Nobody's hair is allowed to be brown. Brown is a boring, ugly color. Everyone's hair must be blonde, or black, or redhead, or orange, or green, or rainbow. But never brown, because really, who would be interested in a character with brown colored hair?

Blondes will always be dumb, jock, or American (who always have blue eyes too,) and orange-haired people are exotic/ugly/hotheads.

If you MUST use brown, it will always be for the most down-to-earth character. ((Guilty...))

Or the character who is supposed to be the most plain. Because the ugly girl must always have mousy brown hair. ((What colour is mousy brown, anyway?))

[8lood]

avearia

Jiraku

avearia

Nobody's hair is allowed to be brown. Brown is a boring, ugly color. Everyone's hair must be blonde, or black, or redhead, or orange, or green, or rainbow. But never brown, because really, who would be interested in a character with brown colored hair?

Blondes will always be dumb, jock, or American (who always have blue eyes too,) and orange-haired people are exotic/ugly/hotheads.

If you MUST use brown, it will always be for the most down-to-earth character. ((Guilty...))

((also guilty...))

Also, in the case of multi-colored hair, that will be their NATURAL state. They don't dye it or anything.

Of course, because they must be able to swim and take baths and sweat and bleed and preform magic without worrying about mundane things such as dying their hair so the roots don't show or worrying about bleaching and their hair changing colors cause of chlorine.

Heck, characters shouldn't worry about their hair AT ALL. It's always prefect, even after fights, sleep, days without bathing, etc, and anyone who refers to their hair in a worried state is ALWAYS the preppy girl. (Or preppy girl insert.)

[avearia]

The Blue Sunbeam

avearia

Jiraku

avearia

Nobody's hair is allowed to be brown. Brown is a boring, ugly color. Everyone's hair must be blonde, or black, or redhead, or orange, or green, or rainbow. But never brown, because really, who would be interested in a character with brown colored hair?

Blondes will always be dumb, jock, or American (who always have blue eyes too,) and orange-haired people are exotic/ugly/hotheads.

If you MUST use brown, it will always be for the most down-to-earth character. ((Guilty...))

((also guilty...))

Also, in the case of multi-colored hair, that will be their NATURAL state. They don't dye it or anything.

Of course, because they must be able to swim and take baths and sweat and bleed and preform magic without worrying about mundane things such as dying their hair so the roots don't show or worrying about bleaching and their hair changing colors cause of chlorine.

That is true, but even if the characters DID dye their hair, (and they didn't, so there,) dye always acts exactly like you want it to. It never bleaches or bleeds out or grows and needs to be dyed again. You dye your hair, and leave it for a few days, then you wash it and it goes away. otherwise it's completely, utterly permenant.

The Blue Sunbeam

Heck, characters shouldn't worry about their hair AT ALL. It's always prefect, even after fights, sleep, days without bathing, etc, and anyone who refers to their hair in a worried state is ALWAYS the preppy girl. (Or preppy girl insert.)

This is true too. Beautiful hair should just come naturally to your character, just like breathing or kicking evil a**. They were BORN with that luxurious, swishing, full bodied-non-frizzing-untangled blonde hair. And they'll have it until the day they die of old age when they turn 50.

[DarknessofHeavenandDreams]

The Blue Sunbeam

avearia

Jiraku

avearia

Nobody's hair is allowed to be brown. Brown is a boring, ugly color. Everyone's hair must be blonde, or black, or redhead, or orange, or green, or rainbow. But never brown, because really, who would be interested in a character with brown colored hair?

Blondes will always be dumb, jock, or American (who always have blue eyes too,) and orange-haired people are exotic/ugly/hotheads.

If you MUST use brown, it will always be for the most down-to-earth character. ((Guilty...))

((also guilty...))

Also, in the case of multi-colored hair, that will be their NATURAL state. They don't dye it or anything.

Of course, because they must be able to swim and take baths and sweat and bleed and preform magic without worrying about mundane things such as dying their hair so the roots don't show or worrying about bleaching and their hair changing colors cause of chlorine.

Heck, characters shouldn't worry about their hair AT ALL. It's always prefect, even after fights, sleep, days without bathing, etc, and anyone who refers to their hair in a worried state is ALWAYS the preppy girl. (Or preppy girl insert.)

No matter what the color, or how bright/contrasting it is, it is does not signal your presence to the bad guys or random predators.

[avearia]

Katefox Tarnagona

Jiraku

avearia

Nobody's hair is allowed to be brown. Brown is a boring, ugly color. Everyone's hair must be blonde, or black, or redhead, or orange, or green, or rainbow. But never brown, because really, who would be interested in a character with brown colored hair?

Blondes will always be dumb, jock, or American (who always have blue eyes too,) and orange-haired people are exotic/ugly/hotheads.

If you MUST use brown, it will always be for the most down-to-earth character. ((Guilty...))

Or the character who is supposed to be the most plain. Because the ugly girl must always have mousy brown hair. ((What colour is mousy brown, anyway?))

((no idea...))
Or the quiet girl, you know, the one that sits in the corner and never says anything? Her hair can be brown too, though it's a pretty brown.

[avearia]

DarknessofHeavenandDreams

The Blue Sunbeam

avearia

Jiraku

avearia

Nobody's hair is allowed to be brown. Brown is a boring, ugly color. Everyone's hair must be blonde, or black, or redhead, or orange, or green, or rainbow. But never brown, because really, who would be interested in a character with brown colored hair?

Blondes will always be dumb, jock, or American (who always have blue eyes too,) and orange-haired people are exotic/ugly/hotheads.

If you MUST use brown, it will always be for the most down-to-earth character. ((Guilty...))

((also guilty...))

Also, in the case of multi-colored hair, that will be their NATURAL state. They don't dye it or anything.

Of course, because they must be able to swim and take baths and sweat and bleed and preform magic without worrying about mundane things such as dying their hair so the roots don't show or worrying about bleaching and their hair changing colors cause of chlorine.

Heck, characters shouldn't worry about their hair AT ALL. It's always prefect, even after fights, sleep, days without bathing, etc, and anyone who refers to their hair in a worried state is ALWAYS the preppy girl. (Or preppy girl insert.)

No matter what the color, or how bright/contrasting it is, it is does not signal your presence to the bad guys or random predators.

This is why Ninjas are allowed to have neon colored hair and wear orange. a ninja, wearing black? that is SO last year.

[Ludera]

avearia

Also, in the case of multi-colored hair, that will be their NATURAL state. They don't dye it or anything.

If a person dyes her hair, it will be from black or mousy brown to peroxide blonde, and she is probably a ho. Most characters, including the one with that beautiful shiny unnatural red, have naturally coloured hair. That's how you can tell that they're good guys.

[Half Baked SF]

Ludera

avearia

Also, in the case of multi-colored hair, that will be their NATURAL state. They don't dye it or anything.

If a person dyes her hair, it will be from black or mousy brown to peroxide blonde, and she is probably a ho. Most characters, including the one with that beautiful shiny unnatural red, have naturally coloured hair. That's how you can tell that they're good guys.

((Somewhat guilty on that last bit. Most of my protagonists in one story have ruby-red hair. But that's the norm where they're from. Different gene pool and all.))